If there aren't any reprisals, I'm happy to move on from this. If there are, as I previously stated, I will be deferring any counter-action to the relevant authorities and keeping my hands clean. I do not believe it is acceptable for anyone, whether in a joking manner or not, to say "someone's gonna die... probably you" with the informed implication that the person they're talking about is you.
That is something I want to be firm on. Given our history, that's how I perceived it. That is why I was so angry. There is pretty much no-one else on YouTube who regularly talks about Top Gear with the following I have. It's easy to jump to the same conclusion I did if you were in my place, especially if you're not in the right frame of mind.
Regardless if whether or not Porter did talk about me personally, it made me realise something when he used the word "fronted".
And I would like to say a few things about that.
I am not, nor have I ever been, in the economic position to hire an editor or anyone else who might be working on my behalf. I simply could not afford it. All you see is me.
Everything you see in my videos, from the first draft to the finished product, is entirely my doing. I write the script based on hundreds of sources. I buy any DVDs I require out of my own earnings. I locate and pre-render each of the clips. I apply all of the effects and transitions. I master the audio levels. I select the soundtrack. I render the final video. I engineer the thumbnail in an ancient copy of Photoshop. The computer I use is mine, built and paid for with my own money. I render at 1440p even though my monitor is only 1080p. The nicest thing I own in life is a Galaxy S22 I used for the face camera in my last video, and that's only because it was bought for me from a store who were offering an unusually generous trade-in policy. I'd have never bought something that expensive for myself. It's not in me to do that.
YouTube needs people like me more than ever. Those who come from nothing, who want to make something of themselves, as opposed to a sea of disinterested middle-class hobbyist podcasters who harbour minimal passion for what they talk about. Again, I am not accusing Fowler of being such a creator. But YouTube is filled to the brim with people who match my description, and I am sick of it.
Mostly, I am sick of the fact that all the friends I had at the beginning of this project, Razor440 (who helped edit my original project), A.G., Justin, Cracc, Nik, Killian and Savidge (who I believe might have even subscribed to my Patreon earlier in the year) are people I'm no longer in touch with. They helped me out a lot during my toughest days and I wish there was a way to get them back with the extremely limited social life I now have.
For my whole life, I was constantly written off as someone who would achieve nothing. I spent 24 years of my life thinking they were right. Then that first Top Gear documentary picked up steam. Tavarish promoted it. Suddenly I was a big deal. But then my growth stunted. More and more people turned against me. My mental state worsened. And when I got unceremoniously chewed up and spat out by Porter in September 2023, that was it for me.
Nonetheless, I remain proud that I am able to garner more views for my videos than a team of amateurs or pros can with several hundred dollars in the swanny with each video they make, and with zero promotion or sponsorship to boot. I am extremely proud of all 50,000 of you who shared and continue to share my creative vision. I love all of you, even if you don't love me anymore.
Gearknob Official
Edited this one to better clarify a few things.
If there aren't any reprisals, I'm happy to move on from this. If there are, as I previously stated, I will be deferring any counter-action to the relevant authorities and keeping my hands clean. I do not believe it is acceptable for anyone, whether in a joking manner or not, to say "someone's gonna die... probably you" with the informed implication that the person they're talking about is you.
That is something I want to be firm on. Given our history, that's how I perceived it. That is why I was so angry. There is pretty much no-one else on YouTube who regularly talks about Top Gear with the following I have. It's easy to jump to the same conclusion I did if you were in my place, especially if you're not in the right frame of mind.
Regardless if whether or not Porter did talk about me personally, it made me realise something when he used the word "fronted".
And I would like to say a few things about that.
I am not, nor have I ever been, in the economic position to hire an editor or anyone else who might be working on my behalf. I simply could not afford it. All you see is me.
Everything you see in my videos, from the first draft to the finished product, is entirely my doing. I write the script based on hundreds of sources. I buy any DVDs I require out of my own earnings. I locate and pre-render each of the clips. I apply all of the effects and transitions. I master the audio levels. I select the soundtrack. I render the final video. I engineer the thumbnail in an ancient copy of Photoshop. The computer I use is mine, built and paid for with my own money. I render at 1440p even though my monitor is only 1080p. The nicest thing I own in life is a Galaxy S22 I used for the face camera in my last video, and that's only because it was bought for me from a store who were offering an unusually generous trade-in policy. I'd have never bought something that expensive for myself. It's not in me to do that.
YouTube needs people like me more than ever. Those who come from nothing, who want to make something of themselves, as opposed to a sea of disinterested middle-class hobbyist podcasters who harbour minimal passion for what they talk about. Again, I am not accusing Fowler of being such a creator. But YouTube is filled to the brim with people who match my description, and I am sick of it.
Mostly, I am sick of the fact that all the friends I had at the beginning of this project, Razor440 (who helped edit my original project), A.G., Justin, Cracc, Nik, Killian and Savidge (who I believe might have even subscribed to my Patreon earlier in the year) are people I'm no longer in touch with. They helped me out a lot during my toughest days and I wish there was a way to get them back with the extremely limited social life I now have.
For my whole life, I was constantly written off as someone who would achieve nothing. I spent 24 years of my life thinking they were right. Then that first Top Gear documentary picked up steam. Tavarish promoted it. Suddenly I was a big deal. But then my growth stunted. More and more people turned against me. My mental state worsened. And when I got unceremoniously chewed up and spat out by Porter in September 2023, that was it for me.
Nonetheless, I remain proud that I am able to garner more views for my videos than a team of amateurs or pros can with several hundred dollars in the swanny with each video they make, and with zero promotion or sponsorship to boot. I am extremely proud of all 50,000 of you who shared and continue to share my creative vision. I love all of you, even if you don't love me anymore.
4 months ago (edited) | [YT] | 104