Then I got some comments that were making allegations about my beliefs and what I said or did with the video that are false or at least need to be addressed, so I will do that now: 1) Trying to profit off of another victim's story is gross and wrong! : I agree. The video was demonetized. I chose to demonetize it when I uploaded it. YouTube will still play ads on "demonetized" videos, regardless of my own ad settings. I believe creators do get some back from YouTube premium subscriber views on demonetized videos, but that is all. The economy on YouTube's backend is a little hard to explain to people who are not creators, but demonetized videos are not money-making opportunities. Though because I make content for a living I am sure some people will see any video I make, regardless of monetization status, as "trying to make a profit". I understand why someone would come to that conclusion. 2) Not asking permission before making a video like this is wrong : see above apology 3) You didn't immediately delete the video as soon as she asked! : I don't know how anyone would know this is the case or not? The creator and I were in touch privately during the evening. I don't want to talk about the specifics of those conversations, but right as I was finishing up a message offering to do something else to rectify the situation, I got another message asking to remove the video. AFAIK, up to that point, the creator had yet to ask me to remove it. I said I would do so immediately, and I kept them updated during the process. I did it as fast as I could, making it a "members only" video for a few minutes as a holdover. I had trouble removing the original video as fast as I wished because someone had made a Shorts clip, and YouTube kept popping up and saying I had to remove clip privileges first. I had to figure out how to do that since I didn't even know I had clipping enabled or where the setting was. I had to spend a bit of time reading Google Help pages to figure it out. I took the video the second it was possible for me to do so, no hesitation. 4) You doubted a victim's story! : This is absolutely false. Part of my comment moderation was to respond to people who implied that anything was exaggerated, or probably a lie, or sounded like a fake story. I repeatedly said that I have no reason to doubt anything that was recounted and reminded people of that stance. If I use language like "seems to" or "appears to" at any point in replies, it is because I cannot make definite statements about situations I did not experience firsthand. I am merely trying to interpret a situation as best I can which may not reflect reality 100%. That language is meant to cast doubt on my interpretations, not the story itself. 5) You said that she was sensationalizing her stories! : As best I can tell, I think this is in reference to the part of the video where I discussed how society is blind to mundane (as in: common, unremarkable) stories of abuse but pays attention to more 'wild' headlines. Per my script, this is what I said verbatim: "We have a bias towards salacious stories — this is part of the reason why true crime does so well on social media. So it doesn’t surprise me at all that a story like, “my mom was in a 24/7 BDSM relationship and I knew about it” gets way more attention than “my mom parentified me and was emotionally enmeshed with me”. The former makes you go, “wait, what?!” while the latter is sadly mundane. I think we forget sometimes just how ubiquitous not only IPV and DV are, but how common the mistreatment of children is too. Every year there are so many stories about this or that influencer or celebrity or streamer who hurt children or hurt their partner. And rarely does anyone say “streaming breeds abuse” or something like that. I think sometimes it might make us feel comfortable to believe, 'Oh, this happened because they’re part of THAT freakshow'." THIS IS NOT to insinuate at ALL that the original creator made something up to get attention. It is a critique of the *attention economy itself* and how people naturally pay more attention to stories about groups that seem different from them and which confirm their underlying biases. It is a tragedy that people are so often not listened to or believed unless a story is salacious or it benefits their existing bias against a group of people. (continued in comments)
10 months ago | 116
6) You called her a bully! : Again, as best I can tell, a reference to the ending of the video where I said (verbatim per my script): "The original TikTok that launched this whole ordeal referenced “hate videos” about eternity collars. As the creator of that TikTok would tell it, she was simply agreeing that her mother also looked like the “kind of person” who would wear an eternity collar and that was it. Perfectly innocent. But from the jump, I always sensed that there was an additional layer of disgust going on here that was being swept under the rug. After all, these are HATE videos we are talking about here which has a very specific connotation." I then go on to explain what I found while trying to dive into the origin of these "hate videos" and what they were saying. This section of the script is long, so I am summarizing it. As best as I could find, it started with petty internet bullying towards a young LGBT+ person for looking 'too weird' because they wore a collar, and everything else stemmed from that. Including further bullying of other creators and random people who wear collars, of which I have dozens and dozens of examples in comments, responses, and video form. I was having trouble rectifying how something could just be about how someone's mom would "look like they wear a collar" when the specific original comment also said "*everything everyone is saying* [in the hate videos] is true." Whether or not this was intentional, this sounds like a tacit endorsement of the queerphobic bullying that was taking place at the time in those very 'hate videos'. We live in an era where we have seen an extreme rise in targeted hatred towards queer and trans youth, often using kink to demonize young people for their self-expression. I have seen a massive trend in other young queer people self-policing each other to the point of endorsing bullying tactics, which I have called out on my channel many times previously. This does not mean I believe, nor was I saying, that this *specific creator was being A bully* but rather that the original "the hate videos are all correct" comment seemed to agree with other behavior that did constitute harassment and bullying, whether or not it was intentional, which was troubling. Finally I said (again verbatim per my script): "But yep, that is what all of this came down to. Bullying a young queer person on TikTok because they wanted to make a video showing how they take their collar on and off after being asked about it [...] And trying to pretend like this didn’t all come out of making fun of a young person sharing their life on the internet just leaves a really, really bad taste in my mouth. Like at the very least we should be aware of the downstream effects of saying stuff like, “yep, all the hate comments are right!” when the hate comments are saying “everyone who wears a collar looks like a gay freak”." The "this" I am referring to in the "this is what all of this came down to" was the original starting point of the "hate videos". I believe it is factually correct (unless videos have been deleted that I don't know about) that the origin point was people dogpiling on a young LGBT person for showing a collar in a video. Those hate videos are the ones perpetuating the bullying, which I believe is clear from the context of the preceding 10 minutes. I am absolutely NOT saying the creator themself was a bully! Only that the original content that inspired the viral video started from a place of bullying and that was a sad and concerning revelation. Situations like this are very complicated, and I tried to make that very clear. Life is not black and white. It can be true that a story is horrible and awful and needs to be talked about; it can come from a place of legitimate pain. It can also be true that while sharing said story, we can make communication errors and inadvertently endorse other harmful ideas. I also do not think it is wrong to suggest that we should be mindful, given the current political climate, of how we speak publicly about issues involving marginalized groups. If anything the response I got to this proves that hatred against queer, trans, and kinky folks is stronger than ever and people will latch on to ANYTHING to prove XYZ group they don't like is bad. Not that the hatred for each is equivalent, but that one is often used to tarnish the other, as I have discussed in other videos. THAT is why I said "That’s yet another reason why this whole situation has been so difficult for me to talk about, because it came out of nothing more than shallow mockery." -- because I know that shallow mockery can easily be twisted and turned into something much, much worse. Or it can catch the attention of folks like LibsofTikTok, who love the "see even other queers think this person is a freak!" angle. It is difficult to talk about because it is so hard to properly balance (to everyone's agreement) recognizing that the kink community did something awful, but the reason this came out was that people were mocking a young queer person who did nothing wrong other than be visible online and this as well caused harm and is in fact part of a long-running pattern of harm online. I could have absolutely been more clear that I did not think the creator themself was being a bully. It seemed obvious to me while writing what my beliefs were but that did not come across to everyone as I intended. I do not fault the original creator or anyone who saw the video for having the opinions I addressed above. This quickly became an emotionally heated situation, and naturally that leads people to interpretations I may not have anticipated. People will have their own feelings and opinions about what I said and how I said it, though I know I worked very hard to be as clear about what I meant as I could be. I know 95% of you who watched the video thought I landed on the right side of nuance and tried my best to be professional. Finally, I want to make a note about comments like "but don't harass anyone" or "I don't hate everyone who is kinky, don't send anyone hate". I failed to mention in the video that the creator was careful to say things along this many times in their videos. While that is very nice to do, in my nearly 10 years on the internet, I have never meaningfully seen that work to stop harassment. If anything, it encourages trolls to harass people more or puts the idea in someone's head. Unfortunately the actions after this came out have proven to me that it really does nothing most of the time. I think it is entirely possible to feel disgust towards something and still not want a person or group to be harassed. They don't cancel each other out. I think I have addressed everything that needs to be addressed. I will remind everyone to be mindful of what they say, and to not go on the attack or be defensive. Being that in either direction is rarely helpful and is never productive. What I will emphasize instead is asking everyone, if you happened to record/download/clip the video, please delete it. This is a privacy issue for the original creator, and I do not want copies floating around. If you reupload the video in full or in part, this is your warning that I will file a copyright claim to remove it. I will start by leaving the comments open so people can ask questions and leave their thoughts. If I see further harm being done in the comments I will lock the comment section. :)
10 months ago | 127
What a mess. I appreciate you doing your due dilligence. Take care.
10 months ago | 53
Sad to hear considering that video I happened to click on was how I found this channel and I feel like, having been binging your videos (although I'm not even through the last 12 months yet), you are very respectful of the feelings of those you disagree with.
10 months ago | 19
It sounds to me like you did the best you could to be fair to everyone involved who acted in good faith. That's all that we, as humans who are full of flaws, can do. Thank you for clarifying since I hadn't gotten a chance to see the video, only see your comments about taking it down. It sounds like the situation is nuanced, and there's always going to be people on each side of a situation that will try to remove that nuance to push an agenda. Always has been that way throughout history. Thank you Evie for being one of those rare people who wants to bring details to light and discuss them rationally. The world would be a better place if listening and empathy were the norm. We can agree to disagree sometimes without making generalizations and pushing a narrative. Well, it's possible anyway, not that it's common. And for anyone who needs it, no matter your perspective, here's a virtual hug. If you don't need it or want it, I'll pass it on to the next person, no hard feelings. 🤗
10 months ago | 28
Sending hugs Evie, it sucks that the video got picked up by the wrong side of the YouTube algorithm. I also want to say I really appreciate your honesty around this situation and it seems to me like you really are going to try to do better in the future in regards to reaching out to the creator before making a video on the topic. Hoping that this community post doesn't end up pulling the same crowd as the video. Sending you good vibes just in case and looking forward to watching more of your videos in the future!
10 months ago | 21
You are so considerate and careful in how you manage sensitive topics. I am glad that you worked things out with the original TikToker! The only thing that will forever bug me is that you gone super nuanced and careful reactions and are probably the most capable person to respond to this situation. The original person must know that other less scrupulous content creators can and will react to their video and that is part of putting one’s business or there. But it is a messy world and I have a feeling that the public has been AH to both you and the original person. :( But I am grateful for your care for the community and for someone who seems to have gone through it. Stay safe and take care of yourself!!! Your words and voice are so important right now!! Your own mental and physical health even more so.
10 months ago | 9
It’s too bad the mob piled on. It was a very nuanced, fair, and thoughtful video about an important topic.
10 months ago | 6
I appreciate you being so transparent about this whole mess and I’m sorry you got so much bullshit from folks.
10 months ago | 9
In my opinion you don't have to explain to the audience as much as you have. As long as you are okay with the original poster then it shouldn't matter anymore. This just shows what an honest creator you are and everyone should be like you.
10 months ago | 6
I wouldn't play respectability politics with someone fostering (festering?) very hateful comment sections against kink folks. It may have been nice to get permission but it's also just a newsworthy story that these types of attitudes are on the rise and not under control.
10 months ago | 8
I saw the video, and I think you handled the sensitive topics very well, and also treated the other content maker with respect. Your criticism, in my eyes and ears, was in no way directed at her, but at broader problems. You even, rightfully, criticized some parts of the scene, which just ignore stories about abuse, and took it on yourself to make it better. And this is the outcome, oh well. I would also argue, that you couldn't really know any better. If she really called on to the bdsm community to speak on the matter, I wouldn't have expected that she wishes to be contacted on the matter beforehand. It's not like we have an international council of kinksters with a press office, who could draft a formal statement. On second thoght, you might actually be the closest to that!
10 months ago | 6
Evie Lupine
Okay, everyone. We are going to talk about this once, and only once. I will say my peace, and then we will not be talking about this further.
I want to address what happened with the video from the other day in detail because I am seeing many people spread what seems like lies, and I want to clarify what I actually said; since the video is gone, I can't point to that. I also want to apologize where one is due.
Context:
If you did not see it, my video from the other day was about a viral TikTok series about a mom who wore a 24/7 BDSM collar, the first of which showed text on the screen stating, "Watching all of the hate videos on eternity collars knowing my mother has been wearing one for years and everything everyone is saying is true". In follow-up TikToks, further abuse perpetuated by this mother and her partner was outlined. The creator of this series of videos called on the BDSM community to speak about this issue and to bring awareness to it. I was asked repeatedly for my take on what happened by members of my community, so I made a video about it. I was disgusted by the abuse and the previous responses that had been made and wanted to speak on it. I also tried to investigate the context around the original viral video and what the "hate videos" it referenced were saying because the term "hate video" seemed troubling to me.
FIRSTLY: I want to apologize for not reaching out to this creator beforehand to let them know I was making a video. I messed up and created a lot of pain and discomfort by not doing that. I follow a general rule of thumb: if I speak on an issue involving a non-creator who goes one-off viral, I will let them know I am making a video and ask if I can cover the story. I did this with my recent "viral bruise story" video. If I am speaking about an issue involving someone who is a content creator and/or asking for people to talk about a story, I do not typically reach out. Especially when the story has gotten way, way more attention than I would get from my platform. I believe this is in line with industry standards on YouTube. The original viral video had 13,000,000 views and several follow-ups had view counts in the millions and hundreds of thousands as well. You may or may not agree that this is a good heuristic to follow, and I plan to reconsider it in the future.
More importantly, this is an apology that ONLY the original creator can reject or accept. I have already apologized in private, and that is what really matters. However, I want it to be transparent to my audience and others who see this that I believe I made a mistake in not reaching out ahead of time. It is not up to anyone else to determine whether or not I am 'forgiven' (though I do not ask for forgiveness), or whether or not what I did was wrong or hurtful.
The day the video was released I was shocked by the amount of attention it got. I woke up at 6 am to hundreds of comments, most of which were either supportive or critical (but in a productive way). Unfortunately, with the nature of social media, it also attracted a lot of what I will call kink-critical types, especially after I posted the link to the video on Twitter. I worked very hard the whole day from 6 am to 5 pm to try and keep the comment section in check. I had an endless stream of comments like, "These freaks should be sterilized," "Kinky freaks shouldn't be allowed around children," "What did you expect, all 'Doms' are just abusers," or "Kink is just an excuse, for men to beat women sexually." More of the same comments I talked about happening on TikTok, and even worse that got captured by the YouTube filter. Plus, many personal attacks about my voice and appearance that only existed to attempt to hurt my feelings. This mostly came from no-name accounts with names like "user_09242fsfl1f203". I am a tough girl, and those things don't bother me, but I don't want to have a comment section that devolves into attacking fellow commentators and trying to bait others to upset them. Eventually, I couldn't keep up with them. So that was already going on. I used this as the original reason I removed the video because the other creator wanted privacy, and I did not want anything that could even seemingly point back to them and encourage bad actors to dig around. Even if they had not asked me to remove the content, I was already considering doing so based on this harassment.
(continued in comments)
10 months ago (edited) | [YT] | 361