The Onion

Visibly Bruised Pete Hegseth Declares Wobbly Barstools Threat To National Security theonion.com/visibly-bruised-pete-hegseth-declares…

4 days ago | [YT] | 49,191



@georgeshrinks3039

The barstool was just defending itself.

3 days ago | 3,300

@MrLimebomb

Jack Daniel's has been named as an accomplice

3 days ago | 2,300

@Odinarcade00

“Get that breathalyzer away from me! It’s a terrorist!”

3 days ago | 1,400

@OWG55

Barstool accused of being DEI hire…… 👍🏼

3 days ago | 1,400

@enverse244

Barstool accused of mortgage fraud, later found dead in cell from apparent suicide

3 days ago | 290

@milktenders6219

“In order for us to maintain our right to barstools, we have to be able to accept a few barstool related incidents every year” - Karlie Chirk

3 days ago | 82

@lanetower3411

Pete says gravity is woke.

3 days ago | 125

@matthewjaniss4103

It knows what your boy does to couches and wont stand for it.

3 days ago | 702

@AllCapsNapolean

The Department of War seeks to detain all undocumented barstools and return them to their original manufacturers.

3 days ago | 53

@MrPie

Secretary of Happy Hour

3 days ago | 110

@doulalina

The barstool started talking about the 1st amendment.

3 days ago | 131

@MrWeezer55

"These aren't our barstools. These are Biden's barstools."

3 days ago | 287

@robertgray323

Put a cold piece of Argentinian steak on that to reduce the swelling

3 days ago | 34

@zherkezhi

The Secretary of Bar

3 days ago | 56

@Mrdm0066

Maybe drinking while on the job should be a threat to national security

3 days ago | 119

@bluestrife28

The barstool was made in Mexico. It knew what it was doing 😂

3 days ago (edited) | 23

@Covermaker2.0

I thought this was a real for a split second before I saw it was from the onion, that’s how crazy American politicians have gotten.

2 days ago | 35

@CatDog1982

He later came back with an axe and the bar stool won again.

3 days ago | 236

@majirayne1063

Oh THAT'S why he put a make-up studio in white house ! He has a domestic violence relationship with his furniture.

3 days ago | 92

@m.hughes2521

I LOVE the smell of snowflakes melting in the morning. Smells like VICTORY.

3 days ago | 6