You really want to laugh? Read the old testament Apocrypha regarding Solomon. Its absolutely hilarious. Dude rode magic carpets, used magic rings, commanded demon slaves, etc. Its great.
1 month ago | 74
lol… “yeah, cut the baby in half. Why are you so upset? Quit crying, you still get half a child! Parents, I swear. When it comes to kids they just have no sense of judgement!” Also him: “demons are real and bad, and here’s what they do, how cool they are and what they can do to give you major advantages, and exactly how to summon them into the mortal plane. This won’t go wrong in any way, 10/10 solid plan, would summon again” 😑
1 month ago (edited)
| 38
Song of solomon, written by the wisest man ever... it's about being horny. Some wise guy, he wrote a book about being horny.
1 month ago | 7
Remembering reading a book (1001 nights kids version, I think) and it said king Solomon put mirrors as floors near his throne. And when the queen of Sheba visited, he knew she wasn't a witch because she didn't have hairy legs.
1 month ago (edited) | 21
The baby trick only works once until everyone reads about it.
1 month ago | 4
Or maybe he just has adhd, given his obsession with literally anything and everything besides the assignment he’s supposed to do 💀
1 month ago | 1
Just like his supposed father King Solomon, as described in the Bible, did not exist
1 month ago | 9
Solomon has modeled after Pharaoh Amonhotep III, he didnt exist
1 month ago | 20
Solomon didnt cut a baby in half. He said he would to test the 2 woman claiming parental rights.
1 month ago | 0
There's a great book by Joseph Heller called "God knows". It's a stream of consciousness narration of King David's thoughts on his death bed. It also portrays Solomon as an idiot, who did actually think that cutting the baby in half would be a fair way to settle that particular dispute...
1 month ago | 1
At first I thought you were calling out me specifically cause my eye grazed passed “King” and was immediately drawn to “Solomon”, my actual name…
1 month ago | 0
I find this so telling. Ironically the evangelical community has embraced trump and generally speaking their idea of salvation is saved by grace meaning you don’t earn a spot in heaven; it is a gift. This idea is anathema to trump. Everything is a zero sum game to him, a deal to be worked out where someone wins and someone loses. He cannot comprehend a god that would give him salvation and eternal life for free. He would tell this god he’s getting screwed over and should start charging entrance fees. It’s also compelling he understands his place with this kind of god: he has not made the cut based on the things he has done. He has provided us a rare moment of self awareness.
1 month ago | 1
Don't worry: Its highly likely neither of them actually existed. And not just because the archaeology of Jerusalem at their layers shows the "city of David" was a medium-sized mountain cow town. But because the Tel Dan Stele does not prove he lived. At all. The Tel Dan Stele is NOT the “slam dunk” Jews, Christians and Muslims desperately want you to THINK it is. The Tel Dan Stele only shows the belief in belief. How? Because people seem unable to grasp that people back then were still people just like us. And every inch as petty and vindictive. There's something to be learned from Yul Brynner's over-the-top petty and vindictive mustache twirling Ramses II in Cecil B. DeMille's the 10 commandments. Actually believing you're a god king WILL have that effect. The Tel Dan stele does not show that David LIVED, it shows that the king boasting about defeating Israel KNEW that THEY BELIEVED he lived. And he knew just how to stick it in their heart and twist it with an inscription dunking on their mythic hero founder. This is the equivalent of a king defeating the Mycenaeans boasting about "Defeating the sons of Hercules." Or the Hyksos or much later Nubian Pharaohs declaring they have "slain the falcon of Horus" in defeating the Pharoah. This is not proof of a mythic founder having lived, it shows belief in the belief that they did. Which usually, they didn't. And there has never been a SINGLE ARTIFACT of David or Solomon's fictional kingdoms: Not one brick with the royal seal, not one fire baked clay letter or decree, nothing at all.
1 month ago (edited) | 11
It's so much worse then that. Archeologists have been looking since 1930 and there's no evidence of Isreal itself. No king David no exodus, none of it. Notice moses never mentions the pyramids? He was recycled fiction. His baby in a basket story is from Krishna and his baby story is from Sargon. Look up Ze'ev Herzog and Isreal Finklestein. Also Sholmo Sand author of THE INVENTION OF THE JEWISH PEOPLE.
1 month ago (edited) | 11
Owen Morgan (Telltale)
king solomon was an idiot. his dad, david, gave him a kingdom that was fully unified and it shattered in like 5 minutes because he was a dummy. my low stakes conspiracy is that he had his biographers make up stories to make him seem wise, like a story about how he cut a baby in half
1 month ago | [YT] | 495