I was having a good day yesterday, and something had to go and fuck it all up.
Normally, I’m pretty private about my personal life. Most of you probably don’t know that last year I had to get a restraining order against my former roommate, for instance. But sometimes, things spill over.
I made a reservation at my favorite, nice restaurant to celebrate my birthday. Go, sit down. I was already feeling nervous, going alone. The waiter has a sharp, rude, condescending tone - familiar, unfortunately. I can tell she thinks I’m *weird*. Probably because I’m dressed weird (I think I dress nicely. I was so excited to wear a $80 dress I had just thrifted for $20. Now, I’m going to struggle to wear it again). But I dismiss it. She’s providing good service - even if she isn’t nice.
She brings out the appetizer. Doesn’t bring out a small plate with it. Whatever, I’m eating alone, not a normal thing to want your own plate if you’re not sharing. I get one. She comes back and asks me if I’ve tried the appetizer yet. I tell her I haven’t.
Not even three minutes later - she comes with the card reader. Asks me if that’s all for today. Given the card reader, I think she wanted me to say no. Given her rude tone plus the card reader, it left me feeling like she wanted me out. Gone. Like she couldn’t wait to stop waiting on me.
I go to the manager. Ask for a different hostess. He assured me that my waitress is very nice, and this is a “misunderstanding”. Go back to the table. My meal is there. It’s cold. There isn’t even a steak knife for me to eat the steak with. I get a new waitress, fortunately.
But it was too late. The entire experience left me shaken. I thought I’d moved past feeling weak, alone, misunderstood, and hopeless. But I was reminded of it at my favorite restaurant on my twentieth birthday. I was reminded that I’ll never be normal - and the slightest thing, whether it be my eye contact or how I dress - will give it away, and make people hate me for something that I have no hope of getting rid of.
I’m feeling a bit better now. But disheartened. I cried during the meal. In the middle of a very nice, fancy restaurant. I’m not afraid to say that. I cried after. I had to take a few Advils for the headache. It honestly ruined my birthday after a perfect day. But I’m hoping the rest of the year will be a lot better. It’s all I can do.
New video out tomorrow it won’t be depressing I swear.
4rcane
I was having a good day yesterday, and something had to go and fuck it all up.
Normally, I’m pretty private about my personal life. Most of you probably don’t know that last year I had to get a restraining order against my former roommate, for instance. But sometimes, things spill over.
I made a reservation at my favorite, nice restaurant to celebrate my birthday. Go, sit down. I was already feeling nervous, going alone. The waiter has a sharp, rude, condescending tone - familiar, unfortunately. I can tell she thinks I’m *weird*. Probably because I’m dressed weird (I think I dress nicely. I was so excited to wear a $80 dress I had just thrifted for $20. Now, I’m going to struggle to wear it again). But I dismiss it. She’s providing good service - even if she isn’t nice.
She brings out the appetizer. Doesn’t bring out a small plate with it. Whatever, I’m eating alone, not a normal thing to want your own plate if you’re not sharing. I get one. She comes back and asks me if I’ve tried the appetizer yet. I tell her I haven’t.
Not even three minutes later - she comes with the card reader. Asks me if that’s all for today. Given the card reader, I think she wanted me to say no. Given her rude tone plus the card reader, it left me feeling like she wanted me out. Gone. Like she couldn’t wait to stop waiting on me.
I go to the manager. Ask for a different hostess. He assured me that my waitress is very nice, and this is a “misunderstanding”. Go back to the table. My meal is there. It’s cold. There isn’t even a steak knife for me to eat the steak with. I get a new waitress, fortunately.
But it was too late. The entire experience left me shaken. I thought I’d moved past feeling weak, alone, misunderstood, and hopeless. But I was reminded of it at my favorite restaurant on my twentieth birthday. I was reminded that I’ll never be normal - and the slightest thing, whether it be my eye contact or how I dress - will give it away, and make people hate me for something that I have no hope of getting rid of.
I’m feeling a bit better now. But disheartened. I cried during the meal. In the middle of a very nice, fancy restaurant. I’m not afraid to say that. I cried after. I had to take a few Advils for the headache. It honestly ruined my birthday after a perfect day. But I’m hoping the rest of the year will be a lot better. It’s all I can do.
New video out tomorrow it won’t be depressing I swear.
3 weeks ago | [YT] | 641