This is true for everyone - our families, that difficult partner or friend, and ourselves. As adults in our present lives, we are often highly reactive and can engage in any of the following examples of triggered trauma patterns:
-Impulsively clean from a place of anxiety and get upset with those around us -feeling unsupported and possibly martyred.
-Pick fights with partners when something else is going on or bothering us -feeling justified in the mess that unfolds for not wanting to lose validity.
-Have big reactions at work where we have a reputation of being high energy or difficult and feel singled out and self-righteous.
-Not bring things up from a place of fear and codependency, and then it bursts confusing you and those around you.
-Make big expressions socially and over share & go to shame after.
What is the charge of energy behind being overly vocal at work (even if you're right)? What is the charge of energy feeling an impulse to clean and then feeling taken advantage of? What is the energy or charge behind needing to point out a fault in your partner because you have to say it, and it comes out of nowhere? If you feel overly called out, I've done all these. You're in good company.
So why?
Childhood trauma survivors often grow up in a vacuum, where we don't have any impact on affecting our family of origin. As much as you try to be good, freak out, or tell the truth nothing happens, nothing changes. Many trauma survivors feel they need to go big in order to be heard, which creates tension and mess for them - especially in intimacy. You may actually be surprised that people respond/react to you being triggered.
So, what to do?
Explore your upset. Write about it. What does the situation take you back to? How do you want to be in this moment. It takes work to know that your rage cleaning because your inner child is back there feeling disconnected and unsafe, and it was a good coping strategy to engage in, but it takes you away from being present and makes you hard to deal with.
Patrick Teahan
This is true for everyone - our families, that difficult partner or friend, and ourselves. As adults in our present lives, we are often highly reactive and can engage in any of the following examples of triggered trauma patterns:
-Impulsively clean from a place of anxiety and get upset with those around us -feeling unsupported and possibly martyred.
-Pick fights with partners when something else is going on or bothering us -feeling justified in the mess that unfolds for not wanting to lose validity.
-Have big reactions at work where we have a reputation of being high energy or difficult and feel singled out and self-righteous.
-Not bring things up from a place of fear and codependency, and then it bursts confusing you and those around you.
-Make big expressions socially and over share & go to shame after.
What is the charge of energy behind being overly vocal at work (even if you're right)? What is the charge of energy feeling an impulse to clean and then feeling taken advantage of? What is the energy or charge behind needing to point out a fault in your partner because you have to say it, and it comes out of nowhere? If you feel overly called out, I've done all these. You're in good company.
So why?
Childhood trauma survivors often grow up in a vacuum, where we don't have any impact on affecting our family of origin. As much as you try to be good, freak out, or tell the truth nothing happens, nothing changes. Many trauma survivors feel they need to go big in order to be heard, which creates tension and mess for them - especially in intimacy. You may actually be surprised that people respond/react to you being triggered.
So, what to do?
Explore your upset. Write about it. What does the situation take you back to? How do you want to be in this moment. It takes work to know that your rage cleaning because your inner child is back there feeling disconnected and unsafe, and it was a good coping strategy to engage in, but it takes you away from being present and makes you hard to deal with.
4 days ago | [YT] | 2,608