HI!! i just wanted to take a moment to thank all of u for the crazy amount of support on All or Nothing!! it's my fastest-growing song by far, and i'll admit i was super super nervous to post it initially. it's a very deeply personal song and i was worried i was like,, the only person Alive who's had these thoughts and experiences dfjkdjfdf. but seeing ppl respond well to it was rlly encouraging!!
I wanted to take this opportunity to delve more into the story behind AoN!! I usually don't elaborate too much publicly behind the meaning of my songs; I let the lyrics and stories speak for themselves and I like seeing diverse interpretations of my work. But I thought I'd elaborate a little on what went into the creation of this song, because it deals with some pretty sensitive topics that are depicted in abstract ways, and I wanted to share what the song was intended to represent!
The two characters in this song are two alters in a D.I.D system, and represent two different responses to sexual trauma. Red represents a fawn response, they're someone who goes along with what their abuser tells them to do for safety purposes, and develops hypersexuality (obsessive thoughts regarding sex and a higher than normal sex drive) as their primary trauma response. Blue, rather than fawning, rejects sex and sexuality entirely, and has an intensely moralized view on sex as a whole. They believe that sex is inherently evil and damaging.
Both of these are completely valid responses to sexual abuse, neither of them are "wrong" to feel the ways they do about sex, but the dysfunction comes due to the fact they're two people with completely opposite ideas of what it means to be safe, who are sharing the same body. Blue demeans and shames Red, they view Red as a horrible person for having a sex drive, that they're deviant and perverted, and believe that Red is the reason they haven't been able to recover from their sex trauma. Red throws themselves into dangerous sexual situations that Blue has to pick up the scraps from, they stay in contact with abusive people because they cannot conceptualize a world where they aren't being exploited for sex, and, inversely, they view Blue as the reason they haven't been able to recover from sex trauma.
Red can't understand that they are a self-fulfilling prophecy, and have no concept of boundaries in regards to the needs of the rest of the system. Blue can't understand that their shame and repression is the *reason* that Red doesn't know how to safely express their sexual needs, and that Red's hypersexuality is just as much a trauma response that deserves to be met with empathy and care rather than further abuse.
They don't hurt each other on purpose, and they don't inherently hate one another, they simply hate what the other represents. They both believe that their own personal values are what's most ideal or safe, and they react in the ways they do because they're looking for safety. On some level, they both believe that what they're doing is protecting the other person, and they're both incorrect in their own ways.
Ofc if ppl have other interpretations of the song or connect with it in ways different to how I outlined, that is COMPLETELY fair and valid!! Your own relationship with art is so personal, and if this song can be cathartic to you in some way different to how I intended, then I'm not someone who can take that away from you. But I wanted to elaborate on my intentions so that ppl can be well-informed when deciding how to interact with my work :) thank u all for listening!! And thank u again for all the love and support on this song, it means a TON!! <3
Carbon Monoxide
HI!! i just wanted to take a moment to thank all of u for the crazy amount of support on All or Nothing!! it's my fastest-growing song by far, and i'll admit i was super super nervous to post it initially. it's a very deeply personal song and i was worried i was like,, the only person Alive who's had these thoughts and experiences dfjkdjfdf. but seeing ppl respond well to it was rlly encouraging!!
I wanted to take this opportunity to delve more into the story behind AoN!! I usually don't elaborate too much publicly behind the meaning of my songs; I let the lyrics and stories speak for themselves and I like seeing diverse interpretations of my work. But I thought I'd elaborate a little on what went into the creation of this song, because it deals with some pretty sensitive topics that are depicted in abstract ways, and I wanted to share what the song was intended to represent!
The two characters in this song are two alters in a D.I.D system, and represent two different responses to sexual trauma. Red represents a fawn response, they're someone who goes along with what their abuser tells them to do for safety purposes, and develops hypersexuality (obsessive thoughts regarding sex and a higher than normal sex drive) as their primary trauma response. Blue, rather than fawning, rejects sex and sexuality entirely, and has an intensely moralized view on sex as a whole. They believe that sex is inherently evil and damaging.
Both of these are completely valid responses to sexual abuse, neither of them are "wrong" to feel the ways they do about sex, but the dysfunction comes due to the fact they're two people with completely opposite ideas of what it means to be safe, who are sharing the same body. Blue demeans and shames Red, they view Red as a horrible person for having a sex drive, that they're deviant and perverted, and believe that Red is the reason they haven't been able to recover from their sex trauma. Red throws themselves into dangerous sexual situations that Blue has to pick up the scraps from, they stay in contact with abusive people because they cannot conceptualize a world where they aren't being exploited for sex, and, inversely, they view Blue as the reason they haven't been able to recover from sex trauma.
Red can't understand that they are a self-fulfilling prophecy, and have no concept of boundaries in regards to the needs of the rest of the system. Blue can't understand that their shame and repression is the *reason* that Red doesn't know how to safely express their sexual needs, and that Red's hypersexuality is just as much a trauma response that deserves to be met with empathy and care rather than further abuse.
They don't hurt each other on purpose, and they don't inherently hate one another, they simply hate what the other represents. They both believe that their own personal values are what's most ideal or safe, and they react in the ways they do because they're looking for safety. On some level, they both believe that what they're doing is protecting the other person, and they're both incorrect in their own ways.
Ofc if ppl have other interpretations of the song or connect with it in ways different to how I outlined, that is COMPLETELY fair and valid!! Your own relationship with art is so personal, and if this song can be cathartic to you in some way different to how I intended, then I'm not someone who can take that away from you. But I wanted to elaborate on my intentions so that ppl can be well-informed when deciding how to interact with my work :) thank u all for listening!! And thank u again for all the love and support on this song, it means a TON!! <3
5 months ago | [YT] | 101