My wife hates that her paycheck comes with a pecker.

Faith doesn't pay bills, but following directions can be *very* profitable!

First come First served!

Lessons were learned. #nopanicbutton #comedy #remote #toys

I didn't know you could refuse the sonic torture device!

If left in the shop unattended, unfamiliar items may get played with.

Making cancellations difficult should be a Capital Offense.

Paybacks around here are getting dangerous!

Good deed for the day, DONE!

I can't decide what annoys me more, The fact that they told me to do this or that it worked.

All they really did was get into the shop but to hear Grandpa tell it they survived a house fire!

How much could seven seconds of wife-operated-tractor-time cost?

Taxation is theft! Also, I about threw my back out getting my leg up so you better enjoy!

The world needs a culling....

Its a shame that Utopia would cause hell on earth. Tug of war anyone?

Hooray for American Healthcare! How do you take *your* caffeine?

If you try to weaponize the police against me I'll burn your world just to roast a marshmallow.

Familywatchdog and NSOPW are my favorites,but if you want the extras you'll have to search a bit.

At least *some* things never change....

Sorry for the delay. Leave it to John to find a silver lining tho!

Learning is a life long journey! #nopanicbutton

Lasers. Good for powder weapons and PowerPoints

The Holidays are coming! Brush up on your BLS or that yam may claim your Dirty Aunt Girty this year!

Boomers +Technology = Moo Shu Pork.

Apparently being my friend is a lucrative venture

Deer: noun. see Wisconsin Speed Bump

Love, marriage, and family can be a bit confusing at times!

I wonder if French sign language is as sexy as it sounds....

Enjoy your sculpture David! Should arrive 02Oct25!

Premature E-Jack-O-Lantern is a preventable disorder. Talk to a friend before it's too late!

The family of a comedian rarely finds them funny.

Your children are your parents payback.

If two govt agencies are fighting over something you own, *you* will always be the loser.

These are the questions that keep me up at night.

We've all wanted to feed the baby at one point or another.

If you pray loud and long enough someone will eventually do whatever they can to shut you up!

I love being challenged to a good old fashioned game of "Who's a bigger "A" hole!"

I will NOT be out pettied! And update your will you heathens!

You ever just get to talking and forget there's a priest in the room?

Why are logic, reason, and questions so antagonizing to the faithful?

The Dis*ord link is in my bio. I swear I'm not trying to make this harder than it has to be!

Military Training makes changes to a body that are both intense and enduring!

Figures y'all would send me good eats just when I get out on a diet!

Are horse girls really that bad?

Even the Best Men are capable of horrible things when desperate.

There's a big difference between expressing yourself and grooming children.

No report filed. Called in to see if there was a pending charge... No idea what I was talking about.

Pranks that destroy hope are my favorite!