Made this during my art class today I am happy with it. Seems everyone else in the class was too. There were a few options, white flowers, abstract objects but the theme for today was white related stuff just to not focus on colour but just base value if everything were monochrome Used only charcoal. Took me 3 hours, half an hour for contours, like over an hour doing willow shading, then half an hour compressed dark shading half an hour of highlights with white charcoal and half an hour for basic texture so he isn’t overly smooth, so you make it a little scratchy in some areas because no skull is polished with waxed and resin (maybe idk) RIP to the homeless man Jacob who volunteered for this role
I can’t fucking fuck fuck wait , we are rotting away! It’s all the same it’s all the same every single day it’s all the same please please feel something I’m going to die of mental pain There are things screaming in my ear, everything is turning red, I am seeing things I can’t sleep I can’t sleep
I saw something I will never forget last night. How it felt to stare up at those things speeding pass at the speed of light. Had gone so high, I was in the clouds, clouds so thick you couldn’t see a length in front of you. How it felt those sprays of light rushing by like a million stars as if I were in space. The dragging of those yellow lights and droplets of water on the windshield. Those trees were so ghostly. It was the darkest of nights I’ve ever seen. You turn to your left and there is nothing but green hills covered in a deep fog. I’m dying everything is so blurry my eyes are getting darker I’m getting cold. Everything is turning black and white. There is a visceral screaming in my ears. It feels like I’m in space. I toss and I turn and I toss for hours upon hours with no success. And then I get a vision. I was so close to you. I was in the floor in pain, and you were above me. And you held me. And you cared for me. And then I woke up, staring at the flakes of an unfamiliar ceiling in an unfamiliar place. I’m cold I’m cold I’m cold.
Maybe there is hope. Maybe there will be a day that something beautiful will come I can’t remember the last time I was genuinely happy But I hope another moment will soon come, even Anton agrees.
Ahhh it’s so damn annoying I was going to speak to a helpline today but thought against it because hahaha I don’t wanna end back at the hospital, so then that ruined my mood. I went outside this morning. I felt angry. When you feel like you just hit a brick wall and you’re dying and people around think you’re just not taking anything serious but you have such problems to open up and that you’re scared to talk so you’re in this awkward position where I need to tell you something but I don’t want to because I’m scared I was angry and I went outside and did a lot of walking today, it was very foggy today Yesterday when I went on my walk I just really felt like I wanted to give up. When I was walking today, it felt more like a dread. Not scared of death but like because something is there.
My stress has gone back up and I’m starting to see scary things again, but I don’t want to tell anyone that again because I can’t end back up at the hospital Seeing glimpses of headless people for split seconds always feels a bit icky to see. I hate how there feels as if there is always something behind my back digging their sharp sharp nails into the crooks of my shoulder and neck.
I feel disgustingly jealous I hate it when my cat hangs out in my sister’s room It feels selfish but I need to hold onto Nemo. He is mine. How could my cat turn down me to hang out with a person like her? Responsibilities were hard to face today, so I buried myself in my blanket hoping I’d just sleep because thinking was genuinely starting to hurt a lot.
I ended up distracting myself for the rest of the day by playing some game. How unproductive of me.
Oh boy I really do just love niche point and click story games with a heavily traumatised main character
I’ve been thinking of starting a little project. ADHD paralysis really fucking sucks tho. I’ve had the idea for a while and just hadn’t started it and it’s always there in my mind and I just hadn’t done it for some reason?
NashiPearCider
Made this during my art class today
I am happy with it.
Seems everyone else in the class was too.
There were a few options, white flowers, abstract objects but the theme for today was white related stuff just to not focus on colour but just base value if everything were monochrome
Used only charcoal.
Took me 3 hours, half an hour for contours, like over an hour doing willow shading, then half an hour compressed dark shading
half an hour of highlights with white charcoal and half an hour for basic texture so he isn’t overly smooth, so you make it a little scratchy in some areas because no skull is polished with waxed and resin (maybe idk)
RIP to the homeless man Jacob who volunteered for this role
It’s not perfect and that’s what matters
2 weeks ago | [YT] | 4
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NashiPearCider
1 month ago | [YT] | 3
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NashiPearCider
1 month ago | [YT] | 4
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NashiPearCider
I can’t fucking fuck fuck wait , we are rotting away! It’s all the same it’s all the same every single day it’s all the same please please feel something I’m going to die of mental pain
There are things screaming in my ear, everything is turning red, I am seeing things I can’t sleep I can’t sleep
1 month ago | [YT] | 1
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NashiPearCider
I can’t stop drinking coffee mphghghgh feels so goood.
1 month ago | [YT] | 3
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NashiPearCider
I saw something I will never forget last night.
How it felt to stare up at those things speeding pass at the speed of light.
Had gone so high, I was in the clouds, clouds so thick you couldn’t see a length in front of you.
How it felt those sprays of light rushing by like a million stars as if I were in space.
The dragging of those yellow lights and droplets of water on the windshield.
Those trees were so ghostly.
It was the darkest of nights I’ve ever seen.
You turn to your left and there is nothing but green hills covered in a deep fog.
I’m dying everything is so blurry my eyes are getting darker I’m getting cold.
Everything is turning black and white. There is a visceral screaming in my ears. It feels like I’m in space.
I toss and I turn and I toss for hours upon hours with no success.
And then I get a vision. I was so close to you. I was in the floor in pain, and you were above me. And you held me. And you cared for me.
And then I woke up, staring at the flakes of an unfamiliar ceiling in an unfamiliar place.
I’m cold I’m cold I’m cold.
1 month ago | [YT] | 1
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NashiPearCider
1 month ago | [YT] | 2
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NashiPearCider
1 month ago | [YT] | 2
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NashiPearCider
Maybe there is hope.
Maybe there will be a day that something beautiful will come
I can’t remember the last time I was genuinely happy
But I hope another moment will soon come, even Anton agrees.
1 month ago | [YT] | 4
View 1 reply
NashiPearCider
Ahhh it’s so damn annoying
I was going to speak to a helpline today but thought against it because hahaha I don’t wanna end back at the hospital, so then that ruined my mood.
I went outside this morning. I felt angry. When you feel like you just hit a brick wall and you’re dying and people around think you’re just not taking anything serious but you have such problems to open up and that you’re scared to talk so you’re in this awkward position where I need to tell you something but I don’t want to because I’m scared
I was angry and I went outside and did a lot of walking today, it was very foggy today
Yesterday when I went on my walk I just really felt like I wanted to give up. When I was walking today, it felt more like a dread. Not scared of death but like because something is there.
My stress has gone back up and I’m starting to see scary things again, but I don’t want to tell anyone that again because I can’t end back up at the hospital
Seeing glimpses of headless people for split seconds always feels a bit icky to see.
I hate how there feels as if there is always something behind my back digging their sharp sharp nails into the crooks of my shoulder and neck.
I feel disgustingly jealous
I hate it when my cat hangs out in my sister’s room
It feels selfish but I need to hold onto Nemo. He is mine. How could my cat turn down me to hang out with a person like her?
Responsibilities were hard to face today, so I buried myself in my blanket hoping I’d just sleep because thinking was genuinely starting to hurt a lot.
I ended up distracting myself for the rest of the day by playing some game. How unproductive of me.
Oh boy I really do just love niche point and click story games with a heavily traumatised main character
I’ve been thinking of starting a little project. ADHD paralysis really fucking sucks tho. I’ve had the idea for a while and just hadn’t started it and it’s always there in my mind and I just hadn’t done it for some reason?
1 month ago | [YT] | 2
View 2 replies
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