You keep saying you want a man who matches you. Emotionally intelligent. Solid. Grounded. Someone who can lead beside you, not behind you.
But the truth?
You keep picking people you have to carry. People who need your guidance. Your language. Your emotional literacy. People who are grateful for your strength, but wouldn’t know what to do with your softness if it ever showed up.
And maybe that’s on purpose.
Because as long as you’re the one holding the structure… you never have to test if they’re capable of holding you.
This isn’t about compatibility. It’s about control.
You say you’re done with dysfunction, but you still feel safest with people who can’t meet you fully. Because if they can’t meet you, you don’t have to risk being seen. And if they need you, they won’t leave.
So you play therapist. You send the self-help links. You “support” and “hold space” and “lead with love” until you’re exhausted, resentful, and privately wondering why no one ever shows up for you.
But here’s what you don’t want to admit:
If someone healthy walked into your life today, stable, ready, emotionally available, you’d panic. You’d pull back. You’d find a reason to disengage.
Because the real issue isn’t that you can’t find someone who’s solid. It’s that you don’t know what to do when you’re not the one doing all the emotional labour.
So ask yourself:
Do you actually want to be met, or do you just want to be needed? And what happens when you finally realise that carrying someone isn’t love, it’s avoidance in disguise?
Personal Growth Elevation
If you keep choosing people you have to carry…
You keep saying you want a man who matches you.
Emotionally intelligent. Solid. Grounded.
Someone who can lead beside you, not behind you.
But the truth?
You keep picking people you have to carry.
People who need your guidance. Your language. Your emotional literacy.
People who are grateful for your strength,
but wouldn’t know what to do with your softness if it ever showed up.
And maybe that’s on purpose.
Because as long as you’re the one holding the structure…
you never have to test if they’re capable of holding you.
This isn’t about compatibility.
It’s about control.
You say you’re done with dysfunction,
but you still feel safest with people who can’t meet you fully.
Because if they can’t meet you, you don’t have to risk being seen.
And if they need you, they won’t leave.
So you play therapist.
You send the self-help links.
You “support” and “hold space” and “lead with love”
until you’re exhausted, resentful, and privately wondering why no one ever shows up for you.
But here’s what you don’t want to admit:
If someone healthy walked into your life today,
stable, ready, emotionally available,
you’d panic.
You’d pull back.
You’d find a reason to disengage.
Because the real issue isn’t that you can’t find someone who’s solid.
It’s that you don’t know what to do when you’re not the one doing all the emotional labour.
So ask yourself:
Do you actually want to be met, or do you just want to be needed?
And what happens when you finally realise that carrying someone isn’t love, it’s avoidance in disguise?
3 months ago | [YT] | 0