I blocked some friends thinking they were fake to me cuz they were kinda confusing. Some days they were nice to me. Some days they just didn’t give the ‘nice’ vibes and had this ‘I lowkey hate you’ micro expressions.
Things like this made me spiral into dilemma. I hated it. I hated how they made me feel sometimes. I’ve seen fake friends before. I didn’t wanna wait around and find out and make a fool out of myself. So I blocked them after giving them five chances.
Then in this retrograde, I found out one of them was actually really nice. She wasn’t that close to me. I only gave her two chances and they were kinda blurry. The red flag wasn’t really red. It was more of a brownish red? Maybe it was just brown. And not red. Maybe I just read her wrong. I blocked her quickly with a bunch of other ‘100% sure it’s red’ people. And today I found out that she never had ill intentions towards me. The vibrant redness of other people made me think she might also be red. Ngl it gave me this very humbling self-reflective moment.
Not judging myself. Cuz I know i went through a lot of backstabbings. But it’s just that healing does need more time and reflection. I should double-reflect on my trust issues before I cut some people off. I do like the way I’m quick to burn bridges with anyone, it kinda protects me from unnecessary drama but I also think that if I don’t work on my trust issues, cutting off quickly could develop into self-sabotage. I could lose some really good friends that probably were just having some bad days. And I could hurt feelings of friends that love me genuinely. This is what early 20s feels like, ig.
Cajel Amirah's 🫧🌸
Just sharing 🌸
I blocked some friends thinking they were fake to me cuz they were kinda confusing. Some days they were nice to me. Some days they just didn’t give the ‘nice’ vibes and had this ‘I lowkey hate you’ micro expressions.
Things like this made me spiral into dilemma. I hated it. I hated how they made me feel sometimes. I’ve seen fake friends before. I didn’t wanna wait around and find out and make a fool out of myself. So I blocked them after giving them five chances.
Then in this retrograde, I found out one of them was actually really nice. She wasn’t that close to me. I only gave her two chances and they were kinda blurry. The red flag wasn’t really red. It was more of a brownish red? Maybe it was just brown. And not red. Maybe I just read her wrong. I blocked her quickly with a bunch of other ‘100% sure it’s red’ people. And today I found out that she never had ill intentions towards me. The vibrant redness of other people made me think she might also be red. Ngl it gave me this very humbling self-reflective moment.
Not judging myself. Cuz I know i went through a lot of backstabbings. But it’s just that healing does need more time and reflection. I should double-reflect on my trust issues before I cut some people off. I do like the way I’m quick to burn bridges with anyone, it kinda protects me from unnecessary drama but I also think that if I don’t work on my trust issues, cutting off quickly could develop into self-sabotage. I could lose some really good friends that probably were just having some bad days. And I could hurt feelings of friends that love me genuinely. This is what early 20s feels like, ig.
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