"nothing is real, part XXIII" is OUT NOW. (about the album below) youtube.com/playlist?list=OLA... - this album, i want to be as transparent as i can about it. there are previous installments in the "nothing is real" series i am far more proud of. some of them only have 4 songs, all of which spell out a paragraph when read together. little things like that, were so artistic to me, and special. things i'd never seen done before in music. those short albums were written before i had MS. i was only really going thru the loss of Jacob then. immense grief. it was a darkness i never thought i would let go of. - it was such dark times, that it ended up forcing me to make the best music i could. i told myself that, this darkness that felt like everyday was swallowing me whole, if i can make something equally beautiful it would in the very least even out. i remember driving to parking lots all over to scream, recording the vocals. i was always threatened everywhere i lived by neighbors that they would call the authorities on me for my loud music. i remember slipping notes back and fourth to one of them, trying to explain to them, some heartfelt messages i had received about how my songs had help people stay around, and to not harm th3mselves. she wrote a letter back saying i was insane and that music does not help people like that, and if i didn't stop playing my music outloud she would get me evicted.
stupid stuff like this, thru out the years, all of this before my MS, just frustrations, my own family not believing in my dream to hold the hearts of many in my hands, knowing i wanted that responsibility, and would do great at not only helping myself deal with my feelings, but so many others. back then, that's all it was, and it felt easier to make these albums. it was a simple goal, to feel everything i feel on maximum and never run from my feelings, to try to crack them wide open and put them into music, alot of the time entirely instrumentally. i want it to be clear, its only the 23 "nothing is real" songs. - the simple ambient stuff like "i was only temporary" is hardly even music to me, and takes 15 mins to make.
but these days, "nothing is real" part 23 took so long to finish. i've come to realize that it took along time to finish, because the only way i knew how to write things albums was from the worst struggles in my life. my entire family not believing in me, so many different wounds and loss in my life being so fresh.
these days, i have MS. a dang brain disease. it messes up my eye sight so bad, its very hard to even use a computer to record my instruments now and put things together. i've realized that things are different now. this album i almost hate. i really do love some of the songs a lot, but it does not have the specific targeted feeling that some of the others have.
i read a review of a "nothing is real" album once on a music forum saying that "all the songs sound very similar", i think they meant it in a bad way. but it made me smile so much. i believe whole heartidly that i set out to make Jacob proud and make my own genre, and that people heart them and do hear the way it has a cohesive sound. it makes me happy. this is what i always wanted to do. to just be myself.
While its very much trash that scumbags like oneheart tried to steal this sound from me, manipulate me into making it for them and so much other trash (send him my sounds), i know in my heart, regardless of how hard anyone trys to steal it, it will always be mine, and regardless of how hard anyone trys to rip it off, nobody will ever come close. because no matter what, even if someone tried to make a full blown illegal cover, nobody will ever put their feelings and true emotions into music the way i do.
i think for the time i spend alive on this earth, i promise you, all of you, that nobody will ever be more honest and open with you than myself. it is an incredibly large task, but its one i trust myself fully, forever and always to uphold. i know that ever piece of music i share, it will always have my truest and deepest emotions from the most diffacult places in my life,
always for one reason only.
i always want every single one of you to feel the things i feel in these songs, and know that when they connect with you, deep in your heart, that i know how you feel. and that simple connection is my way of being there with you, wrapping my arms around you and saying "i know how you feel, and you are not alone"
i want to leave behind as many of these hugs in songs as i can, so wether i'm still here or not, i can be there for people who feel like nobody is there. i am there with you, and you are not alone. we are all connected. big love, and thank you for listening. i promise that when part 24 comes out eventually, it will be more focused, i have done away with many burdens and mental baggage ive been carrying for years, and its as if a breath of fresh air has filled my lungs. i feel lighter, and ready to start a new chapter with you all <3
my head is empty
"nothing is real, part XXIII" is OUT NOW. (about the album below)
youtube.com/playlist?list=OLA...
- this album, i want to be as transparent as i can about it.
there are previous installments in the "nothing is real" series i am far more proud of. some of them only have 4 songs, all of which spell out a paragraph when read together. little things like that, were so artistic to me, and special. things i'd never seen done before in music. those short albums were written before i had MS. i was only really going thru the loss of Jacob then. immense grief. it was a darkness i never thought i would let go of.
-
it was such dark times, that it ended up forcing me to make the best music i could. i told myself that, this darkness that felt like everyday was swallowing me whole, if i can make something equally beautiful it would in the very least even out.
i remember driving to parking lots all over to scream, recording the vocals. i was always threatened everywhere i lived by neighbors that they would call the authorities on me for my loud music. i remember slipping notes back and fourth to one of them, trying to explain to them, some heartfelt messages i had received about how my songs had help people stay around, and to not harm th3mselves. she wrote a letter back saying i was insane and that music does not help people like that, and if i didn't stop playing my music outloud she would get me evicted.
stupid stuff like this, thru out the years, all of this before my MS, just frustrations, my own family not believing in my dream to hold the hearts of many in my hands, knowing i wanted that responsibility, and would do great at not only helping myself deal with my feelings, but so many others. back then, that's all it was, and it felt easier to make these albums. it was a simple goal, to feel everything i feel on maximum and never run from my feelings, to try to crack them wide open and put them into music, alot of the time entirely instrumentally. i want it to be clear, its only the 23 "nothing is real" songs. - the simple ambient stuff like "i was only temporary" is hardly even music to me, and takes 15 mins to make.
but these days, "nothing is real" part 23 took so long to finish. i've come to realize that it took along time to finish, because the only way i knew how to write things albums was from the worst struggles in my life. my entire family not believing in me, so many different wounds and loss in my life being so fresh.
these days, i have MS. a dang brain disease. it messes up my eye sight so bad, its very hard to even use a computer to record my instruments now and put things together. i've realized that things are different now. this album i almost hate. i really do love some of the songs a lot, but it does not have the specific targeted feeling that some of the others have.
i read a review of a "nothing is real" album once on a music forum saying that "all the songs sound very similar", i think they meant it in a bad way. but it made me smile so much. i believe whole heartidly that i set out to make Jacob proud and make my own genre, and that people heart them and do hear the way it has a cohesive sound. it makes me happy. this is what i always wanted to do. to just be myself.
While its very much trash that scumbags like oneheart tried to steal this sound from me, manipulate me into making it for them and so much other trash (send him my sounds), i know in my heart, regardless of how hard anyone trys to steal it, it will always be mine, and regardless of how hard anyone trys to rip it off, nobody will ever come close. because no matter what, even if someone tried to make a full blown illegal cover, nobody will ever put their feelings and true emotions into music the way i do.
i think for the time i spend alive on this earth, i promise you, all of you, that nobody will ever be more honest and open with you than myself. it is an incredibly large task, but its one i trust myself fully, forever and always to uphold. i know that ever piece of music i share, it will always have my truest and deepest emotions from the most diffacult places in my life,
always for one reason only.
i always want every single one of you to feel the things i feel in these songs, and know that when they connect with you, deep in your heart, that i know how you feel. and that simple connection is my way of being there with you, wrapping my arms around you and saying "i know how you feel, and you are not alone"
i want to leave behind as many of these hugs in songs as i can, so wether i'm still here or not, i can be there for people who feel like nobody is there.
i am there with you, and you are not alone. we are all connected.
big love, and thank you for listening.
i promise that when part 24 comes out eventually, it will be more focused, i have done away with many burdens and mental baggage ive been carrying for years, and its as if a breath of fresh air has filled my lungs. i feel lighter, and ready to start a new chapter with you all <3
1 week ago | [YT] | 463