I just wanted to come on here and let y’all know how I’m feeling especially after leaving for 4 months. I just kinda came back unannounced. This is gonna be a bit long but hope you read until the end.
It’s been almost 5 years since I’ve started this journey. It definitely feels like I’ve been doing it for longer. There is so much I wish I would have known before starting. I had NO IDEA what I was getting myself into or how fast my channel would blow up. The only thing I knew was that I really had a passion for music and I wanted to share that.
When I first started my channel I was going through a really tuff time mentality. Most of you know that I struggle severely with anxiety and depression. I have recently been diagnosed and take medication for it. I’m constantly battling with myself EVERYDAY. Some days I win and most days I Fail.
I did not prepare myself mentally for the negativity that would come with having a platform. I know people think I’m a clout chaser and all this stuff…but i genuinely NEVER thought I would get to this point. I wasn’t aware that it was seen as a bad thing to like multiple groups. I wasn’t aware that if i genuinely did not enjoy a song and voiced my opinion that I would be crucified for being honest. I was not aware that if I’m not posting a comeback reaction immediately after it releases that I hate the group. It was all foreign to me and as most of you saw…I did not adjust to it well.
I got offensive and angry because it felt like a personal attack on my character. I would read a comment and it would stay in my brain for Months. I can still remember most of them. Idk why I dwell on them. I hate that I do. I wish I didn’t care. I wish I could have ignored everything like everyone was telling me to. I guess I was too weak to do that.
As most of you saw, my Joy for reacting was slowing slipping away. You could see it in my reactions. I no longer wanted to do intros cause I felt like nobody even cared for what I had to say. My reactions became shorter cause I no longer was doing it because I wanted to, but because I didn’t want to disappoint anyone. I felt like a robot. Most people say reacting is the easiest thing to do in world. You just sit there and watch something so why was I having such a hard time with it?
It just got to a breaking point where I didn’t want to do it anymore. I couldn’t keep lying to myself. So I hide my channel. Was that dramatic? Yes.
I truly thought nobody would notice. I was wrong.
I really had no intentions of coming back. I just wanted to disappear. I was enjoying comebacks off camera and avoiding any drama at all cost. It did feel peaceful for a time. I focused on other interests of mine and moved away from the KPOP community.
So why did I come back? Some of you have voiced to me that I should leave the KPOP reactor community for good. that I’m no longer needed in it seeing as I can’t handle it. That was hurtful, but I do agree. I can’t handle it well. I’m too weak minded.
So AGAIN why come back? Well 2 reasons really. The first one is because of the Reactor community itself. A couple of reactors had reached out to me to check in on me. During those 4 months I had conversations with people who understood where I was coming from and I felt seen. I felt heard. They spoke Life into me and encouraged me. They didn’t bash me for feeling like I did. They related and could emphasize. The Reactor space gets so much shit and most of us are called clout chasers and fake, but what I experienced was far from any of those things. There’s genuine good people on this platform.
The 2nd reason was YOU guys. My subscribers. I have a hard time believing that I actually make a difference in this community. I’m just a girl freaking out over music in her room. I don’t really bring anything new or revolutionary to reacting, but when I deleted my channel I didn’t realize just how many of you genuinely loved to watch me. I’m sorry for not seeing that. I’m sorry for thinking so little of you. So many of you re-watch my videos, show your friends and families, and go as far as to put me on your TV. You look forward to sharing comebacks with me because you don’t have friends in real life to enjoy it with. I may not be the best reactor on this platform, but to YOU I’m YOUR favorite reactor.
What I failed to see was the 5 years worth of thousands of Positive comments you sent me. For every hateful comment there was always 20 positive ones. I’m sorry for Not seeing that. I’m 100% to blame for that. I just couldn’t see past the negative ones. I’m working on that.
I came back because I let my mind control the Narrative when in reality my heart wanted to be here. I just got lost for a while.
I know there will still be negative comments moving forward. Unfortunately it comes with the platform. I might still be triggered by them from time to time, but I’ll try my hardest to value your voice more than theirs.
Sorry this is so long lmaoo I know most probably didn’t read this far but just wanted to let you all know where my head was at and why I chose to come back.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart ❤️ 🫶🏽 - I wouldn’t be here without you. Hope to continue enjoying more music together in future.
Some of you have noticed my YouTube channel was taken down. I did this because I’ve reached kinda a breaking point with reacting to KPOP and music in general.
I still love music very much, but I’ve found that I don’t really enjoy the reacting space currently when it comes to music. At least publicly.
I’ve thought long and hard about this and i genuinely felt like I couldn’t do it. I’ve been forcing myself to keep on reacting to Music knowing deep down how I’ve been feeling about it. So I just kept Going. The things is though… it never stopped how I was feeling. I’m sure you guys can see In my reactions. It’s hard to pretend like I’m loving it cause to be honest I’ve lost a lot of my joy for it.
4 years ago this channel absolutely blew up out of no where and I had no idea how to even handle it. I was not ready for what came with that. There’s not really a handbook for this sort of thing. I just wanted to have fun and share my thoughts on music.
I’ve definitely handled some things wrong and I take full responsibility for that, but this space has caused a lot of mental trauma for me so for the first time ever really I’m listening to how I feel and putting myself first.
This could be a 6 month break, even a year, or I may never come back on here. I want to give myself the freedom to explore those options.
I was going to keep my channel hidden because I did not want any expectations of me during this time but I did not realize how many of you re-watched my reactions. So the least I could do is have them up for you to view them.
I do want to say the biggest thank you to everyone that has shown me the most insane love over the past years. I am not the best reactor. I do not deserve the support you guys have given me. It’s still so crazy to me but I will take to heart the kind words many of you have left me over time.
I’ll still be active on my 2nd channel (you do not have to subscribe. This is not a push for that.) but it’s been so healing focusing on other interests of mine. I felt so trapped in this space.
Well merry Christmas to everyone and happy new year. Wishing you all the love in the world. Hope one day to see you all again.
It's December 1st! I'm excited for the posts this month! I'm planning on posting a reaction every day until Christmas as a thank you for all the love and support you guys give me through out the whole year. It's gonna be a mix of things and I'm sooo excited! Thank you to everyone that sent in recommendations! I included some of those as well.
Thank you guys so much for the support over the last 4 years. Forever Grateful! x
We just dropped 2 MV reactions for Early Access over on the patreon! If you don't want to wait for these to come on youtube come on over and hang with us! x
But no worries if you can't cause BOTH will make it over here on youtube for Y'all some time this week! 💕
Thank you all for your recommendations on the last post! I’ve written them down and I’m excited for December! It’s about to be crazy! 🎉
Big changes are coming to the channel starting in December and ngl….I’m so freaking excited for it. I’m just gonna do what I’ve been wanting to do for a while and AHHHHH can’t wait!
If I were to do an upload every day for December what would you want me to react to? Think of it as a series 😅
Things I can’t do on YouTube:
- Live stages (unless it’s uploaded to the company’s channel) - Full album reviews (I can check out a singular song or two from an album but that’s it NOT THE FULL THING) - variety content (those normally get blocked)
Comment down below! I’ll be heavily considering the comments with the most likes.
Caitlin Benson
Caitlin Benson
So…I had a fancall with Keeho from P1harmony….and vlogged the whole thing…..
Check it out if you’d like 🫶🏽
https://youtu.be/QuDw1TRE7JU?si=PSCZq...
3 months ago | [YT] | 402
View 6 replies
Caitlin Benson
Ayo Bubbles 🫧 (VERY LONG POST)
I just wanted to come on here and let y’all know how I’m feeling especially after leaving for 4 months. I just kinda came back unannounced. This is gonna be a bit long but hope you read until the end.
It’s been almost 5 years since I’ve started this journey. It definitely feels like I’ve been doing it for longer. There is so much I wish I would have known before starting. I had NO IDEA what I was getting myself into or how fast my channel would blow up. The only thing I knew was that I really had a passion for music and I wanted to share that.
When I first started my channel I was going through a really tuff time mentality. Most of you know that I struggle severely with anxiety and depression. I have recently been diagnosed and take medication for it. I’m constantly battling with myself EVERYDAY. Some days I win and most days I Fail.
I did not prepare myself mentally for the negativity that would come with having a platform. I know people think I’m a clout chaser and all this stuff…but i genuinely NEVER thought I would get to this point. I wasn’t aware that it was seen as a bad thing to like multiple groups. I wasn’t aware that if i genuinely did not enjoy a song and voiced my opinion that I would be crucified for being honest. I was not aware that if I’m not posting a comeback reaction immediately after it releases that I hate the group. It was all foreign to me and as most of you saw…I did not adjust to it well.
I got offensive and angry because it felt like a personal attack on my character. I would read a comment and it would stay in my brain for Months. I can still remember most of them. Idk why I dwell on them. I hate that I do. I wish I didn’t care. I wish I could have ignored everything like everyone was telling me to. I guess I was too weak to do that.
As most of you saw, my Joy for reacting was slowing slipping away. You could see it in my reactions. I no longer wanted to do intros cause I felt like nobody even cared for what I had to say. My reactions became shorter cause I no longer was doing it because I wanted to, but because I didn’t want to disappoint anyone. I felt like a robot. Most people say reacting is the easiest thing to do in world. You just sit there and watch something so why was I having such a hard time with it?
It just got to a breaking point where I didn’t want to do it anymore. I couldn’t keep lying to myself. So I hide my channel. Was that dramatic? Yes.
I truly thought nobody would notice. I was wrong.
I really had no intentions of coming back. I just wanted to disappear. I was enjoying comebacks off camera and avoiding any drama at all cost. It did feel peaceful for a time. I focused on other interests of mine and moved away from the KPOP community.
So why did I come back? Some of you have voiced to me that I should leave the KPOP reactor community for good. that I’m no longer needed in it seeing as I can’t handle it. That was hurtful, but I do agree. I can’t handle it well. I’m too weak minded.
So AGAIN why come back? Well 2 reasons really.
The first one is because of the Reactor community itself. A couple of reactors had reached out to me to check in on me. During those 4 months I had conversations with people who understood where I was coming from and I felt seen. I felt heard. They spoke Life into me and encouraged me. They didn’t bash me for feeling like I did. They related and could emphasize. The Reactor space gets so much shit and most of us are called clout chasers and fake, but what I experienced was far from any of those things. There’s genuine good people on this platform.
Thank you, @JeffAvenue @MUSALOVEL1FE @anthonytoo @saywhatreacts @caitlyn.3481 @JREKML1 @DGReacts @vexreactss @NigelBaker @LKTVLKTV @KELVII @NewChapterReactions @Sebastine @ItsRAFFY @BirbReacts @SirAustin @AndrewPiluk for sending me love and encouragement. It may have been a small message here and there but it was treasured dearly.
The 2nd reason was YOU guys. My subscribers. I have a hard time believing that I actually make a difference in this community. I’m just a girl freaking out over music in her room. I don’t really bring anything new or revolutionary to reacting, but when I deleted my channel I didn’t realize just how many of you genuinely loved to watch me. I’m sorry for not seeing that. I’m sorry for thinking so little of you. So many of you re-watch my videos, show your friends and families, and go as far as to put me on your TV. You look forward to sharing comebacks with me because you don’t have friends in real life to enjoy it with. I may not be the best reactor on this platform, but to YOU I’m YOUR favorite reactor.
What I failed to see was the 5 years worth of thousands of Positive comments you sent me. For every hateful comment there was always 20 positive ones. I’m sorry for
Not seeing that. I’m 100% to blame for that. I just couldn’t see past the negative ones. I’m working on that.
I came back because I let my mind control the Narrative when in reality my heart wanted to be here. I just got lost for a while.
I know there will still be negative comments moving forward. Unfortunately it comes with the platform. I might still be triggered by them from time to time, but I’ll try my hardest to value your voice more than theirs.
Sorry this is so long lmaoo I know most probably didn’t read this far but just wanted to let you all know where my head was at and why I chose to come back.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart ❤️ 🫶🏽 - I wouldn’t be here without you. Hope to continue enjoying more music together in future.
7 months ago | [YT] | 10,265
View 1,000 replies
Caitlin Benson
Hello.
Some of you have noticed my YouTube channel was taken down. I did this because I’ve reached kinda a breaking point with reacting to KPOP and music in general.
I still love music very much, but I’ve found that I don’t really enjoy the reacting space currently when it comes to music. At least publicly.
I’ve thought long and hard about this and i genuinely felt like I couldn’t do it. I’ve been forcing myself to keep on reacting to Music knowing deep down how I’ve been feeling about it. So I just kept Going. The things is though… it never stopped how I was feeling. I’m sure you guys can see In my reactions. It’s hard to pretend like I’m loving it cause to be honest I’ve lost a lot of my joy for it.
4 years ago this channel absolutely blew up out of no where and I had no idea how to even handle it. I was not ready for what came with that. There’s not really a handbook for this sort of thing. I just wanted to have fun and share my thoughts on music.
I’ve definitely handled some things wrong and I take full responsibility for that, but this space has caused a lot of mental trauma for me so for the first time ever really I’m listening to how I feel and putting myself first.
This could be a 6 month break, even a year, or I may never come back on here. I want to give myself the freedom to explore those options.
I was going to keep my channel hidden because I did not want any expectations of me during this time but I did not realize how many of you re-watched my reactions. So the least I could do is have them up for you to view them.
I do want to say the biggest thank you to everyone that has shown me the most insane love over the past years. I am not the best reactor. I do not deserve the support you guys have given me. It’s still so crazy to me but I will take to heart the kind words many of you have left me over time.
I’ll still be active on my 2nd channel (you do not have to subscribe. This is not a push for that.) but it’s been so healing focusing on other interests of mine. I felt so trapped in this space.
Well merry Christmas to everyone and happy new year. Wishing you all the love in the world. Hope one day to see you all again.
11 months ago | [YT] | 6,494
View 0 replies
Caitlin Benson
It's December 1st! I'm excited for the posts this month! I'm planning on posting a reaction every day until Christmas as a thank you for all the love and support you guys give me through out the whole year. It's gonna be a mix of things and I'm sooo excited! Thank you to everyone that sent in recommendations! I included some of those as well.
Thank you guys so much for the support over the last 4 years. Forever Grateful! x
1 year ago | [YT] | 2,332
View 91 replies
Caitlin Benson
happy thanksgiving 🍁🦃 (to those that celebrate it!)
It’s been an insane year and looking back I’m just so thankful for all of you! Thank you for your love and support!
Hope everyone is doing well! Hope everyone has a great day! 🥹💕🫶🏽
1 year ago | [YT] | 1,469
View 25 replies
Caitlin Benson
What’s y’all favorite Christmas movies? Hehehe 👀🤗
1 year ago | [YT] | 654
View 176 replies
Caitlin Benson
BUBBLES!
We just dropped 2 MV reactions for Early Access over on the patreon! If you don't want to wait for these to come on youtube come on over and hang with us! x
But no worries if you can't cause BOTH will make it over here on youtube for Y'all some time this week! 💕
www.patreon.com/c/caitlinbenson
1 year ago | [YT] | 1,204
View 0 replies
Caitlin Benson
Thank you all for your recommendations on the last post! I’ve written them down and I’m excited for December! It’s about to be crazy! 🎉
Big changes are coming to the channel starting in December and ngl….I’m so freaking excited for it. I’m just gonna do what I’ve been wanting to do for a while and AHHHHH can’t wait!
Btw it snowed today 😭 - I hate winter 😂
Anyways hope everyone has a great day! 🫶🏽
1 year ago | [YT] | 2,016
View 51 replies
Caitlin Benson
If I were to do an upload every day for December what would you want me to react to? Think of it as a series 😅
Things I can’t do on YouTube:
- Live stages (unless it’s uploaded to the company’s channel)
- Full album reviews (I can check out a singular song or two from an album but that’s it NOT THE FULL THING)
- variety content (those normally get blocked)
Comment down below! I’ll be heavily considering the comments with the most likes.
1 year ago | [YT] | 1,524
View 583 replies
Caitlin Benson
Just testing something real quick.
Would Y'all be okay with K-dramas/movies being uploaded over here instead of the 2nd channel?
1 year ago | [YT] | 1,032
View 0 replies
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