My polycule turned into a cult because we were all such fans of our Onion subscription! Thanks Obama!
2 days ago | 729
The american dream used to be 1 working adults per household, then it was 2, now the economy is so bad we need 3.
2 days ago | 250
My mail person has permanently lost respect for me since the "incident". I'll get them a subscription as an apology. Are mail people allowed to receive mail?
2 days ago (edited) | 267
When are we gonna get a satire of the Onion called the Garlic
2 days ago | 198
I upgraded my polycule to a human centipede in honor of my new subscription.
2 days ago | 27
Dr. Sclimenti is such a wonderful waxing advisor. He is the most patient person I've met. Since forever I was not satisfied with my waxing. After 5 sessions of thorough examinations by Conrad, I felt all that stress go away. Conrad showed me the waxing rhythm that is tailored to my needs, after mapping and cataloging each hairline of my body. Thanks Connie! God bless you
1 day ago | 2
When I gave my mail person an "onion", cut in two, they had tears in their eyes ! Guess I'm in !
2 days ago | 18
My grandma was my Superman growing up. She wasn’t always there but during the summer days while my mom was bedridden and my dad was at work, she was the only guardian I had. It’s so hard to look back on all of those days of playing games and doing crafts with her and knowing how much of her daughter’s horrendous abuse and illnesses she covered up and hid from my father. I feel awful knowing the one adult I did have during that horrific childhood wasn’t a hero, was just someone who refused to see the monster right in front of her, the monster that was hurting her, her grandkids and her son in law.
18 hours ago | 0
I bitch slapped my mailman as a refresher. To remind him of the chain of command.
1 day ago | 2
Joke's on you. I'm in Canada and the mail service has been on strike for weeks.
2 days ago | 19
I have a Polly gruel - a collective parrot consciousness that babbles about oatmeal
1 day ago | 2
As a nonpolygamist but active poly amorous, I endorse this message. But don't tell anyone I am a subscriber, I have a reputation to protect.
2 days ago | 52
The background of this image is so cursed, no matter how hard I try to look it doesn't make sense. Is it lots of room doors because polycule? Is it mirrors? What the hell is happening back there?!
1 day ago | 5
The Onion
Regain your mail person's respect with a Subscription to The Onion. Subscribe here: membership.theonion.com/?campaign=701a500001gUoujA…
2 days ago | [YT] | 8,404