Hello. I just drop here before go to bed. i’m feeling a little sentimental and emotional now so that i want to talk anything to anyone whoever.
Oh, before saying some deep and blue talk, Cheers to SHINee. Congratulation on getting 1st place! I knew you’d do a good job that as always as you’ve done. Bling Bling my five stars. You guys are always my stars.
Anyway These days, I spend a lot of time alone. Going outside and doing outside activities is very energy consuming for me. So defensively, I’m reluctant to go out. The noise around me, the relationship with people, everything is a series of tiredness and tension. Not lying, my Apple Watch always says my pulse rate is 128 BPM.
Then the doctor and family get angry with me and try to drag me out right away. After a scuffle, it eventually spreads out loud, and we eventually huff with our faces red. Of course I know. It’s because they’re worried about me. I suffer from depression, and this is a typical symptom of a depressed patient. But I want to be alone as quietly as possible. I don’t want to go out.
As soon as I go outside, my whole nerves and pulse become super sensitive. Do you know how it feels? The anxiety and tension that I can feel every cell from hair to toe makes me tired.
And.. The work, my job is also bothering me. I’m a English Instructor of middle and high school, My responsibility for each student is too great. Everyone says it’s what makes me hard on myself. It’s so painful when I can’t give a perfect lecture or show my perfect appearance to a student.
‘You can’t take responsibility for everything about the student,’ everyone advised me like this. Yep I also know that. But It just doesn’t work out. Is it because of the perfectionist tendencies? Yeah, maybe. I’m not sure how far I’m going to take charge of this student and how far I’m going to let go of my obsession… And I feel limited in my ability. I didn’t know until I did this that being good at English and teaching English to someone were completely different. Especially, I learned English very naturally, so I don’t know how to teach children about studying for exams.
SHINE days
Hello. I just drop here before go to bed. i’m feeling a little sentimental and emotional now so that i want to talk anything to anyone whoever.
Oh, before saying some deep and blue talk, Cheers to SHINee. Congratulation on getting 1st place! I knew you’d do a good job that as always as you’ve done. Bling Bling my five stars. You guys are always my stars.
Anyway These days, I spend a lot of time alone. Going outside and doing outside activities is very energy consuming for me. So defensively, I’m reluctant to go out. The noise around me, the relationship with people, everything is a series of tiredness and tension. Not lying, my Apple Watch always says my pulse rate is 128 BPM.
Then the doctor and family get angry with me and try to drag me out right away. After a scuffle, it eventually spreads out loud, and we eventually huff with our faces red. Of course I know. It’s because they’re worried about me. I suffer from depression, and this is a typical symptom of a depressed patient. But I want to be alone as quietly as possible. I don’t want to go out.
As soon as I go outside, my whole nerves and pulse become super sensitive. Do you know how it feels? The anxiety and tension that I can feel every cell from hair to toe makes me tired.
And.. The work, my job is also bothering me. I’m a English Instructor of middle and high school, My responsibility for each student is too great. Everyone says it’s what makes me hard on myself. It’s so painful when I can’t give a perfect lecture or show my perfect appearance to a student.
‘You can’t take responsibility for everything about the student,’ everyone advised me like this. Yep I also know that. But It just doesn’t work out.
Is it because of the perfectionist tendencies? Yeah, maybe. I’m not sure how far I’m going to take charge of this student and how far I’m going to let go of my obsession… And I feel limited in my ability. I didn’t know until I did this that being good at English and teaching English to someone were completely different. Especially, I learned English very naturally, so I don’t know how to teach children about studying for exams.
And I miss JongHyun tonight more than other days…
2 years ago | [YT] | 656