my head is empty

see you this friday, for a little one (little but intense) <3 (inspired by lord of the rings)

1 day ago | [YT] | 106

my head is empty

"nothing is real, part XXIII" is OUT NOW. (about the album below)
youtube.com/playlist?list=OLA...
- this album, i want to be as transparent as i can about it.
there are previous installments in the "nothing is real" series i am far more proud of. some of them only have 4 songs, all of which spell out a paragraph when read together. little things like that, were so artistic to me, and special. things i'd never seen done before in music. those short albums were written before i had MS. i was only really going thru the loss of Jacob then. immense grief. it was a darkness i never thought i would let go of.
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it was such dark times, that it ended up forcing me to make the best music i could. i told myself that, this darkness that felt like everyday was swallowing me whole, if i can make something equally beautiful it would in the very least even out.
i remember driving to parking lots all over to scream, recording the vocals. i was always threatened everywhere i lived by neighbors that they would call the authorities on me for my loud music. i remember slipping notes back and fourth to one of them, trying to explain to them, some heartfelt messages i had received about how my songs had help people stay around, and to not harm th3mselves. she wrote a letter back saying i was insane and that music does not help people like that, and if i didn't stop playing my music outloud she would get me evicted.

stupid stuff like this, thru out the years, all of this before my MS, just frustrations, my own family not believing in my dream to hold the hearts of many in my hands, knowing i wanted that responsibility, and would do great at not only helping myself deal with my feelings, but so many others. back then, that's all it was, and it felt easier to make these albums. it was a simple goal, to feel everything i feel on maximum and never run from my feelings, to try to crack them wide open and put them into music, alot of the time entirely instrumentally. i want it to be clear, its only the 23 "nothing is real" songs. - the simple ambient stuff like "i was only temporary" is hardly even music to me, and takes 15 mins to make.

but these days, "nothing is real" part 23 took so long to finish. i've come to realize that it took along time to finish, because the only way i knew how to write things albums was from the worst struggles in my life. my entire family not believing in me, so many different wounds and loss in my life being so fresh.

these days, i have MS. a dang brain disease. it messes up my eye sight so bad, its very hard to even use a computer to record my instruments now and put things together. i've realized that things are different now. this album i almost hate. i really do love some of the songs a lot, but it does not have the specific targeted feeling that some of the others have.

i read a review of a "nothing is real" album once on a music forum saying that "all the songs sound very similar", i think they meant it in a bad way. but it made me smile so much. i believe whole heartidly that i set out to make Jacob proud and make my own genre, and that people heart them and do hear the way it has a cohesive sound. it makes me happy. this is what i always wanted to do. to just be myself.

While its very much trash that scumbags like oneheart tried to steal this sound from me, manipulate me into making it for them and so much other trash (send him my sounds), i know in my heart, regardless of how hard anyone trys to steal it, it will always be mine, and regardless of how hard anyone trys to rip it off, nobody will ever come close. because no matter what, even if someone tried to make a full blown illegal cover, nobody will ever put their feelings and true emotions into music the way i do.

i think for the time i spend alive on this earth, i promise you, all of you, that nobody will ever be more honest and open with you than myself. it is an incredibly large task, but its one i trust myself fully, forever and always to uphold. i know that ever piece of music i share, it will always have my truest and deepest emotions from the most diffacult places in my life,

always for one reason only.

i always want every single one of you to feel the things i feel in these songs, and know that when they connect with you, deep in your heart, that i know how you feel. and that simple connection is my way of being there with you, wrapping my arms around you and saying "i know how you feel, and you are not alone"

i want to leave behind as many of these hugs in songs as i can, so wether i'm still here or not, i can be there for people who feel like nobody is there.
i am there with you, and you are not alone. we are all connected.
big love, and thank you for listening.
i promise that when part 24 comes out eventually, it will be more focused, i have done away with many burdens and mental baggage ive been carrying for years, and its as if a breath of fresh air has filled my lungs. i feel lighter, and ready to start a new chapter with you all <3

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1 week ago | [YT] | 463

my head is empty

hello again, my empties!
“nothing is real, part XXIII” pre-save is now available!
i would share the youtube link to do so, but youtube does not have this feature yet.
so for now, here is the sp0tify link, in the comments! 🤍
i hope you guys enjoy this one!
my health has never been worse, going blind and such. MS is a really trash disease but, regardless of how long it took thru the health lows and highs, eventually it was made. i just hope part 24 does not take near as long to make. i would never release these for the sake of spamming them. i know there are a lot but i only want to share them when i feel very proud of the work, and that is real. the final song on the album is a piano thing and the vocals were recorded in 1 take. i didn’t plan out how to sing it or notes or anything so its full of horrible singing and mistakes and overall very raw but it feels real and makes me feel something special, i hope it will for you too <3

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2 weeks ago | [YT] | 879

my head is empty

hello empties! "nothing is real, part xxiii" ANNOUNCEMENT BELOW
but first... today's song comes in 2 version!
youtube wouldn't let me post the mini ep, so here is the link to both version!
youtube.com/playlist?list=OLA...

okay so.. announcement time!!
NOTHING IS REAL, PART XXIII COMES OUT NEXT FRIDAY!
i hope you guys enjoy the latest installment!
the final track on the album is a very personal piano piece about a very painful part of my life, that i never really moved on from, so i figured making a song about it would help. the vocals are very raw and were recorded in 1 take, no second chances, so its sloppy and awful, but.. its real, and its me, flaws and all. so i hope you will like the final song titled "closure song"".
some of the songs have already been out, but there is also new music like "cleansing song".
either way, i hope you guys enjoy it! thank you all for supporting my indepdent music. thjat disgusting oneheart and dreamscape label really tried to steal everything away from me, but all of the support you all show and continue to give to me just listening to the new music really gives me a chance to live a normal life and i just want you all to know how eternally grateful i am. my eyesight has been getting worse and worse. MS is really progressing in ways i feared, but for however long i can still see with my eyes somewhat (hopefully forever) i am seeing all of this, this community, the messages and comments you all send about this music and its impact for you, and im just feeling so blessed to be apart of this with you all, and share this space. thank you so much for everything, my empties!

2 weeks ago | [YT] | 254

my head is empty

hello gamers! the community section is a little confusing but, if the post does not come from this account (the one posting this) it is not me! just wanted to let u guys know :-)
lots of new music coming each friday btw ! :D

3 weeks ago | [YT] | 323

my head is empty

Today's new song!
See you today at the 🔺Live YouTube Premiere🔺!
(the premiere is for a different song!) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0zO6u...

3 weeks ago | [YT] | 335

my head is empty

one of my all time favorite songs!
see you all at the Live Premiere this friday!
and BIG LOVE to all the gamers in the chat of the 250K Halloween Live Event!
it was an incredible hour chatting with you all, and it means so much to me that so many of you find as much comfort in this music as i do making it.
i won't ever let you guys down!!! <3

1 month ago | [YT] | 201

my head is empty

todays new song
its a hype one !
happy friday, gamers <3

1 month ago | [YT] | 654

my head is empty

EDIT: UPDATE - soundcloud for artists fought this for me and was able to have it re-instated on YouTube music, instagram music library, and tiktok, but it does not excuse the fact that after years, my music was suddenly deemed "not music" and removed from music librarys. this is insane. my biggest audio "i was only temporary (slowed + reverb) is still not on instagram. most people dont use the official audio and add it again, and all those videos are not detecting its my song or crediting me since they removed it, and the original audio itself with 300k reels is not there still, only the normal speed with much less videos.
this is insane. they can't just delete music cause they feel like it, espically songs that have been used so much. this isn't right, and im not going to just sit here and have it happen to this community, i will risk the sh4d0wb4n, to speak out. anyways, below is the original post ...

⚠️ Bummer Post Warning ⚠️
my "nothing is real" albums / music in general, is under attack from greedy labels! (sounds crazy but its not a joke unfortunately)
it seems major labels are using their power and influence to force platforms to delete and suppress any music tagged with the "ambient" genre now.
it... funny, because those labels have been approaching me for years trying acquire rights to my music,
but since i refused and continued to just post music independently, and that ended up being enough, its reached you all here on youtube! they have used their power to force platforms like YouTube, instagram, and tiktok to delete it from their services. the truth is, its because its growing, and it poses a threat to their industry plant artists they spend millions trying to force fame with, and so now... apparently my music is "not music".
that's the excuse they are using. this album is clearly not "background meditation sounds" but that's the excuse they are using to force platforms to delete it. they are saying anything remotely ambient sounding shouldn't be considered ambient. they are invalidating each and every one of us who uses this type of music to relax. apparently relaxing music isn't music? also, they are removing this album thats very intense and not really relaxing at all.

since they cannot make money off it themselves, and have not been able to force myself or others in the same situation to give the rights to it to the, let alone respond to their ridiculously predatory and manipulative emails.
I guess since the "nothing is real" albums are finally reaching the people who need it, and it can help, and it's making an impact and growing, they want to suppress it and shut it down.
classic corperate greed, Johnny Silverhand (Cyberpunk 2077) would not approve.
anyways, at least the album is here in this video still, but it was removed from youtube, instagram, tiktok, etc;

1 month ago (edited) | [YT] | 144

my head is empty

🗣️ANNOUNCEMENT(S)
1. all time codes for each song in the new 1 hour mix have been added!
will appear in buffer scrubber thing, as well as the description with tappable time codes and album information
2. NEW SONG THIS FRIDAY!

- sorry it took so long to get these time codes added, had some coffee today and knocked it out!
BIG LOVE, GAMERS!!
will share the link to the new song when it releases this friday :-) have a good week and remember to drink water!

1 month ago | [YT] | 115