The Onion

NASA Announces Moon Will Be Leaving Earth’s Orbit To Take On New Position With Bigger Planet
Read Full Story: theonion.com/nasa-announces-moon-will-be-leaving-e…

3 days ago | [YT] | 28,343



@jindormen

80% Tariffs on the moon

3 days ago | 3,200

@stevenunyabidness

ya know it's satire cause nasa can't afford to make announcements.

3 days ago | 2,100

@Pragmatic-Physicist

Astrophysicist here, and can confirm we’ve been observing the moon being jittery about its current position for months. We even caught it scouting for bigger planets during working hours. We tried implementing mandatory gratitude hours with no success. We all knew this was coming.

3 days ago | 954

@Tat011

Do you think the Pluto system would be open for an internship here? or have we burned that bridge?

3 days ago (edited) | 583

@naldormight6420

"UFO's and extraterrestrial life break off contact with Earth out of fear and second hand embarassment."

3 days ago | 342

@jetdathreat

Moon's final message to Earth: It's not you it's me.

3 days ago | 822

@gisellel12357

The tides are turning

3 days ago | 244

@jeremygregorio7472

Jesus Christ these Doge layoffs are out of control

3 days ago | 98

@HowToChangeName

Even moon trying to keep distance from Vance.

3 days ago | 383

@davidr2421

"Bigger both physically and emotionally" it was quoted as saying

3 days ago | 129

@_zoid

The moon worried that Katy Perry was getting too close. I can’t blame it.

3 days ago | 188

@tamybartok99

The funny thing is that the Moon is indeed moving further away from Earth, but it's happening so slowly that the Sun will die before the Moon could deorbit Earth

3 days ago | 45

@andreiarca3024

I'm so happy for the Moon. On to bigger and better things.

3 days ago | 22

@NJGuy1973

Moon: "I'm taking my talents to Jupiter."

2 days ago | 4

@TaraIsTrans

NASA didn’t announce that, it was leaked on a group TikTok post, that was supposed to be private.

3 days ago | 112

@itachiuchiha2364

The Onion is truly feasting in this timeline.

3 days ago | 25

@WayneMacLean-lj8lb

I don't blame it. I was just having a conversation with the moon. It told me it was so tired of humans putting trash on it. It was disgusted it was being treated like a dump.

3 days ago | 29

@johanbjorkman1914

Thanks Trump

3 days ago | 23

@CouldntBeMoreRight

Moonlighting has an entirely new meaning

3 days ago | 7

@SavageMcBeastdog

Denmark has done a horrible job with the moon.

3 days ago | 46