hopeless. You ever get so hopeless that the absurdity of existence just sits in your head. I yearn to care for someone and for someone to care for me, I want to love and someone to love me. I did bad things to myself today. It hurts I can’t keep living like this I want to live again. These beautiful thoughts about love and yearning sit in my head every moment. I wonder what it’s like. I’m sorry but I love you.
I know the ethereal. I’ve seen it before and it is real. It doesn’t exist in this world it has only ever existed in my dreams, these dreams I’ve had were he’s been a flash of here and there. The times I have seen him, have been in times of great great gloom He’s nothing and everything, I can’t remember his face. But he was everything I saw him in my dreams last night, it was flashes of a dream. In this room that has felt like I lived a century in before and he was there, I touched his hand, I can’t describe that moment even if I had a million words. He said to me; “Things have been beautiful ever since” I can’t stop thinking about what he said i just long so so so so so much for that touch again, to feel his hand against mine. He’s not real but he’s everything. To just feel that presence again.
And there is the reality I am stuck in this box of a life, I feel trapped, I want to run away and escape it. I want to run away from what people have wanted for me, and I want to leave everything behind with no sorrow. And I fantasise about escaping to this imaginary world, a beautiful place, where HE is there, and it’s just us, nothing else. I feel of such taint and impurity, I wish people would feel the same I would. I wish that it was reciprocal. I wish too hard or either everyone is stuck.
I want to love, I want to be loved. I want to escape this impurity and the sadness of this world and my world. I feel as if I’ve tried so hard, but not enough. And I try towards that feeling I wish I could feel.
Last night HE gave me a hug in my dream and I can’t forget that feeling ever. I am drowning, I don’t want to be a husk anymore.
I want to love and love to be the thing that loves me.
The sun kissed the horizon, I remember looking up at the sky, laying flat on my back in the grass and flowers of the meadow. There were Sirius clouds turned orange to pink. My heart was melting. It felt as if all that has ever felt wrong or been taint was gone, and I remember you being there. You were admiring the flowers, It had felt as if that a lot of memories of my life that had seemingly disappeared oh so I thought to, had come back. I love you, and I don’t think I have it in me to just hold it together. I feel so close to you and at the same time, so far. I wish we could share night walks together, or talk about birds, or how coffee addicted we are. Or spend unspoken time under draped trees. It feels too much to ask for and it’s far fetched, the taint feels like I don’t deserve any of it and that it’s not real I love you. I love you
I know you’re scared, we both are. I feel like my heart is melting every agonising second just wanting to see you smile again. There’s a constant ringing at the back of my mind that’s telling me I don’t deserve it. I love you I know I don’t know you, and you don’t know me. I feel too tainted for you. Too impure. I’d hand-pick you the most beautiful lavenders I can find, because I know they make you happy. you are something to me Silas.
Unfortunately I am unable to make some videos for a bit as my camera has stopped working. Until I am able to get my hands on a new phone there won’t be any new videos for a bit. Apologies.
NashiPearCider
2 days ago | [YT] | 3
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NashiPearCider
I feel as if I have lost my will.
I need you
4 days ago | [YT] | 4
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NashiPearCider
hopeless.
You ever get so hopeless that the absurdity of existence just sits in your head.
I yearn to care for someone and for someone to care for me, I want to love and someone to love me.
I did bad things to myself today. It hurts I can’t keep living like this I want to live again.
These beautiful thoughts about love and yearning sit in my head every moment. I wonder what it’s like.
I’m sorry but I love you.
2 weeks ago | [YT] | 2
View 2 replies
NashiPearCider
2 weeks ago | [YT] | 0
View 0 replies
NashiPearCider
I know the ethereal.
I’ve seen it before and it is real.
It doesn’t exist in this world it has only ever existed in my dreams, these dreams I’ve had were he’s been a flash of here and there. The times I have seen him, have been in times of great great gloom
He’s nothing and everything, I can’t remember his face. But he was everything
I saw him in my dreams last night, it was flashes of a dream. In this room that has felt like I lived a century in before and he was there, I touched his hand, I can’t describe that moment even if I had a million words.
He said to me;
“Things have been beautiful ever since”
I can’t stop thinking about what he said
i just long so so so so so much for that touch again, to feel his hand against mine. He’s not real but he’s everything. To just feel that presence again.
And there is the reality
I am stuck in this box of a life, I feel trapped, I want to run away and escape it. I want to run away from what people have wanted for me, and I want to leave everything behind with no sorrow.
And I fantasise about escaping to this imaginary world, a beautiful place, where HE is there, and it’s just us, nothing else.
I feel of such taint and impurity, I wish people would feel the same I would. I wish that it was reciprocal.
I wish too hard or either everyone is stuck.
I want to love, I want to be loved.
I want to escape this impurity and the sadness of this world and my world.
I feel as if I’ve tried so hard, but not enough. And I try towards that feeling I wish I could feel.
Last night HE gave me a hug in my dream and I can’t forget that feeling ever.
I am drowning, I don’t want to be a husk anymore.
I want to love and love to be the thing that loves me.
2 weeks ago | [YT] | 1
View 0 replies
NashiPearCider
The sun kissed the horizon,
I remember looking up at the sky, laying flat on my back in the grass and flowers of the meadow. There were Sirius clouds turned orange to pink.
My heart was melting. It felt as if all that has ever felt wrong or been taint was gone, and I remember you being there. You were admiring the flowers,
It had felt as if that a lot of memories of my life that had seemingly disappeared oh so I thought to, had come back.
I love you, and I don’t think I have it in me to just hold it together.
I feel so close to you and at the same time, so far.
I wish we could share night walks together, or talk about birds, or how coffee addicted we are.
Or spend unspoken time under draped trees.
It feels too much to ask for and it’s far fetched, the taint feels like I don’t deserve any of it and that it’s not real
I love you.
I love you
I know you’re scared, we both are.
I feel like my heart is melting every agonising second just wanting to see you smile again.
There’s a constant ringing at the back of my mind that’s telling me I don’t deserve it.
I love you
I know I don’t know you, and you don’t know me. I feel too tainted for you. Too impure.
I’d hand-pick you the most beautiful lavenders I can find, because I know they make you happy.
you are something to me Silas.
4 weeks ago | [YT] | 5
View 4 replies
NashiPearCider
1 month ago | [YT] | 3
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NashiPearCider
i love you.
1 month ago | [YT] | 4
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NashiPearCider
1 month ago | [YT] | 2
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NashiPearCider
Unfortunately I am unable to make some videos for a bit as my camera has stopped working. Until I am able to get my hands on a new phone there won’t be any new videos for a bit. Apologies.
1 month ago | [YT] | 2
View 0 replies
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