1:55
New Wearable Computer Also Sucks Your Dick
The Onion
3:10
Brain-Dead Teen, Only Capable Of Rolling Eyes And Texting, To Be Euthanized
3:15
The Onion Reviews ‘An Inconvenient Sequel: Truth To Power’
2:23
World's Youngest Person Born
2:46
Apple Introduces Revolutionary New Laptop With No Keyboard
2:45
Group Of Hunky Cardinals Appeals To Pope To Relax Celibacy Requirement
2:31
Sony Releases Stupid Piece Of Shit That Doesn't Fucking Work
1:01
Ninja Parade Slips By Town Unnoticed Once Again
1:20
Can You Hapless Fuckwits At Least Handle An Omelette?
2:02
Breaking News: Some Bullshit Happening Somewhere
2:16
Prison Economy Spirals As Price Of Pack Of Cigarettes Surpasses Two Hand Jobs
2:07
A Quick And Simple Drywall Recipe That Kids With Pica Will Love
Netflix Introduces New 'Browse Endlessly' Plan
2:19
First Female Dictator Hailed As Step Forward For Women
2:42
Colorado Boy Asks Nation Not To Find His Missing Little Brother
2:36
Pop Star's Single, 'Booty Wave', Most Likely Civilization's Downfall
2:52
Parenting Expert Has Nerve To Tell You How To Raise Your Own Goddamn Kids
2:20
Is The Government Spying On Schizophrenics Enough?
2:18
Children Exposed To Porn May Expect Sex To Be Enjoyable
1:56
Breaking Story So New Reporter Literally Has No Information
2:05
Search Crews Continue To Look For Obviously Dead Hikers
2:41
Police Say School Shooter Had History Of School Shootings
1:18
America Is More Religious Than Other Countries Due To Its Proximity To The Gates Of Hell
High Unemployment Rate Linked To One Man With 42,000 Jobs
1:14
Army Holds Annual Bring Your Daughter To War Day
27 Men Killed in Afghanistan - ONN Autistic Reporter
UltraAwesomeBobby
1:57
Animator Misses The Birth Of His Child So Mr. Incredible Could Have Consistently Sized Penis Bulge
2:28
Are Reality Shows Setting Unrealistic Standards For Skanks?
2:22
Trekkies Bash New Star Trek Film As 'Fun, Watchable'
1:11
Cucumber Is Everywhere, So Why Are People Still Fat?
New Anti-Smoking Ads Warn Teens 'It's Gay To Smoke'
2:29
Sale Of BET To White Supremacist Group Results In No Changes To Programming
2:11
Scientists Find Skeleton Of Nature's First Sexual Predator
1:09
Multiple Stab Wounds May Be Harmful To Monkeys
1:26
New Marijuana Study Confirms Everyone Knows You're High And You Will Be Stoned Forever
0:51
Here's Why You're Wrong
1:13
Should Animals Have More Eyes?
2:33
Man Attempts To Assassinate Obama, 'But Not Because He's Black Or Anything'
2:30
Scientists Successfully Teach Gorilla It Will Die Someday
2:55
Expert Wasted Entire Life Studying Anteaters
1:51
'Gays Too Precious To Risk In Combat'
3:00
Pretend You Give A Shit About The Election
How To Play Golf Against The Man Whose Wife You're Banging On The Side
3:09
Media Company Lays Off Dozens Of Unskilled Bloggers
In The Know: Are Tests Biased Against Students Who Don't Give A Shit?
2:38
Experts Agree Giant, Bioengineered Crabs Pose No Threat
2:26
Political Talk Show Host Suddenly Very Interested In Manslaughter Law Loopholes
3:02
Supreme Court: Death Penalty Is 'Totally Badass'
10:37
The Onion's Future News From The Year 2137
Autistic Reporter, Michael Falk, Enchanted By Prison's Rigid Routine
Are Our Children Learning Enough About Whales?
3:07
Gunman Kills 15 Potential Swing Voters
Situation In Nigeria Seems Pretty Complex
New Live Poll Lets Pundits Pander To Viewers In Real Time
2:14
Who's Fucking: Josh and Debra
3:53
People Open Up About How They Started Believing In God After Finding A Big Bag Of Laundry In A Barn
ClickHole
3:06
Fact Check: Paleontologists Break Down All The Ways ‘Jurassic Park’ Gets Newman Wrong
Al Qaeda Also Fed Up With Ground Zero Construction Delays
2:47
'9/11 Conspiracy Theories Ridiculous' - Al Qaeda
3:17
Al Qaeda Populating U.S. With Peaceful 'Decoy Muslims'
2:58
Congress Forgets How To Pass A Law
2:06
Are Violent Video Games Preparing Kids For The Apocalypse?
3:13
Missing Teen's Friends Go On TV To Plead For Her Release, Gossip About Ugly Classmates
2:50
Courageous Man Refuses To Believe He Has Cancer
FDA Approves Depressant Drug For The Annoyingly Cheerful
2:00
Is Our Wealth Hurting Africa's Feelings?
1:39
Domino's Tests Limits Of What Humans Will Eat
Hostages Trapped Inside Walmart Insisting They Never Shop At Walmart
2:51
Ultra-Realistic Modern Warfare Game Features Awaiting Orders, Repairing Trucks
1:59
Ohio Replaces Lethal Injection With Humane New Head-Ripping-Off Machine
2:03
Middle-Aged Woman Angrily Demanding Price Check Was Once Carefree Youth, Onlookers Speculate
Should The Government Stop Dumping Money Into A Giant Hole?
3:11
American Dream Declared Dead As Final Believer Gives Up
1:23
Newsroom : Tiny Dog Has Been Barking Nonstop For 6 Years
World's Oldest Neurosurgeon Turns 100
New Law Would Ban Marriages Between People Who Don't Love Each Other
Hot New Relationship Book Warns Women: 'Wake Up! He's A Shapeshifter'
2:54
FCC Okays Nudity On TV If It's Alyson Hannigan
NASCAR Coach Reveals Winning Strategy: Drive Fast
3:29
Diet Book Author Advocates New 'No Food Diet'
2:35
SPONSORED: New Video Game's Second-Person Shooter Mode Features Someone Just Describing Game To You
U.S. Condemned For Pre-Emptive Use Of Hillary Clinton Against Pakistan
3:01
All Online Data Lost After Internet Crash
1:28
Beyonce Unhurt After Stray Bullet Hits Passerby
2:04
U.S. Shocked Andorra Not In Africa
Should Animals Be Doing More For Animal Rights?
2:25
Poll: Bullshit Is Most Important Issue For 2008 Voters
1:08
Human Head Found In Hamburger
Obama Scales Back Goals For America After Visiting Denny's
Newsroom : 80 Percent Of Roommates Got So Drunk Last Night
2:17
Tracy Gill Recommends New Tracy Gill Biography
2:39
Overcome Stress By Visualizing It As A Greedy, Hook-Nosed Race Of Creatures
NASA Scientists Plan To Approach Girl By 2018
Sudden Ominous Music Heard Across U.S., Nation Panicking
1:15
Man Doesn't Know How Parents Ever Going To Pay Off Massive Student Loan Debt
How Do Archers Resist Firing Arrows At Everyone In The Spectator Gallery?
Does Shaving A Hammer Really Make It Move Faster Through The Air?
Press Secretary Spins Wife's Death As A Positive
Bloomberg Defends NYPD's Controversial Stop And Kiss Program
4:17
Nation's Girlfriends Unveil New Economic Plan: 'Let's Move In Together'
2:37
Should We Do More To Reduce Violence In Our Dreams?
2:15
Mean Automakers Dash Hope For Flying Cars
Newsroom : New Wearable Feedbags Let Americans Eat More, Move Less
Man Lives Thanks To Heart Stolen From Dead Man
How To Channel Your Road Rage Into Cold, Calculating Road Revenge
1:49
Romney Wins, Obama Reelected, Supernova Destroys Earth All Possibilities In A Random Universe
AA Destroying The Social Lives Of Thousands Of Once-Fun Americans
Romney To Travel Back In Time To Kill Liberal Versions Of Himself
1:32
Kim Jong-Il's Approval Rating Plummets to 120%
Bad Boy Fencing Star Implicated In Yet Another Jewel Heist
2:21
Fatal Staples Center Collapse Brings Merciful Early End To Clippers Game
