As a teenager, I was very close to growing up into a hateful adult. Concerned with little more than improving my KD on Call of Duty, I stayed up all night putting no effort into myself and wondering why the world didn’t reward me simply for existing. I put walls around myself and then, feeling the pressure, blamed the world for this excess force shoving my face into a corner. I did no research, but rested assured that I was the most oppressed, I could just feel it, and if I wasn’t so awkward, I would have said it too, thinking it to myself incessantly as other’s conversations provoked my fragile ego.
I don’t know exactly what broke me out of this; maybe it was a partner I chameleoned who was emblematic of everything early 2010s tumblr, maybe it was a father mostly absent, but just present enough to pass on his own escape from such things, maybe it was the one activity I ever truly joined breaking my awkward spell, but whatever the case, I’ve always been thankful that I escaped from my hate. It was the first step to all of this introspection and growth I’ve shared with you across mostly the past 5, but in total 10 years of this channel, as I learned from profile after profile of flawed characters that what I really hated was my past self, that I could point out their flaws so naturally because they were once my own.
I think this is what drew me to Black Lagoon 5 years ago now, a show with an often missed point of violent anti-violence. The characters say and do horrible things, but in service of presenting them as weak, ineffectual against a mirror even if they would kill another with its broken shards. The very premise calls into question where blame lies, on the origins of a hateful cycle of those who perpetuate it in the name of survival, eventually coming to love it. A show all about how much honesty, honor, and equality truly mean, and the flawed, self harming mindsets of those who say they mean nothing at all; the people whose hate is an excuse for failure.
The real depth of my self discovery began with Sayaka from Madoka Magica, a character who I grew up with; in younger years, I related to her desire for, and failings at love. As I got older, I related to why she felt undeserving of that love. But, often neglected when I talked about the show was Kyoko, the red to Sayaka’s blue, and we’ll be correcting that next week with a dedicated look at her, someone who believes that the duty of those with power is to do nothing; but only because that’s everyone’s duty. The complexities of the human mind, rifts based on age, gender, location, and so much more, drive us to misunderstand and hurt where we meant to help, and so in her mind the truly kind option is to be selfish; to keep our desires out of other’s lives, to correct Sayaka’s wonders of if she’s selfish by simply never thinking of another to begin with. Complexity becomes an excuse for hate.
And, continuing my reminder that Wonder Egg Priority was more than its terrible ending, we’re returning to it for a look at Rika, a picture of how hating ourselves can be reasoned as loving others, and can make the world make sense. When people love us, they often sacrifice for us, their free time, their money, even their dreams, purposefully denying their own pleasure in service of our own. While this is often because they simply see us as more worthwhile than those things, could this be recognized by a child who was left behind and ignored, never privy to the first place we encounter the sacrifices of love in parents? To them, the world hurts, and if they deserve it, then that’s the end of the story; it simply makes sense.
It’s a video that I kind of went all in on without realizing it; I planned to get it done very quickly, and then ended up making three character profiles into one and giving the best editing effort in probably years (aside from literature based videos which inherently require more). I was inspired to make some truly great things after crawling out of my own hate, I guess. It’s an odd one, because it isn’t about me like some videos, but about the kind of person I could have been, a terrible self avoided in some grand casualty of manipulative relationships, somewhat absent parents, and witnessing how much more fun loving people had.
It’s available now for any paid supporters, and actually has been for a week. If you want to see it early and help out the channel, $3 a month gets you early access, as well as your name in the credits. I swear I’ll get better at promoting that actually in videos soon. Anyway, thanks for reading all of this. I’m always honored that your time is spent here with me.
-Viral (it’s actually pronounced Veral, like the character from Gurren Lagann. My name is a lot less cringe when I mention that lol)
ProfessorViral
As a teenager, I was very close to growing up into a hateful adult. Concerned with little more than improving my KD on Call of Duty, I stayed up all night putting no effort into myself and wondering why the world didn’t reward me simply for existing. I put walls around myself and then, feeling the pressure, blamed the world for this excess force shoving my face into a corner. I did no research, but rested assured that I was the most oppressed, I could just feel it, and if I wasn’t so awkward, I would have said it too, thinking it to myself incessantly as other’s conversations provoked my fragile ego.
I don’t know exactly what broke me out of this; maybe it was a partner I chameleoned who was emblematic of everything early 2010s tumblr, maybe it was a father mostly absent, but just present enough to pass on his own escape from such things, maybe it was the one activity I ever truly joined breaking my awkward spell, but whatever the case, I’ve always been thankful that I escaped from my hate. It was the first step to all of this introspection and growth I’ve shared with you across mostly the past 5, but in total 10 years of this channel, as I learned from profile after profile of flawed characters that what I really hated was my past self, that I could point out their flaws so naturally because they were once my own.
I think this is what drew me to Black Lagoon 5 years ago now, a show with an often missed point of violent anti-violence. The characters say and do horrible things, but in service of presenting them as weak, ineffectual against a mirror even if they would kill another with its broken shards. The very premise calls into question where blame lies, on the origins of a hateful cycle of those who perpetuate it in the name of survival, eventually coming to love it. A show all about how much honesty, honor, and equality truly mean, and the flawed, self harming mindsets of those who say they mean nothing at all; the people whose hate is an excuse for failure.
The real depth of my self discovery began with Sayaka from Madoka Magica, a character who I grew up with; in younger years, I related to her desire for, and failings at love. As I got older, I related to why she felt undeserving of that love. But, often neglected when I talked about the show was Kyoko, the red to Sayaka’s blue, and we’ll be correcting that next week with a dedicated look at her, someone who believes that the duty of those with power is to do nothing; but only because that’s everyone’s duty. The complexities of the human mind, rifts based on age, gender, location, and so much more, drive us to misunderstand and hurt where we meant to help, and so in her mind the truly kind option is to be selfish; to keep our desires out of other’s lives, to correct Sayaka’s wonders of if she’s selfish by simply never thinking of another to begin with. Complexity becomes an excuse for hate.
And, continuing my reminder that Wonder Egg Priority was more than its terrible ending, we’re returning to it for a look at Rika, a picture of how hating ourselves can be reasoned as loving others, and can make the world make sense. When people love us, they often sacrifice for us, their free time, their money, even their dreams, purposefully denying their own pleasure in service of our own. While this is often because they simply see us as more worthwhile than those things, could this be recognized by a child who was left behind and ignored, never privy to the first place we encounter the sacrifices of love in parents? To them, the world hurts, and if they deserve it, then that’s the end of the story; it simply makes sense.
It’s a video that I kind of went all in on without realizing it; I planned to get it done very quickly, and then ended up making three character profiles into one and giving the best editing effort in probably years (aside from literature based videos which inherently require more). I was inspired to make some truly great things after crawling out of my own hate, I guess. It’s an odd one, because it isn’t about me like some videos, but about the kind of person I could have been, a terrible self avoided in some grand casualty of manipulative relationships, somewhat absent parents, and witnessing how much more fun loving people had.
It’s available now for any paid supporters, and actually has been for a week. If you want to see it early and help out the channel, $3 a month gets you early access, as well as your name in the credits. I swear I’ll get better at promoting that actually in videos soon. Anyway, thanks for reading all of this. I’m always honored that your time is spent here with me.
-Viral
(it’s actually pronounced Veral, like the character from Gurren Lagann. My name is a lot less cringe when I mention that lol)
3 weeks ago | [YT] | 512