As a bal teshuva sometimes the best thing to do is not to listen to your parents
1 year ago | 2
Mine was not a normal situation. One parent was a workaholic, the other was a drug addict. I grew up ignored, I forged my own way. So, I'll give you an example of how I raised children. 1) Out shopping for snow boots with the whole family. (Four of us.) 2) Daughter (6) and mother butted heads on clothing from day one. 3) Mother picked out a pair of snow boots, daughter said "No way, no how." 4) Daughter picked out a pair of snow boots, mother said, "No way, no how." 5) I sent mother and son away, to pick out snow boots for him. 6) I told daughter then to pick out 3 pair of boots, and try them on. 7) Then I asked her which fit best, and which worst. 8) Then I asked her which look best, and which worst. 9) She picked out the worst fitting as best looking... because it had glitter on it. 10) So I wiped my finger across the glitter, and showed her all the glitter sticking to my finger. And she did the same. I asked her how long she thought the glitter would stay on the boots. She frowned and said, "Not long." 11) So I asked her to imagine those boots without the glitter, if they'd still be the best looking. And she said that, they'd then be the worst looking, while the best fitting would also be the best looking. 12) She then on her own, took the (best fitting) boots to her mother and said, "These are the boots I want." To which her mother said, "They are very nice, I like them too." They weren't the ones she (mother) had picked out. But, she later admitted that she like them better than the ones she had picked out. 13) All through that time, all I did was ask questions. I did not voice my own opinion once. 14) Mother and son had long since stopped their shopping, and were watching us. Once daughter showed mother her final pick in boots, son sent about doing it the exact same way. So, they both ended up with snow boots, worth buying. From that day onwards, that's how clothing (and other shopping) was done. Anything to be bought was analyzed and considered on its merits. And, there was always a choice between options made. So, rarely was there a compromise needed. Don't sell your children short. Don't push them, lead them. Do things logically and with reason... and show them that reasoning. They'll understand you better. So in raising children, you always have to have in mind, that one day you won't be there, and they'll have to do things on their own. Being a good parent, means making sure they can cope well... when you're no longer there. Therefore, I can't agree with any of your three options. There are times, when each is a wrong option.
1 year ago | 0
My parents were not healthy people. It took me years of learning from HaShem, how to parent properly.
1 year ago | 0
Rabbi Isser Z Weisberg
How do you handle disagreements with your parents on how to raise your kids?
1 year ago | [YT] | 10