The Stars Clocked Out Early So We Could Have the Sky to Ourselves

If It’s Just Us Left, Then Let Me Reintroduce Myself as the Man Who Never Left Your Side

No Wi-Fi, No Friends, No World News — Just Your Name Glowing in the Dark

If Every City Fell Silent, I’d Still Hear You Breathing Next to Me Like a Private Radio Station

The Government Said Stay Calm While the Moon Started Buffering Like a YouTube Video From 2009

I Bought Canned Goods for the Apocalypse but Forgot to Cancel My Gym Membership

The Sky Turned Red at 4:32 PM and You Still Haven’t Texted Me Back

THE WORLD IS ENDING AND I JUST WANTED TO SAY—F*CK YOU BEFORE THE WIFI CUTS OUT!

My haters sent me flowers (Wrong address though!)

Why Is Everyone Following Me? I Was Just Joking

I Motivated Myself So Hard I Pulled a Hamstring

Standing on Business (But It’s a Wobbly Table)

Dancing Like Rent Is Due Tomorrow

Not Qualified but Extremely Confident

Accidentally Became a Leader While Looking for Snacks

Text Myself “You Got This”

Screaming at the Microwave Like It Owes Me Money

S.T.A.N.D. (Somebody Tell Aliens Not to Deliver)

I'm a parent

Will You Still Love Me If I Was Broke?

Jobs Aren’t Hiring

A.I. Replaced My Job

Car on E (Let’s Grab Quarters From the Wishing Well)

Let’s Drive Until We Get Lost

Will You Push the Car With Me

Bills due

adulting with the windows down

Mirrors Don’t Blink

Static in My Veins

Orbiting the Paranoid Sun

Love’s a Game, I’m the Player No One Survives

I Tried to Ascend but Gravity Said Nah, Bro

Single Life Chronicles: Smiles on the Outside, Chaos Inside

Alone in the City, Mind Twisting While Love Sleeps

My Therapist Said Breathe Deep, the World Said Breathe Smoke

Healing Crystals Can’t Fix a System Built on Broken Mirrors

Healing Crystals Can’t Fix a System Built on Broken Mirrors

Vegan Thoughts in a Carnivorous Economy

Third Eye Open, Bank Account Closed

Praying for Peace While Doomscrolling the Apocalypse

I Tried to Ascend but Gravity Said Nah, Bro

Healing in Public While the World Watches Like It’s Content

I Broke Generational Curses but the Family Group Chat Still Toxic

I Learned Self-Love From People Who Hate Themselves Loudly

Enlightenment Is Real but It Has Ads Now

Welcome to the Watch

search party from ring

What you cooking Loretta?

Turn the lights up

Tingle and tangle ( deserts and dancing )

I Tried to Seduce You with Leftovers

Salad

Preheat (Whispered Instructions) “Set the oven to 350… and your heart to vulnerable

Personal Financial Advisor (No Refunds, No Questions)

I Can Do Your Taxes in Under Three Minutes

Celebrities I Fixed Financially (They Can’t Confirm or Deny)

My Resume Is 47 Pages and None of It Is Verifiable

Borrowed Minutes With Interest

The Day Started Ending Before I Woke Up

The Alarm Clock Apologized Before It Rang