I LOVE ALL OR NOTHING SM,,, i have ocs with a D.I.D stand in wnd i always worry that they dont represnt what D.I.D is like, but AoN fits them and the other very well, and AoN also personally reminds me kf myself, also ITS JUST PEAK
5 months ago
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i LOVE aon it really helped me connect with one of my own alters more. i’d been falling into blue’s thought patterns but i realized it bc of the song and we’re working on trying to be a bit more healthy!!! tysm for it i think it fundamentally changed me as a person
5 months ago
| 3
i love LOVE AoN!!! it makes me feel somewhat validated since i found out i've been showing DID symptoms. i actually didnt know that the conflicting responses are possible for alters, and it reminded me of my friends being confused about what my opinion truly is ("why do your words conflict with each other? you say you hate him but then say you forgive him, then suddenly you dont care. what do you ACTUALLY feel about him?" this question actually had me stumped. i felt like i didnt have thoughts of my own that are coherent) and its been very cathartic to be understood LOL
5 months ago
| 2
I really appreciate All or Nothing and learning more ab/ the background behind it only amplifies that! I admire it a lot when people are able to weave personal meaning into their art so while I use a different medium than music seeing someone do it so organically and cohesively inspires me to improve as a creative!!!
5 months ago
| 0
I personally felt very seen when I saw the song and it hit VERY hard. Thank you for this one, Carbon Monoxide!
5 months ago
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@TheCyn-stemBasementCollective
rant under the read more + a billion spaces down so those who dont wanna read it dont get forced to- i made a google slideshow to show to my psychiatrist bc while ive been working w/ my therapist for a DID diagnosis but shes been wanting me to bring it up with said psychiatrist just for second opinion stuff and extra hands in figuring stuff out, and i was tempted to put the first chorus of the song in said slideshow in one way or another since its accurate to me and one of my headmates, but chose not to bc i was worried hed get worried and ask abt why i included it and i am not at all ready to talk abt what happened to him and especially after last session (rant below this point) he was super dismissive about me having DID bc my parents/no one b34t me or SA'ed me as a young child, said if i do have it integration is the only option, and that me researching and trying to figure out whats going on is a hyperfixation and interfering with my life and that i shouldnt be worrying about it without even asking if it is affecting me or causing any kind of distress, let alone asking why i think i have DID and just rushed to say that i shouldn't rush to get a diagnosis but im only trying to get the friggen diagnosis because while not a complete disaster it still messes with my life and my mom thinks DID is dangerous so i wanna get an official diagnosis so i can explain things to my family without them calling me crazy or saying 'theres no way' Im hoping he'll turn around, a year ago he said i must be nonbinary because im autistic and feel entirely like a boy outside of superficial things like dresses and makeup but then suddenly started going 'yeah, gender is more complex then its made out to be' and too, i cant even try and getting a new psychiatrist, hes the only one in a 5 hour + radius from were i live who see ppl under 18 and take my mom's insurance so its either this bugger or no one and hes how i get my meds so im kinda at a loss with all of this though, i am tempted to tell my sister and show her le DID slideshow, just because she likes psychology and she knows how our parents treated us messed with me more than just depression & anxiety, and also shes my big sister, i trust her, and even if she tells my parents she wouldnt do it without first researching my stuff and she knows me well enough to know i dont think having mental disorders makes somebody cool and that im not the kind of person to draw attention to myself unless its with somthing like acting or art anyway rant over, if you red all that this is an obligatory reminder to drink water, take your meds if you need to, make sure to eat, and take care of thyself!! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*.✧
5 months ago
| 3
I loved the song the entire album i just love ur work in general! Keep up the good work im so proud of u!!❤
5 months ago
| 2
aon is such a good song!!!! i think i'm gonna make a cover someday it's so good... it's emotional and personal, but thats what makes it a good song, it feels real and genuine! plus even though i dont have this particular experience it reminds me of my own trauma in a way
5 months ago
| 0
Hello XD I have a question (@￣□￣@;)！！ Carbon monoxid are you iraqi ???? (ゝω・´★)
4 months ago
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Carbon Monoxide
HI!! i just wanted to take a moment to thank all of u for the crazy amount of support on All or Nothing!! it's my fastest-growing song by far, and i'll admit i was super super nervous to post it initially. it's a very deeply personal song and i was worried i was like,, the only person Alive who's had these thoughts and experiences dfjkdjfdf. but seeing ppl respond well to it was rlly encouraging!!
I wanted to take this opportunity to delve more into the story behind AoN!! I usually don't elaborate too much publicly behind the meaning of my songs; I let the lyrics and stories speak for themselves and I like seeing diverse interpretations of my work. But I thought I'd elaborate a little on what went into the creation of this song, because it deals with some pretty sensitive topics that are depicted in abstract ways, and I wanted to share what the song was intended to represent!
The two characters in this song are two alters in a D.I.D system, and represent two different responses to sexual trauma. Red represents a fawn response, they're someone who goes along with what their abuser tells them to do for safety purposes, and develops hypersexuality (obsessive thoughts regarding sex and a higher than normal sex drive) as their primary trauma response. Blue, rather than fawning, rejects sex and sexuality entirely, and has an intensely moralized view on sex as a whole. They believe that sex is inherently evil and damaging.
Both of these are completely valid responses to sexual abuse, neither of them are "wrong" to feel the ways they do about sex, but the dysfunction comes due to the fact they're two people with completely opposite ideas of what it means to be safe, who are sharing the same body. Blue demeans and shames Red, they view Red as a horrible person for having a sex drive, that they're deviant and perverted, and believe that Red is the reason they haven't been able to recover from their sex trauma. Red throws themselves into dangerous sexual situations that Blue has to pick up the scraps from, they stay in contact with abusive people because they cannot conceptualize a world where they aren't being exploited for sex, and, inversely, they view Blue as the reason they haven't been able to recover from sex trauma.
Red can't understand that they are a self-fulfilling prophecy, and have no concept of boundaries in regards to the needs of the rest of the system. Blue can't understand that their shame and repression is the *reason* that Red doesn't know how to safely express their sexual needs, and that Red's hypersexuality is just as much a trauma response that deserves to be met with empathy and care rather than further abuse.
They don't hurt each other on purpose, and they don't inherently hate one another, they simply hate what the other represents. They both believe that their own personal values are what's most ideal or safe, and they react in the ways they do because they're looking for safety. On some level, they both believe that what they're doing is protecting the other person, and they're both incorrect in their own ways.
Ofc if ppl have other interpretations of the song or connect with it in ways different to how I outlined, that is COMPLETELY fair and valid!! Your own relationship with art is so personal, and if this song can be cathartic to you in some way different to how I intended, then I'm not someone who can take that away from you. But I wanted to elaborate on my intentions so that ppl can be well-informed when deciding how to interact with my work :) thank u all for listening!! And thank u again for all the love and support on this song, it means a TON!! <3
5 months ago | [YT] | 101