I used to work as a professional pigeon stylist. You know, giving haircuts to show pigeons for competitions. I had just finished giving a mohawk to a prize-winning bird named Bartholomew when my friend called me. "Riff Raff is in town!" she yelled. "We have to go!" I told her I couldn't, that Bartholomew's feathers had to be perfect for the competition. She replied, "Forget Bartholomew, get in loser, we're going to a concert." So I reluctantly called my manager, Helga, and told her I was leaving. She said, "But what about the pigeons?" I said, "Helga, I was there for you when you went through that terrible breakup with a mime. You owe me." She said nothing but hung up. On the way to the concert, my friend had Riff Raff's 'Cuz My Ice Shine' blasting on her boombox. When we got there, the concert was sold out, so we were just playing checkers in the parking lot. All of a sudden, a tour bus pulled up. A security guard came out and told us to not look directly at Riff Raff. But Riff Raff got off the bus and told him to chill out. I told him my story about being a pigeon stylist and he said, "I feel you, follow me." He took us to the back entrance and said we could give him the ticket money directly. It was triple the price, but we didn't care. We ended up shooting pool in the back with Riff Raff, and he told us about how he once almost made it on The Price is Right. My friend ended up losing her car keys in a game of pool with him. After the concert, Riff's tour bus pulled out with my friend's 1999 Chrysler PT Cruiser tied to the back of it, but it didn't matter. We had a great time. Riff Raff yelled, "Never forget me!" as he threw handfuls of glitter and gummy bears out of the bus window. Then he yelled "Just drive, man!" to his driver, and the bus and the car disappeared into the night. The next day, I called Helga and told her I was quitting. Riff Raff gave me the courage. Now I'm a Jr assistant associate manager at a public library's finger painting department, and I'm living the dream. Thank you, Peach Panther... for everything.
1 month ago (edited) | 4
I worked at a toilet paper factory, I was in charge of making the cardboard roll at the center. My friends was like you work way to much, come to this Riff Raff concert with us tonight. I was like, but I'm needed at the toilet paper factory. They said, fuck that job, get in loser. So Reluctantly, I called my manager, Tram. I said, Tram I'm taking off tonight. Tram said, well what about the Toilet Paper rolls? I was like, hey I stepped up when you had your reassignment surgery, so you can look out for me. So after that I'm riding in my friends 2002 Chevy SSR and he has Riff Raff's 'Test Drive' blasting on his Flip phones speaker for the ride to the concert. We get there and it's sold out. So we are playing Pokémon go in the parking lot and a tour bus pulls up. All of a sudden the doors open up and doves fly out. It was Riff Raff. His security told us to not look at him directly in his eyes, but he told them to chill with all of that. We told him our story and he said I got u, follow me. We did. He took us in the back entrance and said yall can just give me the ticket money directly. We did. It was triple the price of the regular tickets. We didn't care. We shot dice and he told us how he could have played for Comedy Central. My friend ended up losing his car title in a dice game with Riff, so after the concert Riffs tour bus had a 2002 Chevy tied to the back of it when it pulled out, but it didn't matter. We had a great time. He yelled, I will never forget yall, as he threw peaches and glitter at us from his tour bus window. Then he yelled get me the fuck out of here to his driver and the tour bus and the 2002 Chevy SSR disappeared into the night. I called Tram rite there on the spot and told him that I quit. Riff gave me the courage. Now I'm a Jr assistant associate manager at Payless shoes and living the dream. Thank you Peach Panther....for everything.
1 month ago (edited) | 10
JodyHighRoller
🎃 To add your city / town, venue, college frat or Versace Junior College to this Balloween party run 🎃 Email Add@PlanetRiffRaff.com 🎃
Rock out with RiFF RAFF & CRankenstein
🎸 Cranking Chords n crackin coors 🍻
10/30 - Lexington, KY
10/31 - Louisville, KY
11/02 - Columbus, OH
1 month ago | [YT] | 790