The old adage of “If you don’t ask, you don’t get” is often hailed as a forward thinking, bold way to move through life and get what you want. But it’s also an effective way to damage relationships with people who matter in your life.
I’m no saint, I’ve engaged in this way of thinking as well, but now I am much more discerning about acting on it.
Where I might use it, is if I were being seated at a restaurant table that I didn’t like, in which case I'd ask something like “Is that table over there free? Do you mind if I sit there?”
Usually it’s no skin off the waiter's nose either way, unless that table is reserved of course.
But where I wouldn’t act on the “If you don’t ask you don’t get” mentality is where;
+ I missed out on the cut off time for an early bird pricing
+ I forgot to use a coupon code and didn’t notice I was being charged full price at the checkout
+ Or where I purchased a program and then because I didn’t feel I ended up utilising it enough — try to get a refund or credit when the program finished.
In Australia we have a colloquial term that I think is appropriate for the examples above, it's called “taking the piss”.
And I’ll admit, that even recently I did consider asking for something that I would have been in this piss taking category…
What happened is that I'd forgotten to act on something within a certain timeframe, so I was tempted (momentarily) to write an email to justify why an exception to the rule should be made for me.
This request would have simultaneous signalled to the other party that I was asking them to abandon their own word and boundaries.
I’ve been on the receiving end of these kind of requests so I know first hand how disturbing and relationship altering they can be.
The request speaks volumes about the person who is asking, and in an instant I can find myself feel very differently towards them.
I share this perspective through the lens of interacting with solopreneurs and small businesses owners, the impact on folks with larger businesses would be far less or non existent I imagine.
Danielle Gardner
The old adage of “If you don’t ask, you don’t get” is often hailed as a forward thinking, bold way to move through life and get what you want. But it’s also an effective way to damage relationships with people who matter in your life.
I’m no saint, I’ve engaged in this way of thinking as well, but now I am much more discerning about acting on it.
Where I might use it, is if I were being seated at a restaurant table that I didn’t like, in which case I'd ask something like “Is that table over there free? Do you mind if I sit there?”
Usually it’s no skin off the waiter's nose either way, unless that table is reserved of course.
But where I wouldn’t act on the “If you don’t ask you don’t get” mentality is where;
+ I missed out on the cut off time for an early bird pricing
+ I forgot to use a coupon code and didn’t notice I was being charged full price at the checkout
+ Or where I purchased a program and then because I didn’t feel I ended up utilising it enough — try to get a refund or credit when the program finished.
In Australia we have a colloquial term that I think is appropriate for the examples above, it's called “taking the piss”.
And I’ll admit, that even recently I did consider asking for something that I would have been in this piss taking category…
What happened is that I'd forgotten to act on something within a certain timeframe, so I was tempted (momentarily) to write an email to justify why an exception to the rule should be made for me.
This request would have simultaneous signalled to the other party that I was asking them to abandon their own word and boundaries.
I’ve been on the receiving end of these kind of requests so I know first hand how disturbing and relationship altering they can be.
The request speaks volumes about the person who is asking, and in an instant I can find myself feel very differently towards them.
I share this perspective through the lens of interacting with solopreneurs and small businesses owners, the impact on folks with larger businesses would be far less or non existent I imagine.
2 years ago (edited) | [YT] | 4