The Onion

Holiday Cooking For One theonion.com/holiday-cooking-for-one/

3 days ago | [YT] | 10,516



@jordanloux3883

Step 1: Watch CNN and Fox for days on end so you can have loud, angry political arguments with yourself.

3 days ago | 2,100

@00allisonV00

A holiday meal for one?? In this economy?!!

3 days ago | 225

@moodimoss406

all food is holiday food when you arent a coward.

3 days ago | 584

@sunhead2573

Three of us actually. I, me and myself

3 days ago | 892

@mr.goldenproductions_0143

Damn, didn’t know the Onion was firing shots like that

3 days ago | 317

@Barklord

I always have the same meal. Potatoes with butter, grated parmesan, and hot sauce. Then, I rinse my oesophagus with a pint of tap water and call it a night. That's when I haunt the world as a phantom, taunting the wealthy with visions of Thanksgiving Past, Present, and Future.

3 days ago | 397

@RippinTrout

This is inaccurate, I don’t see the overflowing ash tray, the half drank liter of bottom shelf gin, or even the scattered mound of Nerds Gummy Clusters lightly moistened by the tears of a 32yr old man, sobbing through that scene from Air Bud where the kid tries to abandon him on that island so that piece of shit clown guy couldn’t harness his basketball skills for nefarious purposes

3 days ago | 85

@ryanh3176

Here’s to all my lonely YouTube comment friends this year!! 🥂

3 days ago | 106

@plagueCLUTCH

The best detail is that the beer is half empty and foamy as if it was chugged before any thing else was touched

3 days ago | 31

@_zoid

You think I can afford to cook a meal for one?

3 days ago | 54

@user-jc6bj4uo6h

Alone but not lonely gang assemble ✌🏾

3 days ago | 19

@jasonolszanicky4035

Perfect for the recluse that hates people.

3 days ago | 89

@dacrabmanthatnobodyaskedfo4071

I'm on on step 7 and i accidentally cut 648 potatoes, do i restart or do i just continue as is?

3 days ago | 117

@Groupedup-ne2kk

The one post I was hoping wasn't from The Onion

3 days ago | 15

@richardrobbins387

That seems elaborate. Two words... Turkey Chilli

3 days ago | 13

@Jakey4000

Oof I actually need this this year, cut off toxic family y'all

3 days ago | 12

@renatocorvaro6924

Gods I wish. Instead I have to provide for my family. Ugh.

1 day ago | 2

@phlogistonstudio8261

I think this recipe could only be enhanced by few short burst of manic rage, sadness, and self righteous indignation.

3 days ago (edited) | 11

@GayGoss-z9e

Favorite foods. Take a nap. No fighting over the remote. Sounds perfect

3 days ago | 3

@77thTrombone

As long as the cookbook has peanut butter sandwiches, I'm covered!

3 days ago | 2