I’m going to make this the last progress post for the year, as I feel like December is not going to have much happening. Holiday chaos and depression kinda takes up all that time and energy.
For November, the final month in my window to release something within the fall quarter, I actually did manage to release something; In my excitement for Kirby Air Riders I managed to make a video about it in only a week. I was really proud of the turnaround and the quality of the video. Unfortunately it got sent to the shadow realm by the algorithm. So far it’s done worse than my Mecha Break videos, and I don’t understand how that happened.
It was so crushing and I don’t have any confidence in youtube as a platform for video posting anymore. The whole experience just compounded my despair about being trapped in obscurity. I’m growing more and more resentful of the people saying that we should just “create for the sake of creating” because that’s always being said by people who already have an audience, even if it’s a small one.
But the thing about art is that it’s meant to be shared. I don’t just create for the sake of creating, I create so I can share my messages to the world. Art is a form of communication with others, I want to have a dialogue and conversation with people, I want to interact with people in my comment sections, I want to have debates about the grand Ideas I propose, more than the act of completing something, audience engagement is the most rewarding aspect of creating.
Ask any actor or musician or stand-up comedian or gymnast. Do you think any of those mediums would be satisfying if people were just performing in front of a wall? If my stuff is unable to find an audience, one of the biggest motivators of creating art, then how am I not supposed to let that feel discouraging? And I don’t need to be a million view channel or be world famous, I would be fine with a small niche audience as long as I feel like I’m being heard.
But I don’t feel like I’m being heard, and it’s a problem I am no closer to finding a solution for in the 8 years I’ve been pursuing art as a career.
Guess that's also why I feel so… under-achieved this year. My goal this year was to throw as many things at the wall to find out what sticks. I couldn’t complete any comics, I couldn’t finish the Zelda RPG, I tried Youtube for a bit and that is clearly a dead-end given my time and resources, I haven’t found an avenue of success yet.
At this point I only have one wish in the world; a sign. More than anything I want a clear sign of what I need to do to get closer to my dreams.
However, to prevent this year from ending as a total bummer, there are some upsides. For one, I did achieve my baseline goal of releasing SOMETHING every quarter this year so… main quest accomplished I guess.
My mental health has continued to improve, even if ever so slightly. The complete democrat sweep at the beginning of November did so much to ease my existential dread. All year I’ve been in turmoil over the fact that I’m stuck on a planet going to hell and filled with people who won't do anything to stop it. But seeing such overwhelming support for the opposition against the fascist party, it has finally given me tangible hope that people are in fact paying attention and willing to do something about it.
I’m not as anxious about the future anymore cuz at least I have the comfort in knowing that there’s a majority out there who aren’t taking it anymore either and are going to do something if things continue to decline. I’m still scared shitless mind you, but at least I have a semblance of hope now which relieves some of the psychological burden.
We also got a new dog in the family, an 8 week old puppy. He’s a little bastard but he’s also the most precious baby ever and has predictably attached to me, even though I didn’t do much. Maybe because we’re the only males in the household and bros gotta stick together.
But it is true what they say, pets do improve mental health. Although it would be even better once he’s potty trained and I don’t have to keep cleaning up after him. Despite all my doom and gloom I often post on here, I try to be mindful of the things I do have. I still have a happy marriage with a wonderful wife who supports my efforts no matter what. I have a beautiful and healthy daughter, I have a mother that also supports me, I get along with most of my wife’s family, and we have a roof over our heads.
That’s certainly more than others have right now, and if it weren’t for them I wouldn’t keep going on this journey. I certainly wouldn’t be stable, probably would’ve gone super mario bros by now if I hadn’t met my wife.
I’m going to take it easy on myself this December. Gonna continue to enjoy Kirby Air Riders, rest where I can, write when I’m able to, and try to be kind to myself so I can do better next year.
I hope everyone reading this can have a holiday where they are able to do the same. If you can’t because of the things that have happened to you or are happening; it’s ok to feel the way that you do. Shit sucks right now. But there’s something we all can do to make it better. Saying you had enough is step one. Finding others who feel that way is step 2. Step 3 is something we’ll discover together in the coming year(s), but if you need some ideas right now, looking back at history would be a good starting point.
Elonyx
NOVEMBER 2025 UPDATE
FINAL UPDATE OF THE YEAR
I’m going to make this the last progress post for the year, as I feel like December is not going to have much happening. Holiday chaos and depression kinda takes up all that time and energy.
For November, the final month in my window to release something within the fall quarter, I actually did manage to release something; In my excitement for Kirby Air Riders I managed to make a video about it in only a week. I was really proud of the turnaround and the quality of the video. Unfortunately it got sent to the shadow realm by the algorithm. So far it’s done worse than my Mecha Break videos, and I don’t understand how that happened.
It was so crushing and I don’t have any confidence in youtube as a platform for video posting anymore. The whole experience just compounded my despair about being trapped in obscurity. I’m growing more and more resentful of the people saying that we should just “create for the sake of creating” because that’s always being said by people who already have an audience, even if it’s a small one.
But the thing about art is that it’s meant to be shared. I don’t just create for the sake of creating, I create so I can share my messages to the world. Art is a form of communication with others, I want to have a dialogue and conversation with people, I want to interact with people in my comment sections, I want to have debates about the grand Ideas I propose, more than the act of completing something, audience engagement is the most rewarding aspect of creating.
Ask any actor or musician or stand-up comedian or gymnast. Do you think any of those mediums would be satisfying if people were just performing in front of a wall? If my stuff is unable to find an audience, one of the biggest motivators of creating art, then how am I not supposed to let that feel discouraging? And I don’t need to be a million view channel or be world famous, I would be fine with a small niche audience as long as I feel like I’m being heard.
But I don’t feel like I’m being heard, and it’s a problem I am no closer to finding a solution for in the 8 years I’ve been pursuing art as a career.
Guess that's also why I feel so… under-achieved this year. My goal this year was to throw as many things at the wall to find out what sticks. I couldn’t complete any comics, I couldn’t finish the Zelda RPG, I tried Youtube for a bit and that is clearly a dead-end given my time and resources, I haven’t found an avenue of success yet.
At this point I only have one wish in the world; a sign. More than anything I want a clear sign of what I need to do to get closer to my dreams.
However, to prevent this year from ending as a total bummer, there are some upsides.
For one, I did achieve my baseline goal of releasing SOMETHING every quarter this year so… main quest accomplished I guess.
My mental health has continued to improve, even if ever so slightly. The complete democrat sweep at the beginning of November did so much to ease my existential dread. All year I’ve been in turmoil over the fact that I’m stuck on a planet going to hell and filled with people who won't do anything to stop it. But seeing such overwhelming support for the opposition against the fascist party, it has finally given me tangible hope that people are in fact paying attention and willing to do something about it.
I’m not as anxious about the future anymore cuz at least I have the comfort in knowing that there’s a majority out there who aren’t taking it anymore either and are going to do something if things continue to decline. I’m still scared shitless mind you, but at least I have a semblance of hope now which relieves some of the psychological burden.
We also got a new dog in the family, an 8 week old puppy. He’s a little bastard but he’s also the most precious baby ever and has predictably attached to me, even though I didn’t do much. Maybe because we’re the only males in the household and bros gotta stick together.
But it is true what they say, pets do improve mental health. Although it would be even better once he’s potty trained and I don’t have to keep cleaning up after him. Despite all my doom and gloom I often post on here, I try to be mindful of the things I do have. I still have a happy marriage with a wonderful wife who supports my efforts no matter what. I have a beautiful and healthy daughter, I have a mother that also supports me, I get along with most of my wife’s family, and we have a roof over our heads.
That’s certainly more than others have right now, and if it weren’t for them I wouldn’t keep going on this journey. I certainly wouldn’t be stable, probably would’ve gone super mario bros by now if I hadn’t met my wife.
I’m going to take it easy on myself this December. Gonna continue to enjoy Kirby Air Riders, rest where I can, write when I’m able to, and try to be kind to myself so I can do better next year.
I hope everyone reading this can have a holiday where they are able to do the same. If you can’t because of the things that have happened to you or are happening; it’s ok to feel the way that you do. Shit sucks right now. But there’s something we all can do to make it better. Saying you had enough is step one. Finding others who feel that way is step 2. Step 3 is something we’ll discover together in the coming year(s), but if you need some ideas right now, looking back at history would be a good starting point.
~a very somber yet reflective Eli
2 weeks ago | [YT] | 0