"It was in the way of Hole 13. I kept slicing through it."
1 day ago | 5,500
"I'm thinking of pardoning Loki, he's a very good man, very smart man, he shouldn't be chained up like that, I'm also thinking of pressing charges against Thor and Odin for treason against Asgard"
1 day ago | 2,800
Onion has to go mythical to try to write news that don't become real, even then you never know
1 day ago | 5,400
i talked to jormungandr, great serpent, really one of the best snakes out there, and i know snakes, they often say how do you know so many snakes mr trump and i say well im good with them they love a guy like me, and jormungandr really said this tree has done nothing in millennia and i thought thats a great point, the tree of life never gave anything to me, thats how this project started
1 day ago | 6,000
Odin came to me, tears in his eye, and he said, "Sir, thank you for getting rid of that crappy tree. It gave me cancer in one of my eyes." True story. We love Odin don't we?
1 day ago | 910
People are always telling me, why did you destroy the World Tree? And what I tell them, I say to them, "What about the America Tree? Where is that?"
1 day ago | 977
The great Greek legend Syphilis, who had to toil eternally pushing the Epstein files up a hill
1 day ago | 200
Resorting to jokes so unhinged so people don't get worried wondering if it's actually real because we live in a dystopian era
1 day ago | 97
“I made the best deal with Odin. We cut down that stupid tree and he lets us have Sutur”.
1 day ago | 373
Now for the weather: Nidhogg the dark dragon that feeds forever on the roots of Yggdrasil has risen from the depths of Hel. Utter darkness and a rain of corpses is expected globally.
1 day ago | 73
“Failed God Thor Odinsson said some nasty things about me, nasty guy. Loki won the election and the Dems stole it.”
1 day ago | 22
Come on, Yggdrasil is barely 3000 years old, it's basically new. Plus every president before took of its branches to craft their presidential spears, it's nothing groundbreaking. What really matters is reinforcing the World Serpent to make sure the damn Mexicans don't get through the border
1 day ago | 1,200
The Onion
Trump Defends Demolition Of Yggdrasil, Ancient Tree Of Life theonion.com/trump-defends-demolition-of-yggdrasil…
2 days ago | [YT] | 59,196