it's been a bit since i last updated, and i want to just get you up to speed on where i've been at lately.
i wanna apologize for not much progress coming as of late for the next video; since getting a decent outline of everything done, i wanted to get straight to writing/recording, but i'll just keep it a buck with you: july up to now has been particularly rough on me and thrown me completely off course of my original plan for this time of year. it's not all bad! but it's not at all what i was expecting.
this year has unsurprisingly been a very hectic and unpredictable one, and it's been hard to find stability throughout, as i'm sure is the case for A Lot of people; there's been a prevailing feeling of not quite knowing how to keep myself sane and focused amidst the uh, [points vaguely in the direction of Everything happening lately]. what got me this time particularly was a mix of burnout, an excess of pretty difficult news globally, and a lot of personal life stuff flaring up that i needed to tend to, and that led to me realizing that i kind of needed to take a step back and check in on myself.
this has led me to a...surprising turn. i don't actually feel Too bad about not much progress having been made on the next video, because in lieu of that, i've found myself reconnecting with a project that more or less has defined my trajectory these past few years; you could call it my personal dream project, my own "DELTARUNE", the thing that keeps me up at night just thinking about it, that all of this feels like it's building up to. i realized that in order to really feel confident about everything else going forward, i needed to actually get back to that project again and bring it up to speed with where i am now in my skills and experience. i've been wanting to really love what i am thinking about it again, and to actually believe in it. i know there's something good in there. so, this past month has consisted of A LOT of re-sorting and brainstorming about the finer details and figuring out how to bring it to a point i'm actually happy with.
of course, there's things i'm not gonna be able to fill the gaps on until i like...am actually making the thing. which, well- that won't be for a long while, still. the easy way to put it is: there's a bit of this project in everything i've been doing. and i do mean Everything. it's the roots of what i'm making, and i want to make sure those are maintained, or else everything else i do, in my eyes, may suffer for it.
make no mistake, **i am still going to make the next video.** i'm REALLY excited for what it's going to look like, and i want it to be not as long as a TDT3, but certainly beating its production quality. but in order to do that, i want to just finally get some of the personal shit out of my system first rather than follow a certain order of things to do; i've been keeping a lot of this in my head for so long that it's just grown nearly impossible to ignore it, and honestly? with everything happening recently that i'm seeing, it also feels too relevant to not at least try to use this project as an outlet. this year has been a huge reminder for me that there is no truly right time, there is no "someone else", and you never know how much time you have and how much you can fit in it: so the very least i can do to be kind to myself is to not ignore the deepest parts of me creatively that want to speak out a bit.
i've been very secretive about the non-youtube aspects of what i do since starting all this, and while i'm still gonna leave gaps about this work i'm doing (i STRONGLY do not want people to have certain false pretenses of what my work will look like), i think at least making people aware that it exists and that it's what i'm slowly gearing up towards is the best move. not in such a way that it abandons the youtube side (in fact, i think they go hand-in-hand in some regard), but enough that i make my intentions clear in the long-term. i love brainrotting about my interests, and i will continue to when there's something that feels worth doing a quirky little investigation on. but even more so, i have characters and stories and Feelings that i want people to know, and to cherish. i'm pretty sure i'm a storyteller above all else, and it'd be just rude to not show you what i've been sleepless about for the past several years, and will Continue to be for quite a while. it's all still kind of a haze. but i just want people to know it exists, if i have to start *somewhere.*
i wasn't sure at first if i would even gain an audience that likes me for me at all, but now that i have a sense that's what my audience is indeed here for, i don't know what the point in "hiding" it so much...is, anymore. at least, to the point of not even being aware that that's a part of what i do.
if this goes well...then hopefully, i can communicate that Efficiently in the next video alongside what people are expecting out of it. i'll be more offline while i'm essentially working from the inside out creatively to reinforce things, working my way back to focusing on youtube stuff. in fact, i already am feeling the motivation to pivot to some other stuff just because i already am feeling VERY good about what i have for this project of mine as of late. there's still work to do, but i get the feeling that once i'm past the initial bumps, it's just gonna come to me naturally.
just remember: nearly everything i make, or have made, is vent art.
thank you as always for taking the time to read this, and i'll be seeing y'all soon <3 take care of yourselves, especially now. when i have more to show, i want it to be Really worth it.
mollystars
hiya. long read ahead (not all bad news, dw)
it's been a bit since i last updated, and i want to just get you up to speed on where i've been at lately.
i wanna apologize for not much progress coming as of late for the next video; since getting a decent outline of everything done, i wanted to get straight to writing/recording, but i'll just keep it a buck with you: july up to now has been particularly rough on me and thrown me completely off course of my original plan for this time of year. it's not all bad! but it's not at all what i was expecting.
this year has unsurprisingly been a very hectic and unpredictable one, and it's been hard to find stability throughout, as i'm sure is the case for A Lot of people; there's been a prevailing feeling of not quite knowing how to keep myself sane and focused amidst the uh, [points vaguely in the direction of Everything happening lately]. what got me this time particularly was a mix of burnout, an excess of pretty difficult news globally, and a lot of personal life stuff flaring up that i needed to tend to, and that led to me realizing that i kind of needed to take a step back and check in on myself.
this has led me to a...surprising turn. i don't actually feel Too bad about not much progress having been made on the next video, because in lieu of that, i've found myself reconnecting with a project that more or less has defined my trajectory these past few years; you could call it my personal dream project, my own "DELTARUNE", the thing that keeps me up at night just thinking about it, that all of this feels like it's building up to. i realized that in order to really feel confident about everything else going forward, i needed to actually get back to that project again and bring it up to speed with where i am now in my skills and experience. i've been wanting to really love what i am thinking about it again, and to actually believe in it. i know there's something good in there. so, this past month has consisted of A LOT of re-sorting and brainstorming about the finer details and figuring out how to bring it to a point i'm actually happy with.
of course, there's things i'm not gonna be able to fill the gaps on until i like...am actually making the thing. which, well- that won't be for a long while, still. the easy way to put it is: there's a bit of this project in everything i've been doing. and i do mean Everything. it's the roots of what i'm making, and i want to make sure those are maintained, or else everything else i do, in my eyes, may suffer for it.
make no mistake, **i am still going to make the next video.** i'm REALLY excited for what it's going to look like, and i want it to be not as long as a TDT3, but certainly beating its production quality. but in order to do that, i want to just finally get some of the personal shit out of my system first rather than follow a certain order of things to do; i've been keeping a lot of this in my head for so long that it's just grown nearly impossible to ignore it, and honestly? with everything happening recently that i'm seeing, it also feels too relevant to not at least try to use this project as an outlet. this year has been a huge reminder for me that there is no truly right time, there is no "someone else", and you never know how much time you have and how much you can fit in it: so the very least i can do to be kind to myself is to not ignore the deepest parts of me creatively that want to speak out a bit.
i've been very secretive about the non-youtube aspects of what i do since starting all this, and while i'm still gonna leave gaps about this work i'm doing (i STRONGLY do not want people to have certain false pretenses of what my work will look like), i think at least making people aware that it exists and that it's what i'm slowly gearing up towards is the best move. not in such a way that it abandons the youtube side (in fact, i think they go hand-in-hand in some regard), but enough that i make my intentions clear in the long-term. i love brainrotting about my interests, and i will continue to when there's something that feels worth doing a quirky little investigation on. but even more so, i have characters and stories and Feelings that i want people to know, and to cherish. i'm pretty sure i'm a storyteller above all else, and it'd be just rude to not show you what i've been sleepless about for the past several years, and will Continue to be for quite a while. it's all still kind of a haze. but i just want people to know it exists, if i have to start *somewhere.*
i wasn't sure at first if i would even gain an audience that likes me for me at all, but now that i have a sense that's what my audience is indeed here for, i don't know what the point in "hiding" it so much...is, anymore. at least, to the point of not even being aware that that's a part of what i do.
if this goes well...then hopefully, i can communicate that Efficiently in the next video alongside what people are expecting out of it. i'll be more offline while i'm essentially working from the inside out creatively to reinforce things, working my way back to focusing on youtube stuff. in fact, i already am feeling the motivation to pivot to some other stuff just because i already am feeling VERY good about what i have for this project of mine as of late. there's still work to do, but i get the feeling that once i'm past the initial bumps, it's just gonna come to me naturally.
just remember: nearly everything i make, or have made, is vent art.
thank you as always for taking the time to read this, and i'll be seeing y'all soon <3 take care of yourselves, especially now. when i have more to show, i want it to be Really worth it.
2 months ago | [YT] | 1,309