I'll level with you all on some things that's been on my mind. First, regarding the hiatus. I'm technically still on it as I'm uploading old videos that's been collecting dust and anything new I record. For example, Jay is end-game but I went ahead and uploaded Arc 1. Right now I'm uploading when I find the energy and time to do so but if there are gaps between uploads you understand why. Apologies for the grammar, it's going on 3 am and I'm just going to type. I may cover this in a video soon.
The hiatus is more about me getting things in order, but I am still present and available to answer questions as I can or continue being around for folks who need me.
Some of you may remember the few health issues and at one point "crisis" that happened earlier in the year. Back in March I had an episode randomly that got bad and I thought I was on my way out. Figured I was having a heart attack and accepted my fate. Come to find out, what I thought were some underlying heart issues or so was stress whooping my ass. I didn't realize how much I was bottling up and my primary doc leveled with me and said I needed to decompress.
I was working a good job that turned very stressful due to the whole meme dog nonsense. You know the usual logic of finding a new job before bouncing from your current eventually did not work out. I threw a hail mary and bounced with some savings. I had to get up out of there with a quickness.
About two weeks prior to leaving I had a death in the family trailing right after another. Essentially back to back. I hate funerals but it was a hell of a wake-up call seeing I was or am one of the last young men on my mother's side. Everyone else is old or gone at this point. Something about that revelation has bothered me though I can't quite figure out why it bothers me.
Fortunately, I was able to find a new gig quickly since I did most of the stressful job hunting and interviewing over the months leading up to me quitting.
One of my best friends is completely awol. It's been a year since I last heard from them and I think trying to suppress my concern, worry, frustration, and all of it took or is taking a toll. I won't put their business out there but I often lay awake at night wondering if or how I failed them. Though I know it's all in my head, those thoughts are hard to stave off. They were and are going through hell and it's tearing me up knowing I can't do much for them since they're completely off the grid. It has me all f'd up honestly.
You grow older and gain all this conventional wisdom and emotional maturity and it often feels like a weight I don't feel I can hold at times. Yet, you can't really go backwards either. Back in the day I could lash out like a fool and think I'm good. Today, all I can do is sit and understand how or why people do the things they do. It's impossible to smudge the lens when you have clarity and I didn't realize how heavy it can all be. Yet, that's the process and I can't go back and move like I used to. I don't even want to.
What's this have to do with the channel or Tales? I kept pushing and recording throughout all of this nonetheless. It often bugs me that Tales isn't "popping" in a way I feel it should and I really want to see this series do well. Sometimes I think of pulling the trigger on doing the content I know would probably put me in reaches to try to get some change going. Or it's all delusion but I've found out through all my of failures what didn't work. I don't think I'll stop anytime soon with showing appreciation for the series. Kind of all it feels like. I'm burnt out honestly, but I keep going. I think back when I wanted to be the best, try to make some pocket change, maybe get on with BN, and so on and none of it matters. I just love the series brehs.
All in the all I rarely if ever talk about myself this deeply. Felt I needed to get it out since I've feel all jacked up for the last year and a half. I thought I was good until I wasn't so take care of yourselves and really check in with yourself as often as you can. As usual, I appreciate your time.
Rin Kiri
August 16th, 2025
I'll level with you all on some things that's been on my mind. First, regarding the hiatus. I'm technically still on it as I'm uploading old videos that's been collecting dust and anything new I record. For example, Jay is end-game but I went ahead and uploaded Arc 1. Right now I'm uploading when I find the energy and time to do so but if there are gaps between uploads you understand why. Apologies for the grammar, it's going on 3 am and I'm just going to type. I may cover this in a video soon.
The hiatus is more about me getting things in order, but I am still present and available to answer questions as I can or continue being around for folks who need me.
Some of you may remember the few health issues and at one point "crisis" that happened earlier in the year. Back in March I had an episode randomly that got bad and I thought I was on my way out. Figured I was having a heart attack and accepted my fate. Come to find out, what I thought were some underlying heart issues or so was stress whooping my ass. I didn't realize how much I was bottling up and my primary doc leveled with me and said I needed to decompress.
I was working a good job that turned very stressful due to the whole meme dog nonsense. You know the usual logic of finding a new job before bouncing from your current eventually did not work out. I threw a hail mary and bounced with some savings. I had to get up out of there with a quickness.
About two weeks prior to leaving I had a death in the family trailing right after another. Essentially back to back. I hate funerals but it was a hell of a wake-up call seeing I was or am one of the last young men on my mother's side. Everyone else is old or gone at this point. Something about that revelation has bothered me though I can't quite figure out why it bothers me.
Fortunately, I was able to find a new gig quickly since I did most of the stressful job hunting and interviewing over the months leading up to me quitting.
One of my best friends is completely awol. It's been a year since I last heard from them and I think trying to suppress my concern, worry, frustration, and all of it took or is taking a toll. I won't put their business out there but I often lay awake at night wondering if or how I failed them. Though I know it's all in my head, those thoughts are hard to stave off. They were and are going through hell and it's tearing me up knowing I can't do much for them since they're completely off the grid. It has me all f'd up honestly.
You grow older and gain all this conventional wisdom and emotional maturity and it often feels like a weight I don't feel I can hold at times. Yet, you can't really go backwards either. Back in the day I could lash out like a fool and think I'm good. Today, all I can do is sit and understand how or why people do the things they do. It's impossible to smudge the lens when you have clarity and I didn't realize how heavy it can all be. Yet, that's the process and I can't go back and move like I used to. I don't even want to.
What's this have to do with the channel or Tales? I kept pushing and recording throughout all of this nonetheless. It often bugs me that Tales isn't "popping" in a way I feel it should and I really want to see this series do well. Sometimes I think of pulling the trigger on doing the content I know would probably put me in reaches to try to get some change going. Or it's all delusion but I've found out through all my of failures what didn't work. I don't think I'll stop anytime soon with showing appreciation for the series. Kind of all it feels like. I'm burnt out honestly, but I keep going. I think back when I wanted to be the best, try to make some pocket change, maybe get on with BN, and so on and none of it matters. I just love the series brehs.
All in the all I rarely if ever talk about myself this deeply. Felt I needed to get it out since I've feel all jacked up for the last year and a half. I thought I was good until I wasn't so take care of yourselves and really check in with yourself as often as you can. As usual, I appreciate your time.
3 months ago | [YT] | 83