About me? The details of my life are quite inconsequential, very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving head football coach from eastern Oklahoma with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was an elementary teacher named Sharon with tiny feet. My father would draw X's and O's, he would drink Mountain Dew. He would make outrageous claims like a chicken could pull a train. Sometimes he would accuse the football field of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in the locker room, sports camps. In the spring we'd lift weights. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with tackling dummies- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first pair of 2 snap polyester coaching shorts. At the age of fourteen an assistant coach named Frank ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum...
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