“Y’all make some noise for Cardi B! Cardi walked in here tonight like she’s clocking into her old job — but relax, she only dances now when the WiFi goes out. Okurrrr!”
⸻
“Cardi went from stripping, to reality TV, to a Grammy winner. That’s the American Dream right there: ass, attitude, and Auto-Tune.
She said she makes money moves. Yeah — like charging $1,200 for a feature and still spelling every word wrong in the contract.
Every time Cardi tweets, it looks like your iPhone autocorrect had a seizure. Y’all ever read one of her tweets three times and still needed Google Translate? Show of hands!”
⸻
“Let’s talk about that voice, though. You don’t need surround sound, you need a translator.
Cardi’s the only rapper who sounds like she’s ordering food at a drive-thru during an earthquake. ‘Lemme get a number two with extra… okurrrr!’
When she talks, half the audience hears words… the other half just hears a foghorn with acrylic nails. You know what I’m talking about — your face says you just heard her ad-lib in your head.”
⸻
“She’s still married to Offset — and that marriage is like her ad-libs: it doesn’t make sense, but it keeps showing up on every track.
Offset cheats on her more than Siri misunderstands her voice commands. ‘Hey Siri—’ ‘I’m sorry, I don’t understand ‘okurrrr.’ Fellas, clap if you ever tried that line at home. …Yeah, don’t. Siri barely buys it — your girl won’t either.”
⸻ “Let’s talk about Cardi’s fashion. She shows up to award shows looking like a chandelier in a church nobody goes to anymore.
She wears more feathers than Big Bird’s funeral. And y’all know she’d post the outfit captioned, ‘Serving bird realness.’
She spends more on nails than most of us spend on rent — and that’s just the left hand. Anybody here waiting on their rent check right now? Yeah, meanwhile Cardi’s pinky nail just bought a new apartment.”
⸻
“But for real — Cardi B is proof you can be petty, messy, loud, and still rich as hell. Honestly, if that’s not the American Dream… then I don’t know what is.
One more time, make some noise for Cardi B, y’all! Okurrrr!”
The Black Girl Experience
🎤 Roast of Cardi B
“Y’all make some noise for Cardi B!
Cardi walked in here tonight like she’s clocking into her old job — but relax, she only dances now when the WiFi goes out. Okurrrr!”
⸻
“Cardi went from stripping, to reality TV, to a Grammy winner. That’s the American Dream right there: ass, attitude, and Auto-Tune.
She said she makes money moves. Yeah — like charging $1,200 for a feature and still spelling every word wrong in the contract.
Every time Cardi tweets, it looks like your iPhone autocorrect had a seizure.
Y’all ever read one of her tweets three times and still needed Google Translate? Show of hands!”
⸻
“Let’s talk about that voice, though. You don’t need surround sound, you need a translator.
Cardi’s the only rapper who sounds like she’s ordering food at a drive-thru during an earthquake.
‘Lemme get a number two with extra… okurrrr!’
When she talks, half the audience hears words… the other half just hears a foghorn with acrylic nails.
You know what I’m talking about — your face says you just heard her ad-lib in your head.”
⸻
“She’s still married to Offset — and that marriage is like her ad-libs: it doesn’t make sense, but it keeps showing up on every track.
Offset cheats on her more than Siri misunderstands her voice commands.
‘Hey Siri—’
‘I’m sorry, I don’t understand ‘okurrrr.’
Fellas, clap if you ever tried that line at home. …Yeah, don’t. Siri barely buys it — your girl won’t either.”
⸻
“Let’s talk about Cardi’s fashion. She shows up to award shows looking like a chandelier in a church nobody goes to anymore.
She wears more feathers than Big Bird’s funeral.
And y’all know she’d post the outfit captioned, ‘Serving bird realness.’
She spends more on nails than most of us spend on rent — and that’s just the left hand.
Anybody here waiting on their rent check right now? Yeah, meanwhile Cardi’s pinky nail just bought a new apartment.”
⸻
“But for real — Cardi B is proof you can be petty, messy, loud, and still rich as hell. Honestly, if that’s not the American Dream… then I don’t know what is.
One more time, make some noise for Cardi B, y’all! Okurrrr!”
2 months ago (edited) | [YT] | 0