“I’ve got a dumb dog. We call him Egypt...”

“Hey, don’t paint me like a bad guy, will ya?”

“I tell ya Dean, it’s always a pleasure to see ya.”

“With cigarettes, my wife and I, we made a deal...”

“First I’ll get my bowling ball rebuffed.”

“I tell ya, with my wife, when she's behind the wheel it’s always something, ya know?”

“My father, he was a workaholic. Oh yeah. You mention work, he got drunk.”

“Sir, I’m sorry to interrupt you but I believe I’ve won.”

“Rodney, it looks like it’s going to be a small party after all.”

“I tell ya, my wife isn’t too smart, ya know...”

“So this is where my story ends. I’m just another prisoner of love.”

“My wife can’t do nothing right. She can’t cook, the worst cook in the world...”

“Wanda tried to stop me, but I told her she was full of hot air.”

“And when things go wrong in the apartment, I get no help from the superintendent.”

“When I was a kid I was so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black and white.”

“We had so much in common. My father was a gardener, her father was a hose.”

“I tell ya, it’s nice to hear you laugh.”

“Oh Wanda, my darling, I can’t live without you.”

“I was out driving with my wife the other day...”

“At last, a woman who would be mine alone. No strings attached… well, maybe one.”

“There’s a roach in the punch bowl!”

Mr. Dangerfield, what should we do about the sperm whale?

“What’s a high class guy like that doing with a low class broad like you?”

“Hey Doc, it’s me… Rodney.”

Rodney I hope you didn't try to drive in that condition.

“I tell ya, the way some people give you directions, you can’t help but get lost...”

“Hey mister, I’m on my break.”

Rodney finally put a face to the name when he cast Andy Kaufman as Dr. Vinnie Boombatz.

“I mean that’s the story of my life. No respect, I don’t get no respect at all. You kidding?”

“Never take your work home with you. That's how I lost my wife...’”

“For me, nothing comes easy. I met the Surgeon General, he offered me a cigarette.”

“Why is the men’s room locked? Is that so tough to figure out? We want to confuse people.”

“Oh, yesterday was a beauty too…”

“I tell ya, life isn’t easy. My psychiatrist told me I’m going crazy…”

“Here he is. Just now finished 22 sensational weeks in a garage in Newark.”

“You eat when you fly? You’re an animal!”

“It means... I don’t take shit from no one.”

Rodney had President Reagan laughing up a storm at “The Stars Salute the President”.

“Hey mister, I’m on my break.”

“No respect. Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me, ‘Basement?’”

“What do you think, you’re tough? I’ll show you tough.”

“Terrible neighborhood. The first day I moved in…”

“I’m sorry, I’m all alone here.”

“I tell ya, I’m all right now, but last week I was in rough shape...”

𝐕𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐞: Are you trying to see through my clothes? 𝐑𝐨𝐝𝐧𝐞𝐲: I’m trying but it’s tough.

“I tell ya, my kid, he drives me nuts...”

How To Be an Auto Mechanic

Dean Martin tells one of his favorite jokes of Rodney’s