Who abandoned who?
For many childhood trauma survivors, cut-offs and setting boundaries with toxic parents can be excruciating because the inner child gets flooded with guilt and shame around letting the family down. ⠀
⠀
When I'm working with a client in that position, I know they're caught in a battle between their adult part, which knows to continue with the toxic parent means to be: ⠀
⠀
*used ⠀
*not seen
*shamed
*triangulated
*severely triggered
*guilted
*and again be put in their childhood family role (the resource, the scapegoat, the parent)
⠀
And the inner child is only focused on not wanting to be bad.
⠀
In connecting with our inner child, our adult part's job is to hold space for the pain and undo the brainwashing. However, inner children need a lot of help seeing who the toxic parents are and what is the truth about what happened in childhood.⠀
⠀
Two big inner child traits: ⠀
1) Inner children hold out hope that the family will "get it" until we are fully healed.⠀
2) Inner children have built-in forgetting about what happened to them.⠀
⠀
I'll ask a client who is struggling with their toxic parents in the present and ask, "Who abandoned who?"
⠀
Who didn't show up for you when you were bullied?
Who left you with the perpetrators?
Who modeled a one-way street?
Who let YOU be the parent?
Who left you to figure it out on your own without safety?
⠀
"Who abandoned who?"
Patrick Teahan
Who abandoned who?
For many childhood trauma survivors, cut-offs and setting boundaries with toxic parents can be excruciating because the inner child gets flooded with guilt and shame around letting the family down. ⠀
⠀
When I'm working with a client in that position, I know they're caught in a battle between their adult part, which knows to continue with the toxic parent means to be: ⠀
⠀
*used ⠀
*not seen
*shamed
*triangulated
*severely triggered
*guilted
*and again be put in their childhood family role (the resource, the scapegoat, the parent)
⠀
And the inner child is only focused on not wanting to be bad.
⠀
In connecting with our inner child, our adult part's job is to hold space for the pain and undo the brainwashing. However, inner children need a lot of help seeing who the toxic parents are and what is the truth about what happened in childhood.⠀
⠀
Two big inner child traits: ⠀
1) Inner children hold out hope that the family will "get it" until we are fully healed.⠀
2) Inner children have built-in forgetting about what happened to them.⠀
⠀
I'll ask a client who is struggling with their toxic parents in the present and ask, "Who abandoned who?"
⠀
Who didn't show up for you when you were bullied?
Who left you with the perpetrators?
Who modeled a one-way street?
Who let YOU be the parent?
Who left you to figure it out on your own without safety?
⠀
"Who abandoned who?"
6 days ago | [YT] | 2,110