Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't

A Low-Brow, Crass Approach to Plant Ecology & Evolution as muttered by a Misanthropic Chicago Italian. We study plants through the lens of ecology and evolution, rather than what supposed anthropocentric uses they can provide (as if holding up the biosphere wasn't enough).

If you enjoy this kind of light-hearted education, be aware that your contributions help support it. Support the cause by joining the Patreon, tossing 5 bucks at venmo address "societyishell", or purchasing some apparel and what the shit at the merch store : www.bonfire.com/store/crime-pays-but-botany-doesnt…

Thanks for reading. Have a great day and go f*ck yourself.


Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't

I'll be doing a show in Brownsville, Texas on Saturday November 8th. The show will be a two hour blend of comedy, social commentary, and plant education, revolving around the topics of lawn-killing, how to set up native plant yards, and why native plants are just pragmatic infrastructure.


Tickets at :
www.crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt.com/midwest-tour-sep-…

Nobody turned away for lack of funds...

1 week ago | [YT] | 819

Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't

I'm gonna be in Brownsville Texas Saturday November 8th at 630 pm doing a show on lawn-killing, native plants, horticultural atrocities and more. Please come out and spread the word. The venue is a good one and serves booze food and coffee. Tickets are $20 suggested donation but nobody turned away for lack of funds.

www.crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt.com/midwest-tour-sep-…

1 week ago (edited) | [YT] | 847

Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't

Turf Grass has a place and a purpose ... Sports fields, movie-night-in-the-park, a place for a dog to sh*t .... But making mowed turfgrass the norm for both private residences as well as commercial properties and the margins of strip malls, retention ponds, highway embankments and all the other "nether regions" of human infrastructure is absolutely INSANE.

Even if you dislike plants or find them boring, using the native plants that evolved in your region as a "living machine" - to prevent flooding, prevent soil erosion, mitigate the effects of the urban heat island (through both evapotranspiratice cooling and shading the ground from the sun) - is just what makes practical sense.

Using native plants isn't "environmentalism", it is just *infrastructure*. The plants that spent millions of years evolving in your region are naturally going to be best suited to helping the land stay alive and intact, as well as reducing the devastating effects of heat waves and flooding.

If you don't think lawns cause flooding, then Get a penetrometer (which measures soil compaction) Stick it in the ground above turfgrass and see how deep it goes. Then do it to a native prairie planting. It'll stop at a few inches in the turfgrass (which is where the compaction starts since roots aren't breaking up the soil nor creating porosity). It'll go down a foot or two in the native prairie planting.

Encourage your local municipality to install natives along highway strips and around retention ponds and canals. It is just what makes sense.
And also...

Kill Your Lawn and Plant Native.

2 weeks ago | [YT] | 3,949

Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't

These jpegs fit into the frame dimensions of a standard yard sign, such as the ones that can be custom made on scAmazon or other custom-sign companies, usually in batches of 5 for $40 bucks or something similar. This image can be downloaded here and used to have signs made for a yard as a means of letting code enforcement or local city officials know that your front yard is not just "overgrown weeds" but is intentional, and it explains why you're doing it. Sometimes city officials and code enforcement don't give a shit, other times they just need to know that it's not some slob who let their yard go, but that it's an intentional project to attract cool beneficial insects and birds.

In my experience, most people in local government just don't know any better - they grow up indoctrinated in the cult of the lawn, cut off and alienated from the living world, afraid of anything that could be called natured, and assume only the worst can come from it. The only plants they're innately ok with are the gaudy horticultural hybridized garbage from big box stores or the turf grass. They just don't know any better. Here's one way to show them.

3 weeks ago (edited) | [YT] | 3,048

Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't

Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't is going on tour in September!

I'll be giving a presentation on lawn killing, horticultural atrocities, modern American landscaping's disconnection from biological reality, how to establish native plant gardens on the cheap, how to maintain them once established, how to get disproving members of the square community and lawn cult off your back, what ecological succession is and how lawn killing is the first step in restoring pieces of the living machine, and more. It's like a blend of aggressive plant science education & ecological appreciation, filled with gesticulations, mild profanity, and verbal jabs thrown at wholesome polished stiffs and genteels. There'll be a Q and A at the end and we'll have plenty of merch for sale.

Da Church of Da Living World Tour dates can be viewed at www.crimepaysbbutbotanydoesnt.com.

Or at : www.crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt.com/midwest-tour-sep-…

We're playing Chicago, Milwaukee, St Paul, Omaha, Lincoln, Kansas City, Quad Cities and potentially Oklahoma City.

1 month ago (edited) | [YT] | 1,684

Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't

My book concrete Botany is now available for pre-order, and not just on scAmazon ... Help me fluff the numbers so the publisher will take the pitch for the photo & art book whose contract I just wiggled my way out of with a different publisher (because *that* publisher was a friggin nightmare to work with).

Concrete botany is about a diversity of topics : the human relationship with plants today, "weeds" and ruderal plants, how I got into Botany, how accidentally stumbling into a relationship with the living world affected (and vastly improved) nearly every other aspect of my life, why most modern horticulture and landscaping is trash, why the current human relationship with - and perception of - plants is deranged, why lawn-killing and creating native habitat is good for the soul, why Mexico has the coolest native pioneer species, what the hell a pioneer species is in the first place, what biogeography is, and a lot more.

I'm really happy with how this turned out and I hope it changes (or at least irritates) modern mainstream perspectives On the roll that plants have in all of our lives (All they do is hold up the entire terrestrial biosphere).

To pre-order, visit
geni.us/ConcreteBotany Link in bio or just
Type in geni.us/ConcreteBotany into the search bar.

2 months ago | [YT] | 3,059

Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't

Hey all, I know video shorts are annoying and they are a change up from the regular programming of this channel. Shorts feed the short attention span of a generation (and populace in general) that's had its mind warped from the still-new introduction of these tiny little devices that so many of us have become slaves to, and for the long-time followers of this channel they are probably an unwelcome change-up from the long-form videos I've always put most of my energy into making. At the same time, however, it is true that I simply needed a f*cking break from editing and the short form videos are not the new normal, they are just a bone to throw people while I go on a summer hiatus. I have a backlog of about 15 long-format videos to edit and I needed a break from editing them while I do things like finish up the final steps for my book that's available for pre-order this month and due out next, April, type labels for herbarium specimens, give talks around the country, conduct tours and forays with my mycologist friends, and TRY to relax (something I'm terrible at).

In any case, the short videos are not the "new normal" and I'll return to regular long-format videos in the coming months once I'm not on the road as much. I appreciate the hell out of your patience and support (and tolerance, lol).

2 months ago | [YT] | 3,631

Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't

Cactus Store is holding a shirt and hat benefit sale for Thornscrub Sanctuary, our conservation nonprofit and conservation property of the same name. 45% of the proceeds go to the land and nonprofit. We don't pay ourselves, our work is all volunteer, so we're not dipping out toes in the nonprofit industrial complex....all money goes expressly towards protecting plants and the land, fencing from feral pigs, trapping feral hogs, infrastructure for the land, etc.

Cactus store makes great stuff. Check it out :

cactus.store/collections/clothing?utm_source=subst…

3 months ago | [YT] | 703

Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't

I'm hawking more stickers. 20 bux for a pack of 9, including two multicolor images. All drawings by me except for the crime pays logo which was done by the lovely Ken Davis. Leave full name and address INCLUDING zip code on pyment to Venmo address "societyishell". No purchase protection please unless you want to pay for it

4 months ago | [YT] | 1,155

Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't

Thornscrub Sanctuary shirts are in. This 5 color image was printed by a local company in Texas and is available in sizes Small through 2XL on Comfort Colors T-shirts. Original drawing of the grandpa Peyote is by J. Santore.

Shirts are $42 with free shipping within the United States. To order, please Venmo "societyishell" (do not use "purchase protection" and leave full name, address and shirt size on the comments.

International orders can use PayPal address Crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt@gmail.com but please send cash "friends and family" and include $13 dollars extra for shipping (apologies, I'm not in charge of shipping costs!).

All proceeds from these shirts goes directly to Thornscrub Sanctuary, our 501c3 nonprofit conservation organization dedicated to the conservation and education of the Thornscrub habitat in South Texas. We are currently raising funds to drill a well and set up pig fencing to protect rare cacti from depredation by feral hogs. All work we do at the property is 100% volunteer and we do not pay ourselves. Any money raised goes straight to the land.

6 months ago (edited) | [YT] | 1,257