Rainy days with my girl. I’ve waited for a rainy day to just cuddle up with Truffles and read a book. I have come so far but healing is not linear. It’s been difficult to write music about it because I don’t want to sing about it, but as I heal I’ve learned my writing doesn’t have to just be sewn into music. As I read many books, I find time here and there to continue writing my own. Until that’s finished, I will continue to do my best to recommend some! I miss some who are silent towards me for unknown reasons, caught up in manipulation most likely. Maybe they were annoyed that I was on edge, of course I was. I was in a state of survival. There is absolutely no good reason for anyone to lie about what I’ve been through. It’s the last thing that I ever wanted to be true. The emptiness I experienced when I finally had the courage to not only be honest with myself, but others around me… was un fathomable. I just needed a safe place, I just needed to hear that I was loved and believed. Admitting this alone, is embarrassing yet healing.
I do not miss those who tried to destroy me. I am learning to stand on my own even in the silence of living a life I never imagined, buried by truth. Truth that has been ignored and silenced among some of my most trusted. The part they don’t tell you when you heal as an artist, silence isn’t part of our journey. Creating, writing, expressing and connecting with those who also have endured similar situations while sharing what has helped us heal, is part of it for me. If you’ve ever endured this type of low, you know that if it weren’t for people sharing their stories documentaries books and more… We wouldn’t be able to grow as a society and learn what is right and what is wrong. What we have learned to normalize and what is just no longer OK. So before anyone criticizes someone for openly sharing their story, it might feel uncomfortable to you because this is a side of that person that you don’t know… But it’s important to let them express themselves and their truth without cutting them off, if you truly love them. It doesn’t mean you have to fix their problems. It doesn’t mean you have to lose your peace over their problems, but having a little human compassion can go a very long way.
I realize this chapter of my life isn’t for everyone and many cringe at my posts. I also know how powerful it is to be transparent. Had I not found community and support in my therapy, Al-Anon, Abuse Recovery Programs, Books, Professionals, Friends, Cousins and Law Enforcement, Legal Representatives, My own video footage and pictures full of proof that sadly matched many other people who went through similar experiences… I would have been in a very dark place. I still cannot even really listen to much music. I know this is a common side effect of still being in the recovery phase.
We don’t have to accept bad conditions and behaviors over and over again. Boundaries are only threatening to those who refuse to respect them. Many criticized me for going public with my healing and that’s on them. This is my story and my truth. If you are being called “crazy” for exposing the truth about something that was very real, I feel you. If you are someone brave enough to share the truth of abuse, of any kind…. Thank you. If it weren’t for others who were willing to speak up in fear of “looking crazy” or “cringe” I would have been dangerously lost.
If you’re looking for a book to read in understanding why we stay quiet, why we get stuck in these patterns and how we can begin to change that… this book by Dr.Ramani has been my light at the end of a very dark and lonely tunnel.
Thank you for allowing me to heal loudly, during one of the hardest chapters of my life. If you find yourself, missing your family and loved ones and do not understand why you are being shunned and why your abuser was able to manipulate everyone. Even when you have the proof in videos and pictures and emails and recordings… yet nobody responds and nobody will speak to you. You are not alone. The silence I am experiencing is the most painful thing I never imagined I would go through. Being alienated, lied to, lied about, stonewalled, gaslit, and abused behind closed doors in silence is a torturous act I would never wish upon anyone.  I am so lucky to still have my childhood best friend by my side via phone and Truffles. I am so lucky to have many of you who have shown me the support that I definitely have needed. I’m a proud person who never was big on feeling comfortable in the victim role. I am so grateful for all of you. Thank you. Unfortunately, I had to admit to myself that I was a victim of some very serious chaos, while I do not plan to stay on that channel forever. This is a process so that I do not repeat the same patterns. That is why this is not something that is completely healed overnight. 
Before I had the guts to actually call the sheriffs department, I would call the violence hotline on Google to avoid being ‘that person’. I was afraid of looking bad. I was afraid of people, knowing my personal business. I would lie and say that I was safe, don’t let it get to the point where you’re locked in a closet hiding from someone threatening your life. Don’t let it get to the point where someone has you pinned on the floor and you can’t breathe and all you can do is try to scratch your way out of it, then blame yourself and allow others to blame you for the actual abuse.
Kristen McNamara
Rainy days with my girl. I’ve waited for a rainy day to just cuddle up with Truffles and read a book. I have come so far but healing is not linear. It’s been difficult to write music about it because I don’t want to sing about it, but as I heal I’ve learned my writing doesn’t have to just be sewn into music. As I read many books, I find time here and there to continue writing my own. Until that’s finished, I will continue to do my best to recommend some! I miss some who are silent towards me for unknown reasons, caught up in manipulation most likely. Maybe they were annoyed that I was on edge, of course I was. I was in a state of survival. There is absolutely no good reason for anyone to lie about what I’ve been through. It’s the last thing that I ever wanted to be true. The emptiness I experienced when I finally had the courage to not only be honest with myself, but others around me… was un fathomable. I just needed a safe place, I just needed to hear that I was loved and believed. Admitting this alone, is embarrassing yet healing.
I do not miss those who tried to destroy me. I am learning to stand on my own even in the silence of living a life I never imagined, buried by truth. Truth that has been ignored and silenced among some of my most trusted. The part they don’t tell you when you heal as an artist, silence isn’t part of our journey. Creating, writing, expressing and connecting with those who also have endured similar situations while sharing what has helped us heal, is part of it for me. If you’ve ever endured this type of low, you know that if it weren’t for people sharing their stories documentaries books and more… We wouldn’t be able to grow as a society and learn what is right and what is wrong. What we have learned to normalize and what is just no longer OK. So before anyone criticizes someone for openly sharing their story, it might feel uncomfortable to you because this is a side of that person that you don’t know… But it’s important to let them express themselves and their truth without cutting them off, if you truly love them. It doesn’t mean you have to fix their problems. It doesn’t mean you have to lose your peace over their problems, but having a little human compassion can go a very long way.
I realize this chapter of my life isn’t for everyone and many cringe at my posts. I also know how powerful it is to be transparent. Had I not found community and support in my therapy, Al-Anon, Abuse Recovery Programs, Books, Professionals, Friends, Cousins and Law Enforcement, Legal Representatives, My own video footage and pictures full of proof that sadly matched many other people who went through similar experiences… I would have been in a very dark place. I still cannot even really listen to much music. I know this is a common side effect of still being in the recovery phase.
We don’t have to accept bad conditions and behaviors over and over again. Boundaries are only threatening to those who refuse to respect them. Many criticized me for going public with my healing and that’s on them. This is my story and my truth. If you are being called “crazy” for exposing the truth about something that was very real, I feel you. If you are someone brave enough to share the truth of abuse, of any kind…. Thank you. If it weren’t for others who were willing to speak up in fear of “looking crazy” or “cringe” I would have been dangerously lost.
If you’re looking for a book to read in understanding why we stay quiet, why we get stuck in these patterns and how we can begin to change that… this book by Dr.Ramani has been my light at the end of a very dark and lonely tunnel.
Thank you for allowing me to heal loudly, during one of the hardest chapters of my life. If you find yourself, missing your family and loved ones and do not understand why you are being shunned and why your abuser was able to manipulate everyone. Even when you have the proof in videos and pictures and emails and recordings… yet nobody responds and nobody will speak to you. You are not alone. The silence I am experiencing is the most painful thing I never imagined I would go through. Being alienated, lied to, lied about, stonewalled, gaslit, and abused behind closed doors in silence is a torturous act I would never wish upon anyone.  I am so lucky to still have my childhood best friend by my side via phone and Truffles. I am so lucky to have many of you who have shown me the support that I definitely have needed. I’m a proud person who never was big on feeling comfortable in the victim role. I am so grateful for all of you. Thank you. Unfortunately, I had to admit to myself that I was a victim of some very serious chaos, while I do not plan to stay on that channel forever. This is a process so that I do not repeat the same patterns. That is why this is not something that is completely healed overnight. 
Before I had the guts to actually call the sheriffs department, I would call the violence hotline on Google to avoid being ‘that person’. I was afraid of looking bad. I was afraid of people, knowing my personal business. I would lie and say that I was safe, don’t let it get to the point where you’re locked in a closet hiding from someone threatening your life. Don’t let it get to the point where someone has you pinned on the floor and you can’t breathe and all you can do is try to scratch your way out of it, then blame yourself and allow others to blame you for the actual abuse.
You are not alone.
National domestic violence hotline 1-800-799-7233
Or just use 911.
#mentalhealth #healing #love
Highly recommended: amzn.to/4pcX82I
@DoctorRamani
3 months ago (edited) | [YT] | 5