Coolness, I have found, is a measurement of a person's ability to defy social norms and get away with it. This explains the dichotomy of the coolest people being both the most popular/socially powerful -- who don't have to defy what they can just change -- but also the most ostracized. Someone with nothing to lose cannot be threatened; someone who will never be accepted anyway has no fear of additional shame. But shaming is a powerplay between an individual and a group (or someone framing themselves as a figurehead for a group, which is an important tactical distinction to keep in mind), and while the individual is often at a disadvantage, it IS still winnable because it's mostly a game of chicken. Apathy is an amazing shield. They can shame you all they want, but they only REALLY win if you FEEL ashamed. Shaming only works if you care about their opinion; shunning is only effective if you wanted to hang out with them in the first place. You can defang a lot of attacks like this by just denying or least undermining their authority either over the group or over you. It's not that easy, of course. The process -- as most solutions are -- is simple when broken down but simple != easy to implement. There's some fundamental reflexive wiring behind one's social needs to conform and approval that can't just be positive self-talked through, and sometimes they absolutely do have the power to mess with your life with their scorn and you SHOULD be afraid. //gestures at everything right now// But you do often have more power than you allow yourself, and like I always say: "The perk of being called evil is you are no longer under any obligation to meet their standard for good anymore. Just don't fall into the trap of trying to meet their standard for evil instead, that's how they trick you into still being under control."
1 week ago
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Trixie the Golden Witch
Being likable is cool, but it's not for everyone, and there are plenty of other ways to be cool: as demonstrated in this video!
1 week ago | [YT] | 16