Alan Robarge, LPC

Back in the 90s, I watched Barbara Walters interview the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Yes, I am getting older these days. She asked Flea what type of music he likes to listen to. His answer: "My own."

I always loved that response. He wasn't being arrogant. He wasn't spinning the question for PR. He wasn't seizing an opportunity to plug something. He was simply telling the truth. He genuinely enjoys his own music. At least, that is how I experienced it.

I feel the same way about my videos.

Lately, YouTube has made something very clear to me through its metrics of reach, clicks, and likes. You know, the Attention Economy. According to YouTube, my videos are a bit insignificant. My total views are down 266,000, which is not a small number.

I share all of this to say that this latest video feels like me. If someone asked what type of videos I like to watch on YouTube, I would say, "My own." At least, that is how I feel about this one. It captures what I care about exploring. This content never gets old for me, and I find it relevant for so many of us.

The video is about self-acceptance. When we have a history of being ignored, we eventually learn to devalue and diminish ourselves. We begin ignoring ourselves too. In response, we construct masks and substitute personas to get our relational needs met. There is nothing inherently wrong with wearing masks to navigate life. But when we lose ourselves inside the mask, when we become the mask, we have a real problem.

The video asks a difficult question: Who am I?

I would love to hear about the masks you use to function, survive, and exist in relationships.

Have you experimented with putting the mask down?

What happens when you do?

What happens when you don't?

If you like this video, please share it with others. Help me show YouTube this content is valuable. Thanks.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3gg6C...

1 month ago | [YT] | 32

Alan Robarge, LPC

This short is about many of us are starving for connection. As stark as it sounds, I love that phrase "starving for connection." To me, it really captures the experience of wanting emotional nourishment. I know some people do not like that phrase or find it too dramatic. What do you think?

www.youtube.com/shorts/ADzf6F...

1 month ago | [YT] | 13

Alan Robarge, LPC

Do those in your life, friends, family, loved ones, partners, etc. want the same type of depth of emotional connection that you want in relationships?

1 month ago | [YT] | 9

Alan Robarge, LPC

Hello. Happy December to you. Thanks for checking out my videos and/or following me over the years. I need your help please. I need help promoting my videos in order to get views. I am struggling with YouTube right now.

The algorithm has changed and my videos don't get recommended or circulate like they used to. I am doing all the new things that I can do to change this. But... It really is discouraging and challenges what I am doing/offering. It shouldn't impact my worth, but it does. When in the past I got, let's say, 10K views in a short period of time on one video, but now, I only get a couple hundred, it really makes me question what I am doing.

I understand YouTube is changing and/or has changed. I understand that I need to adapt my style of content to deliver more value or more linear "how to steps." My videos in the past don't always offer hand holding, step by step instruction, but more offer an invitation to enter the contemplation of the topic.

All of this is really impacting how I feel about offering free content on YouTube. It's just not worth it making videos if they no longer get distributed or seen by others. I have been researching this for 5 months and attempting to turn around this great dive in relevance and viewership. It really feels like something is working against me despite my sincerity and eagerness to share new videos.

I rarely "rant" or share anything personal like this. It usually invites more negative commentary and judgment from others than any positivity. So, I learned years ago to just smile and keep it to myself. But... I am reaching out to say if you are able to help, please do. Please share my videos with others and/or on social media sites so that more people click and watch. I will continue to do my part and provide content that evolves and delivers. Thanks for your help.

Here is my latest video. After 2 hours it has 57 views. Ugh! Horrible distribution. Just a year ago, I would post a new video and get 5K views in 2 hours. Again, makes me question what I am doing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JsJew...

1 month ago | [YT] | 136

Alan Robarge, LPC

Ever looked at your partner and realized... you have no idea who you actually are anymore?

I filmed this one after thinking about my old purple chair story. It was the moment I understood I'd become a hollow shell in a relationship.

Honestly, it took me years to even recognize that pattern in myself. I was so good at disappearing into other people that I didn't notice the absence until I sat in that chair and felt... nothing. Just static where a self should have been. Ouch!

You can't be in a relationship if you don't have a sense of self.

Sometimes relationships bring more suffering than goodness.

Maybe in your relationships you're feeling more drained than filled, more lost than found. It's exhausting to keep showing up for something that's slowly erasing you.
If you've ever felt like a ghost in your own life, this one's for you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4dmRM...

1 month ago | [YT] | 20

Alan Robarge, LPC

I have a channel update! I've been thinking about something lately....

What if the videos that feel the most alive to make are also the ones that help you feel most alive while watching them?

Not in some performative "GET PUMPED" way. But in that quiet moment where something clicks and you realize - oh, I'm not just consuming content, I'm actually experiencing something real about myself right now.

That's what I'm after. That's what therapy does. And honestly? That's what I want these videos to do too.

Made something new that captures this. It's a channel update, but really it's more like.... a reminder of what we're doing here together. The kind of work that asks you to drop in, not just watch.

It includes sharing a poem I wrote recently about "how do you love the world?"

Curious if it lands for you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NlODP...

Question: How do you love the world?

3 months ago (edited) | [YT] | 52

Alan Robarge, LPC

I loved making this video. It really captures the type of videos I prefer, which means process and drop down into what you are feeling. It, hopefully, asks you to go on a "journey" with me during the viewing. Now, I know this is not everyone's cup of tea. And I know people click off of the video if it doesn't offer some quick nugget of cognitive info/takeaway. I am really trying to recreate/create ways to experience yourself through the content. Not always easy or successful.... but this is my approach. I am actually not being very favored right now with the wonderful youtube algorithm. My video views have taken a dive since I returned to sharing these types of videos. Hmm.... please share this link with others if you value this type of video. Hopefully more views will help others find it. thanks. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zCxjf...

5 months ago | [YT] | 36

Alan Robarge, LPC

Hello.... I'm back. lol.

Thank you for the thoughtful comments and messages during my absence. It's clear this work resonates with many of you navigating similar territory.

My first video in this new series is live: "Stuck, Triggered, & Crushed? How Therapy Helps Us Heal the False Self and Find Our True Identity." If you haven't seen it yet, check it out. I'm curious to know if it resonates with you. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Lguf...

I examine three fundamental states that bring many of us to therapy:

***Stuck - disconnected from essential resources like clarity, purpose, and inner compass
***Triggered - nervous system dysregulation, that "bees buzzing" disconnect from calm
***Crushed - the liminal space of heartbreak living between who you were and who you're becoming

What matters isn't just managing these states - it's understanding how they reveal our relationship with the false self, that survival persona we constructed when the world felt unwelcoming. And if you've ever realized you've been living as someone you're not, I have empathy for you - that discovery can be so disorienting and grief-inducing.

I've been working on some things during this break that feel important to share. There's a newsletter now where I can go deeper into these concepts. The first one explores what it means to feel stuck - not just surface-level frustration, but that profound sense of being cut off from your own resources. I also created a 43-page workbook called Finding Yourself that goes alongside the video. It's designed to help you reconnect with who you are underneath all the layers.

I needed time away, and I talk about some of that in the newsletter. But this next phase focuses on what I've always been most interested in: those attachment patterns that shape how we move through the world, the particular loneliness that comes from not knowing who you are underneath all the roles you play, and what it looks like to find your way back to yourself when you realize you've been living someone else's version of your life.

Question for you:

What's one thing you're working on understanding about yourself these days?

5 months ago (edited) | [YT] | 65