Also invalidating one's feelings via rationalization. I got really good at that through a ton of therapy that focused only on "these are the wrong/bad feelings, here is how to fix them/make them go away".
1 week ago | 370
isn't that just self control, though? how do we know if its self control or self judgement? where is the line?
1 week ago | 272
For me, it's the immediate thought(belief that I can't havw what I want. This deadens my desire for things in general. I'm sure it's my own misguided attempt to protect myself. It's hard to figure out how to overcome it.
1 week ago | 48
Wow.... I've never seen this thought under that Light ..... thank you for the insight - that's an eye opener
1 week ago
| 106
Dr K is essentially saying here that If you say you don’t need something you want out of a sense of unworthiness, because you don’t think you deserve it, you’re judging youself. So the solution then would be to foster a sense of worth that allows us to reach for what we truly desire.
1 week ago | 7
I wouldn't say that's entirely true. Want vs Need are two different things and, if talking about a purchase, could be a good way of prioritizing and sticking to a budget, saving money. I don't have full context, but want/need are often used for purchases, so I'll go with that. I want to get my PC fixed after an electrical storm killed it along with the breaker box in my house, but I needed to get the breakers replaced first. Okay that's done, now I want to get my PC fixed. Well, I need my mower fixed first to get the lawn cut. That's not always a form of self-judgement nor always a bad thing to do. Prioritization is necessary to not live outside of your means, and feels more satisfying to get the things you 'want' when the things you 'need' are done first.
1 week ago | 6
That’s an amazing advise. I just had a chat with my autistic son who’s struggling because someone at school called him so. I told him , yes you have a different way of thinking from other kids. How does that make you feel. He said “angry”. I told him that it’s ok to feel upset about it, and he should be. But recognise that that other person is insecure in his feelings and that’s on himself, it has nothing to do with my son.
1 week ago | 16
When you want something you know you can't have, it can be helpful to remind yourself that you don't really need it in order to live a decent life. The only alternative I see is crying yourself to sleep every night thinking about that unachievable desire, and that sounds much worse, so...
1 week ago | 1
I literally grew up having this shoved down my throat: “You want it but you don’t need it.” To the point where now as an adult I always ensure when I buy myself something I want, that it’s also “practical” (need driven)- and find it hard to relate to my peers who have an easier time buying things like plushies, for example, as there is no practical value to them other than a dopamine hit or some kind of emotional connection??
1 week ago | 0
I have an i dont need it mindset but i also know if i 'allow myself something nice' as the people say in the end ill just be pissed off that i own it because i really Didnt need it Though everything depends so that doesnt really mean anything
1 week ago | 3
Is that necessarily a self judgement? It could be your brain weighing pros and cons. In other words, what if it’s just judging the purchase?
1 week ago | 4
This mentality is how I saved a shit ton of money in my early 20s. If y'all feel this way, keep feeling this way till you're rich lol
1 week ago | 0
Yes, but isn't it helpful to have second thoughts about impulsive desires?
1 week ago | 54
But…there’s a lot of things you want that you don’t need. Actually not knowing or exercising or accepting the difference is one of the big thing’s wrong in the modern world
1 week ago | 0
Once "lowkey" stops coming out of our mouths, people can be helped.
1 week ago | 2
These are largely the foundation of self discipline however and I find it easier to think rationally after I'm not immediately going for everything I want immediately so how would you discern between that and not caring about one's self altogether
1 week ago | 5
HealthyGamerGG
Do you ever find yourself trivializing your desires?
Maybe you’re yearning for the love and affection you get from being in a relationship. Maybe it’s more money. More friends. More likes on social media.
We often talk harshly to ourselves. Judging, berating, calling ourselves names.
If we trivialize our desires, we suppress who we really are…and that will only come out in unhealthy ways down the road.
When a friend comes to us with a problem or a confession, do we talk to them this way?
If you’re a good friend, you’ll try to be supportive and kind. Talk to yourself like you would to a friend. After all, our desires make us human.
For example, if you have the desire to cheat on your partner, it doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person. It’s how you act that determines your character.
Get to the bottom of it. If you want to cheat, you need to examine where that desire is coming from and communicate with your partner about it so you can work things out.
Whether we realize it or not, we’re all on a journey of self-discovery. There are lots of ups and downs. If you want a tool that can guide along your mental healthy journey, check out Dr. K’s Guide to Mental Health, which includes modules on Trauma, ADHD, Meditation, Anxiety, and Depression:
bit.ly/3XZp9yG 💚
Thanks so much @JasonTheWeenie for the great chat!
📺 Full vid: youtube.com/live/Q8VM8m2V-Co?si=ReQ019ceJfN0LXk0
1 week ago (edited) | [YT] | 8,299