Alexes Wright

Mon Dec 15 2025 6:58 pm
My Diary

I keep seeing it. Like a polar bear's, ice cold huff into the wind.
A breath. A voice.
Just over the caucus mountains...
White people.
White people...

We make fun of them. Everyone does. But you know why you can't call it racism?
This is cynicism. We are mocking your ancestors and what's left of them in your generational wealth.

I've noticed ever since the birth of memes.
Something is coming.
Something I can see right now.
Everyone is starting to hate white people.
Racism is racism.
We shouldn't hate white people.
We should hate fascists.

A child isn't born racist.

It's time to look at the generational aspects of classism.
But I fear people are too ignorant and will enjoy the idea of revenge too much.
Validating racism by participating in it.

We must not forget. No child deserves this.
And this is not about the color of our skin.
This is about classism.
This is about our life practices and the world's economy.

America was supposed to be the one place anyone can belong.
Now no one belongs.
And it seems every other country is diversifying faster than America now.

That was our skill. That was what I bragged about. Our diversity and the power in people from all over the world, coming together.

I loved America, because I thought we were going to save the world.
Meanwhile we were leeching off it.

It amazes me that anyone still participates with America, considering that we wear our stolen goods right on our forehead.
Written as debt.
Such a ridiculous amount. That we should've been disqualified from the entire world a long time ago!!!

Yes. America is changing. It's always been!!!!!!!

13 hours ago | [YT] | 0

Alexes Wright

Watch my brain deteriorate in real time. Tickets tickets anyone

20 hours ago | [YT] | 0

Alexes Wright

Mon Dec 14 2025. 10:05 am


In America.
By the time your brain fully develops.
You will have an obsession with producivity.
And your job will end up being where you live.
We're like one big family here!

Staying at home will be seen as an unproductive waste of time!
Do something with your life!

Yet we are asked.
What is the purpose of life?
And when I say. "Home".
They call me a waste of space.

And suddenly. No one shows up to Christmas. Not even grandma.
We are all homeless.
Because we were banned from the dinner table.

I'm watching homemaking videos.
I'm afraid I won't have anyone to share my success with. More than I'm afraid of not being successful.

That's why friends have always been more important to me than grades.
None of this will be worth it if I don't have a family.

When did living with your family become a disgrace.
Why do you want us to care for you in hospice, in our homes.
After you've kicked us all out.

What you taught me, is when I grow up, I move out. You're honestly a retarded piece of shit.

Families get bigger not smaller.
All I've ever done was try to bring people together.
All I've ever wanted was a home.

22 hours ago | [YT] | 0

Alexes Wright

It's not "what's wrong with you"
It's
"What's stopping you"

Only you, know what you need.
Only you know what's holding you back.

Your goal is to remove the obstacle.
Not avoid it...?

I'll forget this tomorrow.

1 day ago | [YT] | 0

Alexes Wright

My Diary
Monday December 15, 2025 6:05 am

Binge watching homesteading all night...

I think I'm grieving everything I've lost. Including myself.

I spent so many years thinking I was wrong and unatural.

All I remember is.
"Greedy girl who stole food."
Selfish greedy glutton who got sent to school with an apple for a snack every day.
And stole the other children's snacks.
Yet, it's so hard to tell myself that.
Still.

Now that I can finally see that I was literally born way ahead of my time? Listening to my body? I can't accept that either.
My cravings were never wrong.
The food in America is meant to to trick us with smoke and mirrors.

Example.
Eating a whole bag of chips after playing outside.
Because I was desperate for salt.
And only ever given water. Electrolytes were not given, or treated as important. When i got into sports, i was not allowed to have Gatorade. Just water. Falling behind in soccer. It finally makes sense why I was. I would watch the other kids drinking Gatorade but still not figure out why I was falling behind.


Why can't I see her instead?
The girl who understood the value of food?
Appreciated it.
Loved it.
Knew what she needed but didn't have access to it. She was excited about food.
And then repeatedly disappointed by food.
Almost constantly.
Whether that was. Don't drink water until your plate is finished. Or being left in front of my food for hours until I finish it.
No waste. No complaints. Shovel it down. It all goes to the same place.
Just like my mom said.
She never tasted her food. She didn't think she deserved to. She'd swallow it whole and say, it doesn't matter. Food is food.

I knew it was wrong.

And that's why I "stole it".
To me. Fighting over food never made sense. Because money didn't. Spending money on surviving didn't make sense.
I felt safe in a country knowing I had food stamps. But I would still get water for dinner.
I just knew it was wrong for anyone to be hungry. I didn't realize. Although I was a chubby kid. I actually was starving.
My and all my friends in school became obsessed with Japanese cooking. We only realized it was, because of the super fresh food that looked full of love and nutrients. Colorful. Full of life.
I began to love cooking. I mastered salmon once I realized. Your ingredients matter more than your seasoning. So I'd go to the fish market and get a pound and a half of salmon.
My first job? Helping lunch ladies in school.
They inspired me to cook chicken broth and spinach together. Add some butter. A little cheese. I remember it like it was yesterday.
My sister has graves disease. Comes back home. This time in my life i cooked constantly and my sister loved all of it. She taught me how to cook food with health in mind. Something i was very put off to. I made her that spinach. And then I ended up cooking for the both of us nearly every day. Exploring and learning food.

Her and I started to get abused by our adoptive family. Starved. She had graves disease. So i wouldn't stand for it. Potato salad went flying. A drink was thrown on my sister. I punched my dad in the face.
All because of food.
I lost my home and everything i own.
Fighting for food.
Fighting for the right to be worthy of being alive.
Being worthy enough for what's on your plate. The plate you hide from me.
The candy you hide.
While you give me an apple...

I was born knowing that food is the purpose of life. I would seek it out obsessively.
Trying to unwind what every flavor meant.
What it made me feel.
How my body would change when I got something I needed.
How my cravings transformed into desiring foods that were demonized in cartoons like broccoli.
Id beg my adoptive mom for broccoli and she would unnecessarily praise me. She was projecting that eating vegetables makes me a good kid. This was very very very bad for my development in reasoning.

The first time I had raw broccoli. My life changed. Then when I had an heirloom tomato as a teenager. Everything changed FOREVER. Farmers markets were a luxury. But id look forward to them all week! Mustard greens and weird mushrooms? Every day outside with the grill. My mom would say.
What are you going to do with your life.
I would say. This isn't life?
I don't ever want to let this go.
I would say. What if we had a garden...

Life is not about work.
It's about the dinner table.
I was absolutely right.

I miss the dinner table.
But I miss belonging there.
Now it's only for Christmas.

What is life about mom?

Is it about food? I love food!

My favorite present was candy.

Not socks.

It told me. You deserve the best. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be okay.
Safe.

I'd sleep under the Christmas tree.
I felt free.

I felt free when I didn't have my own bed.
Even though my sisters did.
I slept on the floor with my other siblings.
So where I slept didn't always matter.
I actually was a good kid.
I also used to sleep by the front door so I could feel the cool night air creep under the door. My face would be cold and my body warm.

Mom said one day. Don't sleep there.
I realized she was scared I'd walk out the door. Can't blame her. I did before.

I could sleep wherever I wanted.
And be safe.
I was safe.
I wasn't working for deserving.
I already belonged.
I was already living.
I had a life.

My mom told me why rich people are never happy. And it's because they never have enough.
I realized.
Fearing for my future is the only thing that diffetenciates me, from someone more successful.

When I was in intermediate school. I put in my year book. When I grow up. I want to be a farmer. The entire class laughed at me..

I think I was born way ahead of my time....

1 day ago | [YT] | 0

Alexes Wright

I'M AN ADULT GOD DAMN IT 🫠 why am I scared of being punished.

Even though it's all we do anymore.
Discipline. Got replaced with punishment.
Are you disciplined or punished?

YOU CAN'T GET IN TROUBLE FOR TALKING

2 days ago | [YT] | 0

Alexes Wright

Hey therapist. (Rough draft)

My Diary. Sunday December 14, 2025 1:48 AM

『Ahhh just waking up....😬 』

Have you ever wondered why our conversations are private, therapist?

It's okay we don't have to share.
I wouldn't want to make you look unprofessional. Or for you to lose your job.
The thing keeping you alive. Sorry.
But.
Couldn't they help?
Don't people like drama?
Don't they like it real?
Don't they like me??
Don't they like the truth???
Hasn't everyone that hates me, told me to write a book?
And you wonder why I haven't?
If they were being honest, wouldn't they read it????

Did you mean it.
Any of it.


There's something eerie this Christmas.
Something about nostalgia.
Gingerbread Houses.
No more family.
No more holidays.
No more friends.

And I'm aware now.
Everyone has accepted this.
I'm burnt out. I'm watching people do what I did a year ago. Catching onto the truth.

I feel invisible.
But instead of people reaching out to tell me that I was right all along. They don't even remember.
Why am I so lonely?
I feel like no one else thinks like I do, until years later.
By the time people figure it out, they forgot that I'm the one who taught them.
Or pretend that I never contributed to their growth. I just become a discarded used tool.

People treat survival like a game. The cold has damaged my body. Every glow up I've had, there's been a curious evil that would show up. Not this time. It was more like. A sneaky invisible audience, trying not to be caught watching me. Full of ex's or friends that have betrayed me.

Hell. I've had people tell me that I've changed them and their life so much.
Then betray me. Or. Come back to tell me all that years later.
Ontop of that, straight up verbal abuse in response to my affection. Harassment. Blood lust. Weird behaviors!
So I was right and you were in denial.
But you won't admit it now.

Now you're gonna play clueless and act like you were this person all along?
You're this smart guy now? No you've always been smart? I just never realized?
Mf I taught you.

I'm really sad. I'm really sad and staring to feel afraid. The evil around me becomes more and more clear.
People don't feel each other.
They look at each other with these empty eyes that only reflect back inside.
I'm afraid of people.
I'm afraid of greed. I'm afraid of the selfishness.
I think my reality is opening itself up to me.

I'm alone. No one has been watching over me.
All the work I've done will be forgotten.
I'm free. I'm free to do whatever I want.
But I want to love you.
But your eyes are empty. Thinking your own thoughts.
I'm alone in my head that's why I'm alone. You're right there. You're real.
But I'm not.
I'm not real in the sense. Something is wrong with me. Just like something is wrong with everyone.
I'm not used to being around anyone that doesn't pick apart WHO I am... I HAVEN'T EVEN GOT TO SAY IT YET.
I feel like an imposter to myself.
My worst fear as a child is going to jail for something I didn't do.
Id have these replaying thoughts.
What if they don't believe me.
Cause "they" never did.
I'm used to everyone including family in my life. Looking at my face. And saying "I don't believe you".

Adding to the panic. I would look more suspicious. I swear I didn't take that chocolate bar what chocolate bar? Get my ass beat.
Turns out i was a liar.
I stole that chocolate bar. And I lied.
I didn't tell someone else's truth.
When in reality, my sisters blamed it on me.
I never stole the chocolate. They did.
Yet I still think to myself. You're wrong.

I feel like a problem. That makes me feel like I don't have the right to be friends. I talk too much and everyone is tired.
Yet they are desperate for entertainment?

Is getting older giving up? Is being 25 a test of sanity? Will I be abused for my perspective of reality?
Will I go to jail for something I didn't do?
Should I just give up.

I'm grieving my family. I've lost my entire family. It's 2025. Merry Christmas.

How can I be okay? I have these visions. I know how my life ends.

I desperately want to be honest with the world but if i was to say that I feel in my heart, I'll die of suicide some day. They will rush in with lassos and whips.
I'm terrified of authority. If I ever end up under it again. I may not make it. Why do I write this all? To be studied when I'm dead.

I don't want the attention when I'm awake.
What is attention other than people looking at me with their own eyes? Your eyes are beatiful.
But mine need to be shut. And I think I owe it to you to tell you why.
I'm 25... why can't I tell the world how I feel.
Why is what I feel wrong?
Why will it be right after I'm gone?

The truth is. No one will study me.
I literally do everything i do, to be studied. I keep thinking. I'm not going to be here. I don't want anyone to have questions like me.

I'm 'Schrodingers Cat' because I'm dead and alive.
Slip through the cracks of a broken mind.

Make yourself at home.


You can say I belong to someone.
As a metaphor.

My eyes are slits,
They're a light experiment.
What's on the other side?
But a hypothesis?

Why are 'they' hateful regardless?
They think their love makes them harmless.
Why does 'they' get me in trouble.
Why do I worry for a word I fumbled.
Why am I crazy for saying 'they'
When 'they' are the ones listening.

I will always be an imposter.

That's why I want to be studied. If I can't understand myself. Maybe you're smart enough to.
And then comes my worst problem.

Everyone has been calling me smart lately.
This is causing fight or flight.

When I say "they" I know who I'm talking about!
"They" is the people ive experienced. Directly or indirectly. "They" are the people in my life.
The celebrities i watch, that can't see me. Are still apart of my life, watching me on TV.
They is yoooou and me.
The Invisible Audience.
I'm talking about God and God's children.
That's why "they" is such a scary word to say.
Because no...
"They'd never understand..."

Write a book Alexes. So no one can read it until you kill yourself.

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2 days ago | [YT] | 1

Alexes Wright

I've learned i don't hate white people. I hate fascists...I don't hate old people...I hate this generation.

2 days ago | [YT] | 0

Alexes Wright

We are at the point of parrots and lambs.
The worst game of telephone ever.
Everyone keeps talking about politics but nothing changes.
No one apologizes.
The oligarchy buys more and more freedom.

Turns out. You don't get a cookie for being right about everything.

And these evil people know what they're doing.
Yet.
Everyone is waiting for an apology?
Is the devil going to apologize?

Parrots repeat themselves and sheep repeat each other. Either way, they do it to fit in.
Regardless. They aren't listening!

For the last time. This is serious.
There's no going back to an old America.
It's been getting worse since the day I was born in 2000.

Are you guys gonna keep waiting for it to get better? Or will you finally fight back?

It's called fighting back for a reason.

If the only change we can make is a protest.
Hold up signs that say #abolishthegovernment

3 days ago | [YT] | 1

Alexes Wright

3 days ago | [YT] | 1