“Had To” starts with a riddle. I loved drinking, and I used it to cope with everything. I’ve been this way in the past with other drugs that were perhaps more dire to my health (e.g. cocaine), but alcohol was there from the start and outlasted everything else. (When will we have a new phrase for “addictive personality”? Habit aficionado?)
Drinking is a gift for every season, and drinking is a way to pass the day
Drinking is a sin to some believers, and drinking is a reason to be saved
I know that the only thing haunting me is my relationship with alcohol. I write a couple verses and a chorus and leave the song half-finished.
A few weeks go by, and I am now driving on The Iciest Scary Ass Mountain Pass in Colorado. That feeling when you look in your rearview mirror and everyone behind you is turning around. Dread. We are on our way home from a long tour to Treefort and just want to sleep in our beds. I glide over a sheet of ice for many miles, trying not to look down the sheer cliff canyon walls. I start singing aloud:
I need a big hug
and a back rub
And a pay stub
And a refund
I need a hit tune
Or a breakthrough
Want to see you
In my living room
We finally come down the mountain. I park and take my phone into a state park bathroom so I can record a voice memo. I pace and sing the song, line for line. I am completely wound up. Fight, flight or freeze. I write. My friend Mik says that writing is a form of fighting. It’s an action, a way through, a forward motion. Putting pen to paper (or mumbling into voice memos) is how I process the world within and around me.
Ultimately, I merged the two song fragments together with a key change. The theme of “having too much” worked really well with both drinking and touring. I have quit drinking, but I have not quit touring. But I did give it a good look over. What I found is that my connection to songwriting is the strongest thread inside of me. It’s what makes this whole reality thing make sense. So, I keep doing it, but with a renewed sense of purpose.
Esther Rose
“Had To” starts with a riddle. I loved drinking, and I used it to cope with everything. I’ve been this way in the past with other drugs that were perhaps more dire to my health (e.g. cocaine), but alcohol was there from the start and outlasted everything else. (When will we have a new phrase for “addictive personality”? Habit aficionado?)
newwst.com/hadto
Drinking is a gift for every season, and drinking is a way to pass the day
Drinking is a sin to some believers, and drinking is a reason to be saved
I know that the only thing haunting me is my relationship with alcohol. I write a couple verses and a chorus and leave the song half-finished.
A few weeks go by, and I am now driving on The Iciest Scary Ass Mountain Pass in Colorado. That feeling when you look in your rearview mirror and everyone behind you is turning around. Dread. We are on our way home from a long tour to Treefort and just want to sleep in our beds. I glide over a sheet of ice for many miles, trying not to look down the sheer cliff canyon walls. I start singing aloud:
I need a big hug
and a back rub
And a pay stub
And a refund
I need a hit tune
Or a breakthrough
Want to see you
In my living room
We finally come down the mountain. I park and take my phone into a state park bathroom so I can record a voice memo. I pace and sing the song, line for line. I am completely wound up. Fight, flight or freeze. I write. My friend Mik says that writing is a form of fighting. It’s an action, a way through, a forward motion. Putting pen to paper (or mumbling into voice memos) is how I process the world within and around me.
Ultimately, I merged the two song fragments together with a key change. The theme of “having too much” worked really well with both drinking and touring. I have quit drinking, but I have not quit touring. But I did give it a good look over. What I found is that my connection to songwriting is the strongest thread inside of me. It’s what makes this whole reality thing make sense. So, I keep doing it, but with a renewed sense of purpose.
8 months ago | [YT] | 28