ʍɨʀɛ ֆօʊʟ

Who tf's ghost is pinging me at 3am 😭

It's happened twice now, and when I press on it, it doesn't come up with anything 🫤

3 months ago (edited) | [YT] | 13

ʍɨʀɛ ֆօʊʟ

It is an omen
It is a fool
A coward
A bitch
A sickly spool

A plague born to die before the expiration of it's telomeres

Yet life refuses.



The forecast of mortality looms ever near

Eagerly waiting, the plague holds it dear

Adrenaline, cortisol, an organic machine should not be influenced by such trivial things.

But when its mortality does not manifest, looking back on its waiting, all it feels is fear.



It reels in agony, blinded by the pain

Never to see the light of day again

It waits and it waits, death never comes

The plague left only to reconsider what the point of this all was











It finds nothing, the cycle repeats.

4 months ago (edited) | [YT] | 21

ʍɨʀɛ ֆօʊʟ

Premier! 🖤✴️

https://youtu.be/vsfnXAF_BSY?si=WVbPp...

5 months ago (edited) | [YT] | 7

ʍɨʀɛ ֆօʊʟ

Yo cupcake crew is discord down for you rn? It's playing up for me. Sorry if I don't reply to anyone on there, it's because of that, if you're in the server and discord works for you, if you'd screenshot this and put it in chat I'd be grateful, if not, not to worry 🩷

Also for everyone who isn't in the discord server, hey I'm alive still 😅

Wish you all the best ✨


Edit- Nvm, no idea what that was about, my discord just decided to have a seizure and the internet on it wasn't working or something, but it's up again now I think..

8 months ago (edited) | [YT] | 27

ʍɨʀɛ ֆօʊʟ

Damn everyone really just up and left. Fair enough. (Quick disclaimer this isn't a personal attack against anyone)






I don't see this being sustainable, it's not an escape anymore. I've probably pissed people off but I might as well just throw in the towel and retire from the channel. No matter how hard I try, the motivation I started with isn't coming back. The amount of crap I've had to put up with online since starting the channel, real life being a cold disgusting piece of shit. And nobody ever giving a fuck unless they want to hurt me besides the few people I feel I can speak to online, has just completely destroyed any semblance of desire I had to continue this channel.

I'm sick of being natsuki, I'm sick of being forced to be fine, I'm sick of people, life, society and fucking everyone and everything. I'm always going to be a cripple, I'm always going to have to smile at the people that want me dead so they don't know how afraid I am.

I'm always going to have to live with my toxic parents that constantly flip flop between loving me, and me being the biggest disappointment known to mankind, to the point where one of them were threatening to hit me and calling me a cunt in casual conversations with their friends, thinking it's fine and my siblings just fucking ignore it. Went through senior school being beaten the shit out of for months and months on end until I dropped out so I didn't get stabbed outside the school gates, because fucking up the disabled kid is all cool and hip as long as "they don't look" disabled.

I can't get through college because I'm fucking broken and tired and politely don't give a shit about what happens to me anymore.

I can't move out because I'm flat fucking broke and will probably be going on benefits at some point anyway.

Been waiting for therapy for 3 fucking years only to find out a few months ago that the referral I got from the doctor hadn't even been fucking acknowledged by the people I was supposed to be under, and people still expect me to function. I don't sleep, I barely drink fuck all or talk to anyone. I've completely disconnected from the small amount of extended family I have left because everyone's either old, sickly or both, and I'm tired of mourning people, I'm tired of relying on people.

But I can't rely on myself either.



I don't have a place in the world that's anything other than suffering, my entire existence being only picking lesser evils. I have nothing to look forward to in a cold broken dictatorial world where nobody loves me, a world where all anyone is to eachother is a means to an end, some money, a quick fix or a toy, a punching bag or a sacrifice for ones own survival.

And recognising that, again. In my 4th or 5th try, can't remember exactly, I will attempt to unburden myself from the world when I feel I'm ready. It's the only thing I have control over.

I don't want sympathy in the comments, I don't want advice, or pity, I don't care anymore.

I'll keep my videos up because at the very least I'm happy with what I've built, even if I ruined it, but the best thing you all can do is look for another source of entertainment, I'm spent. And I'll be gone for awhile. An indefinitely long while.


See you in hell I guess ♥️















Also discord peeps, I don't wanna talk about it so don't pester me please, thank you.

10 months ago (edited) | [YT] | 46

ʍɨʀɛ ֆօʊʟ

https://youtu.be/A-IYtZoSIWk?si=SUWY1...


"𝐓𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐭𝐡 𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐝 𝐞𝐲𝐞, 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐤𝐞𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐆𝐨𝐥𝐝𝐞𝐧 𝐁𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐢𝐬 𝐡𝐢𝐝𝐝𝐞𝐧 𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐛𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐥𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐲 𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐧. 𝐋𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐫.."














(Check the video's description numpties! 😝)



Q&A Still in development

10 months ago (edited) | [YT] | 10

ʍɨʀɛ ֆօʊʟ

As usual I'm going slower than I want to be with development. But I am working on it. I go back to college tomorrow so how long this takes, I dunno but I'm trying. Thanks for being really patient with me, I'm not trying to annoy anyone by saying I'm gonna release a video and then not. I'm still coming out of burnout and I'm still only about 40% my usual motivation for making stuff like this. So yeah here's a clip. Sorry I'm not finished yet

11 months ago | [YT] | 88

ʍɨʀɛ ֆօʊʟ

Happy Halloween everyone! 🎃✨

I'm a little late I know! 😅


Do anything spooky yesterday?

If not, got anything planned for today? 💕😈

11 months ago | [YT] | 161

ʍɨʀɛ ֆօʊʟ

Hey so quick update at the request of one of my subscribers! ✨

(Totally not making this at 4am)

Halloween, as you know is right around the corner, which means I need to start making videos again! 😅

First on my agenda is as I said previously, the Q&A.

Other stuff may be put on hold for a little while longer but I'll make sure to at least get out a few videos a week as soon as I can. Just broke up from college for a bit too which gives me a perfect YouTube grinding opportunity! 😈


As for me, same old. Still easing back into things, making projects behind the scenes, still not quite good enough for release but progress has been made.

Love you all, happy spooky season! 💕🎃


Also shout-out to youtube.com/@baraniranshahi?si=nsiN8jYxD4FZrqj-

She makes cool drawing shorts, memes and other cool stuff! go check it out if that's your tea! 😎

11 months ago (edited) | [YT] | 122

ʍɨʀɛ ֆօʊʟ

Hey I'm alive.. kinda..

I'm planning on coming back soon because my time away hasn't really been the time away I was looking for 😅

A break from the channel apparently doesn't mean a break from stress and like most things, I can't change that

Love you all to pieces and I'm sorry for the scares recently, I haven't meant to upset anyone or be an asshole, just going through a lot, always am.

If it's one thing I've learnt from my time away is no matter how much you change your perspective on life, it'll never actually change anything. Nobody cares about you or what you do as long as it doesn't effect them.

You can't be a burden to anyone



Throughout my entire lovely little sabbatical, my life has been. I'm in pain.

Can I change it?

No

Can anyone else change it?

No

Does anyone care to?

No


And I've come to accept that, the world is a cruel fucked up place that I wouldn't wish on anyone.

People only express empathy over me because they feel guilty if they don't, and at that point they may as well just cry and get therapy for me too, it changes nothing, it means nothing.

Alternatively they don't express empathy and just abuse you to feel better instead. Means nothing.


I'm completely broken and have been for years, nothing I do can fix that. I've just been trying to distract myself and like always, I will continue to do so, This channel being my continued cycle of that.



On a lighter note, my birthday has been and went, in college but already want to retire! 😅

Had fun, ate some grub and got a little tipsy, but it was okay all around..


Now my family will pay absolutely zero attention to me for the rest of the year and shut me up if I complain about it by deflecting or other means.



Sorry for this dumb sorta vent/update post but I thought you guys kinda deserved an update after quarter of a year... Time goes really fast like holy SHI-

It's probably better I post this though than make my other sorta video's about feeling glum or.. you know..


So yeah. Sorry I've been away so long. Expect me soon but not too soon, maybe a little before or after Halloween. And I sincerely hope your all having a better day than I am rn.










Oh and happy spooky season! 💕✨🎃

1 year ago (edited) | [YT] | 103