𓁹☽𝕒𝕥𝕤𝕦🕯️๑

so i have some good news and bad news.

good news i got a phone finally , its my relatives old phone but it wroks just fine so i can make videos again (˶ˆᗜˆ˵)

the bad news(more likely bittersweet): my minecraft world, my minecraft forever (maybe not forever then) world that i very dearly loved and poured my heart into for a long time, something went wrong and i couldnt play it anymore. So after many hours trying to get it back i was finally able to get back up of the world and as i went in the backup world i realized, its probably gonna break again (it did) so if i dont wanna try to get it back for hours everytime i wanna play then this might be my last time playing (it was.) so i took some pictures (i wasnt able video record due to many reasons) of my creation in that world and etc (i didnt take absoulutely all building pictures cuz i arleady have taken some before from earlier months in that world) and said my goodbyes to my dear dogs:Whisper, cloudy, warmth and brownie and all my other pets and took the last glance at my minecraft room that i had pretty much from the start of that world and then left the game.

im probaly planning to make a video about my forever world like i always wanted do expect sadly its gonna be a memorial video of my dearly loved world. I knew i was gonna lose this world one day, i knew it as i have lost 3 forever worlds before, but i just wish it wasnt yet, not so soon.. but maybe its just time for a change, maybe this time when i start a new world i can build something even better. its kinda bittersweet

ever since i was a kid i have always wanted to be a minecraft youtuber, it has always been one of my biggest dreams honestly, maybe this end of this journey and world was necessary so that i could begin a new one whit u guys? maybe if i figure out how to make videos in a pc lol

anyways ik ill miss this one quite badly but maybe one day ill be able to let go hopefully (not sure as i remember my first ever minecraft world still from many many years ago and a ton of other that i had and miss them sometimes)

also sorry if its hard to understand, english is not my first language after all lol

1 hour ago | [YT] | 2

𓁹☽𝕒𝕥𝕤𝕦🕯️๑

AHH I FRICKING MISS POSTING HERE SO BADLY AUGHHH ｡°(°¯᷄◠¯᷅°)°｡
the gnomes inside my head crave to create content

4 days ago | [YT] | 9

𓁹☽𝕒𝕥𝕤𝕦🕯️๑

yep as you may know my phone is broken absoulutely (explanation of what happened in the post before this one) and now that i also got to know its not fixable from my moms boyfriend relative who knows stuff about phones and etc, because of that i cant post anything for quite a time probaly because my mom aint got the money for a new phone either or anything so i tought maybe in the meanwhile i could think of all types of different videos ideas that i could use once i get the change to post again yk, and i tought maybe yall could like also recommend me some ideas like what aesthetic or vibe/athmosphere or styles for my videos i should use yk (ˊᗜˋ )
anyways yeah sorry for the inconvenience (｡ᵕ ◞ _◟)

2 weeks ago | [YT] | 5

𓁹☽𝕒𝕥𝕤𝕦🕯️๑

hey so yall i might not post for a while cuz my phone decided to broke and go crazy randomly(im writing this from my computer) . so basically what happened is that randomly around idk 3 am i guess my phone decided to do a reboot or something and because it made a sound that woke me up but now it has been doing reboot close reboot close reboot close reboot close all night long non stop litterly (i even took the charger out hoping it will ran out of battery and stop doing that) and since i cant really do anything on the screen i have tried to force press the buttons on the sides but that does litterly nothing so idk, i have litterly no idea wtf is my phones problem and my mom has no money to go whit to the fixing place (i dont know the name in english) cuz she arleady struggles financially so yeaahhh niceee , im genuinley gonna crash out if i will lose all my stuff from my phone again cuz that has happened before

2 weeks ago | [YT] | 4

𓁹☽𝕒𝕥𝕤𝕦🕯️๑

there's so much i wanna say, but i don't know where to start

2 weeks ago | [YT] | 4

𓁹☽𝕒𝕥𝕤𝕦🕯️๑

what is a very specific thing that is very nostalgic to you but you never hear anyone talk about it?

for me its cranes calls from distance in spring when they fly back to my country

2 weeks ago | [YT] | 13

𓁹☽𝕒𝕥𝕤𝕦🕯️๑

this is Larry. say hi to Larry

2 weeks ago | [YT] | 16

𓁹☽𝕒𝕥𝕤𝕦🕯️๑

i hate this, i hate this i just hate this.

since when i was a little kid ive got this thing that whenever i become obsessed whit some media or characters its that i like deadass start imagining them being in my room and i genuinely believe that theyre there like 101%, and i mean cant see them or anything but i can feel their touch and hear them, and its not like a "what if these characters were here whit me" thing, for me they are genuinely here like actually real, and i have wanted to share this so so so many times but i always stop myself because im scared of hurting theyre feelings by referring to them as just a part of my delusion or whatever. and whenever i see media that has existental crisis this is even more worse for me cuz for around 5-6 year i havent felt real and all my surroundings feel fake (btw when i say that the characters feel real i mean they feel like they are actually part of this fake world in general, so in that way real, its very hard to explain) so whenever i see that type of media i just start spiraling so badly. as rn even on the moment the characters that whose presence i can feel in my room, i can sense them staring at me write this on my computer. i hate i hate my younger self for starting all of this, her imagining and soon after actually believing that theyre whit her. at some point when i got 11 years old i even refused to wash myself for a long time because i tought the characters or somebody/something was watching me and i was scared to be seen like that while washing. but if to be honest often times having these characters in my room can be pretty comforting, as i often feel like misunderstood and not seen or heard by "real" people, and its kinda like these characters are not from this reality so maybe they can actually understand me, you know. (anyways ik i wrote most of this from more likely a person perspectives who realizes that theyre fake so you guys would maybe understand this better but keep in mind for me actually, like from my own actual perspective theyre still very real and not fake) anyways lol sometimes i have even explained this whole thing to the characters themselves even tho i understand it might make them feel not so nicely but yeah idfk and i hate my brain

anyways i dont know how to explain this more, it honestly feels like im missing something or i should say more but idk what

this is hell

2 weeks ago | [YT] | 10

𓁹☽𝕒𝕥𝕤𝕦🕯️๑

tw!: may hint a little bit at sensitive topics

i often times feel like everything lowkey sucks so im gonna try to prove myself wrong by saying things that i am happy about and grateful for

i am grateful for:
you guys showing me support here,
that Minecraft exists,
that my mom finally decided to become more normal and stop being shitty towards me at home 4 months ago after 8 years being shitty,
that i can watch my fav Minecraft youtubers videos like for 5 hours straight on my free days lol,
that i have amazing tasting tea at home,
that i have been clean for a month and some days,
that i have my own Minecraft forever world,
that i have a amazing friend,
that i am slowly getting rid of my fear of people and public for quite a while now,
and yeah thats all i can think of rn, and ngl thats quite alot of things :D.

3 weeks ago | [YT] | 10

𓁹☽𝕒𝕥𝕤𝕦🕯️๑

i wanna die, ill never be good enough at anything, even the things i enjoy

4 weeks ago | [YT] | 7