i think its about time i give you guys an answer about what has been going on these past few months, since some people are confused and i wasn't too clear with my last-serious post. this will be the only and last time i'll be ever talking about this. at this time, please be wise and respectful with my self-expressions as i have learned to be more mindful with my personal boundaries.
incase ur wondering why i removed everything, mainly because some people in a group i was formerly part of started tormenting me for my personal experiences. for background, alot of my old stuff and my personal info (such as my home, family, school, etc.) have been exposed to some people behind my back for a long time now. and to those who choose to act sensitive rather be influenced by them. i felt unhappy with their lack of empathy and neglect + the actions they took. note that they've also done pretty insane things before, so seeing them use their mutual gain to twist situations in their favor was manipulating enough. not to mention, the inside jokes of my past that were being made about me and some other friends that i had were making me uncomfortable, and that shows not only they didn't see an importance of me, but also giving their unsettling willingness to harass and manipulate others just to make 'em feel shit afterwards. it was at this point that i needed to step away from others because it was becoming too apparent for me and i felt like things were getting worse as time went on.
but after some drama that happened, i tempted myself to distance away from everyone and took some time off the internet to build myself and to reflect as i didn't want things to end up getting personal between them and needed to set aside my pride because having people encourage those negative feelings will only bring me down if the unrelying purpose was to hurt me. it was genuinely harming me from the constant online pressure that gave me much stress and left me feeling depressed. over time i've been trying to develop things naturally on my own instead of giving anyone what they want cus honestly i was tired of being the punching bag of the group and people having to neglect me instead of talking things out.
it made me realize that the people hurting my feelings made me this annoying and selfish nuisance that damaged alot of relationships which lead to some people doxxing me/jokes about my past. it made me feel unsafe being around people that were blinded with their own beliefs and that i felt afraid every choice that i made would backfire. that's kinda the reason why i dont talk to a lot of people nowadays because who knows who might end up crossing boundaries. it became hard for me to trust anyone when i've been burned out by people who didn't like me. but thanks to a support of friends who were very understanding about my situation, i've been slowly trying to get back into a better mindset each day. i decided that i needed myself to be productive with my own life from here and it has allowed me to give some time to recover and unfold. i knew that having myself that personal space would help me understand things a little better.
now then, with that out of the way, what am i up to nowadays? well, after taking a mental break, i ended up deleting my previous channel due to "not so popular demand" and shifted from remixing to more orginial videos/music as a way to move on, cus it has made me feel more comfortable and authentic and it has helped my confidence by reflecting my own interests. even if i was still phasing through the same cycles, i didn't feel any pressure that made things complex just to keep up with my expectations, i simply had fun making those vids without being pressured by anyone. but in regards what the future for this channel might hold, i see it being evolved with balance and versatile.
even tho i've kinda moved on, i still try to not think of the things that the previous community had to offer and i'm sad to see that not only friend groups, but also how much the src's has fallen apart, and nowadays people are wrapping themselves proving that they're the best, and acting like they're the "bigger person" that pushes people away from doing all the things they like. but the sad truth is that people are bound to cause conflicts since it's the internet and everyone will likely spread unemployed rumors about people they influenced in the past, only for them to hide themselves off the platform like me.
and we need to learn that we're made with union and we should perserve others how we behave. this dosen't apply to those who turned out to be weird, but we should be more cautious and work on managing ourselves. not everyone has good intentions but people need to realize that its all about knowing each others limits. i may feel bad about myself for overreacting, but in the end, nobody isn't gonna be perfect to "fit in" and we can't change the past. but i still want to continue learning to forgive, and being more honest about myself, and continue what i like to make staying with my true purpose. btw, to those who are here for my previous works, i'm not coming back to those vids anytime soon as i have moved on, sorry.
my only advice to those who struggle with their own benefits, dont let anyone neglect you for your personal experiences and just don't give them what they want, "you will be honored in the presence of all the other guests." luke 14:10
to those who read all the way to the end, thanks so much for listening and understanding my situation that has been going on. i do understand you may be mad that i distanced myself off the platform over things a group was doing to me and what i despised myself doing back then, and i wasn't liking how i acted which caused to ruin alot of relationships along the way but it's still not fair to you guys for me to leave everything behind. the people that i've met and hurt along the way, and the ones that i've been closely connected, i'm sorry and i wish you best regards with luck into your future! take care of yourselves and god bless! <3 💜
maple
i think its about time i give you guys an answer about what has been going on these past few months, since some people are confused and i wasn't too clear with my last-serious post. this will be the only and last time i'll be ever talking about this. at this time, please be wise and respectful with my self-expressions as i have learned to be more mindful with my personal boundaries.
incase ur wondering why i removed everything, mainly because some people in a group i was formerly part of started tormenting me for my personal experiences. for background, alot of my old stuff and my personal info (such as my home, family, school, etc.) have been exposed to some people behind my back for a long time now. and to those who choose to act sensitive rather be influenced by them. i felt unhappy with their lack of empathy and neglect + the actions they took. note that they've also done pretty insane things before, so seeing them use their mutual gain to twist situations in their favor was manipulating enough. not to mention, the inside jokes of my past that were being made about me and some other friends that i had were making me uncomfortable, and that shows not only they didn't see an importance of me, but also giving their unsettling willingness to harass and manipulate others just to make 'em feel shit afterwards. it was at this point that i needed to step away from others because it was becoming too apparent for me and i felt like things were getting worse as time went on.
but after some drama that happened, i tempted myself to distance away from everyone and took some time off the internet to build myself and to reflect as i didn't want things to end up getting personal between them and needed to set aside my pride because having people encourage those negative feelings will only bring me down if the unrelying purpose was to hurt me. it was genuinely harming me from the constant online pressure that gave me much stress and left me feeling depressed. over time i've been trying to develop things naturally on my own instead of giving anyone what they want cus honestly i was tired of being the punching bag of the group and people having to neglect me instead of talking things out.
it made me realize that the people hurting my feelings made me this annoying and selfish nuisance that damaged alot of relationships which lead to some people doxxing me/jokes about my past. it made me feel unsafe being around people that were blinded with their own beliefs and that i felt afraid every choice that i made would backfire. that's kinda the reason why i dont talk to a lot of people nowadays because who knows who might end up crossing boundaries. it became hard for me to trust anyone when i've been burned out by people who didn't like me. but thanks to a support of friends who were very understanding about my situation, i've been slowly trying to get back into a better mindset each day. i decided that i needed myself to be productive with my own life from here and it has allowed me to give some time to recover and unfold. i knew that having myself that personal space would help me understand things a little better.
now then, with that out of the way, what am i up to nowadays? well, after taking a mental break, i ended up deleting my previous channel due to "not so popular demand" and shifted from remixing to more orginial videos/music as a way to move on, cus it has made me feel more comfortable and authentic and it has helped my confidence by reflecting my own interests. even if i was still phasing through the same cycles, i didn't feel any pressure that made things complex just to keep up with my expectations, i simply had fun making those vids without being pressured by anyone. but in regards what the future for this channel might hold, i see it being evolved with balance and versatile.
even tho i've kinda moved on, i still try to not think of the things that the previous community had to offer and i'm sad to see that not only friend groups, but also how much the src's has fallen apart, and nowadays people are wrapping themselves proving that they're the best, and acting like they're the "bigger person" that pushes people away from doing all the things they like. but the sad truth is that people are bound to cause conflicts since it's the internet and everyone will likely spread unemployed rumors about people they influenced in the past, only for them to hide themselves off the platform like me.
and we need to learn that we're made with union and we should perserve others how we behave. this dosen't apply to those who turned out to be weird, but we should be more cautious and work on managing ourselves. not everyone has good intentions but people need to realize that its all about knowing each others limits. i may feel bad about myself for overreacting, but in the end, nobody isn't gonna be perfect to "fit in" and we can't change the past. but i still want to continue learning to forgive, and being more honest about myself, and continue what i like to make staying with my true purpose. btw, to those who are here for my previous works, i'm not coming back to those vids anytime soon as i have moved on, sorry.
my only advice to those who struggle with their own benefits, dont let anyone neglect you for your personal experiences and just don't give them what they want, "you will be honored in the presence of all the other guests." luke 14:10
to those who read all the way to the end, thanks so much for listening and understanding my situation that has been going on. i do understand you may be mad that i distanced myself off the platform over things a group was doing to me and what i despised myself doing back then, and i wasn't liking how i acted which caused to ruin alot of relationships along the way but it's still not fair to you guys for me to leave everything behind. the people that i've met and hurt along the way, and the ones that i've been closely connected, i'm sorry and i wish you best regards with luck into your future! take care of yourselves and god bless! <3 💜
- maple
2 months ago (edited) | [YT] | 20