Once, I was on the phone with an insurance adjuster dealing with damage from a storm. My young sons were at the dinner table waiting to be served, and since they were sharing a bench, they could reach each other. They crashed their heads together so hard they nearly knocked each other off the bench (which was probably their goal, tbf). I said out loud “boys, we don’t bang our heads together at the table.” The insurance adjuster nearly fell out of his chair laughing and thanked me for calling that day, as he needed that laugh.
2 years ago | 639
I was once on a phone call and had to yell at my son, "Put the couch down! Do NOT throw the couch at your sister!" It was a a toddlers foam couch, but still not good to throw at baby sister. That was like...28 years ago, lol.
2 years ago | 114
my favorite thing i ever had to yell as a camp counselor: "i hope you guys are asleep and not washing the rat!"
2 years ago | 252
My cousin and I had a contest on the ridiculous things we’ve had to say to our kids. She won with “We don’t lick ANY part of the toilet. No matter how clean it is.”
2 years ago | 1,100
There have been many times where the sentence "don't eat socks" has come into play in my house
2 years ago | 39
Parenting is comedy gold disguised as a nervous breakdown…
2 years ago | 111
“Why are you naked?” Is probably the most common one. My 2yo has recently decided that changing her outfit several times a day with an “airing out” in between is the way to live life.
2 years ago | 114
I've been a wrangler of littles as a nanny several times in my life, though I've never had my own. These had me crying with laughter because, yes, it really is like that. Munchkin logic is on a totally different level. One from my archives: "White might be boring, but how would you feel if you were a cat and someone dipped you in blue toilet water"? Not even kidding...
2 years ago | 334
worked at a grocery store and a kid was a dog the whole way through the store. she would bark happily at people and it was the most awesome thing that day. mom just played along
2 years ago | 165
Told my toddler yesterday ‘we don’t growl at the other children’ 😂 he’s learning lol these pandemic babies are a different bree
2 years ago | 53
"if you're playing pretend, then pretend eat it" feels like a genius redirection. I'm sure it doesn't work nearly as well as it feels like it should.
2 years ago | 23
It's quite amusing the things you manage to keep a straight face for in context. Out of context or in retrospect does it get amusing.
2 years ago | 23
“Stop licking the cat” I still remind her at 20 years old that I actually had to say those words to her 😂
2 years ago | 37
I couldn't even read the whole thing without laughing lol funny thing is I've actually been told one of these things when I was a child 😂
2 years ago | 124
My husband took some nursing classes and had to lable a sheep brain. Which lead to "Don't worry there is enough sheep brain for everyone!". "I'm sorry your Very Hungry Caterpillar blanket is not real. I know, its very upsetting." " O all the rocks in your shoes are just for me? How thoughtful..."
2 years ago (edited) | 26
I use to do this thing with my sis...every time we would say the most craziest thing to our kids we would text it to each other. Our kids range from 5-22 and there 9 of them. Ohhh man we would crack up. Definitely kept us sane some days.
2 years ago | 17
I worked with little ones and I've had to say things like this. My favorite "we don't put our foot our friends mouth!"
2 years ago | 12
In all fairness we ALL thought the moon🌙 was chasing us growing up, so I feel like this one is completely understandable and valid
2 years ago | 44
I expected to have to tell them to take their fingers out of their own orifices, but underestimated how often I'd have to explain why we don't stick fingers in other people's orifices
2 years ago | 74
Pleasant Peasant Media
2 years ago | [YT] | 28,512