May not be relevant, but I remember that in primary school, nearly every girl in my age group (say ages 8-11, mostly in the noughties) wanted to be seen as one (a ~missed~ boy in French). Having short hair "almost as short as a boy" (but not quite...) was positive, as was being interested in sports, marbles, beyblades, star wars, or anything stereotypically boyish. Conversely, we rejected ever having been interested in anything remotely feminine, such as dolls or pink. Looking back, it was definitely very sad that we were schooling ourselves so young: you couldn't be too feminine, or you wouldn't be taken seriousely and seen as childlike, and you couldn't be too masculine either: we had to stick with the tomboy label. As someone who is much more gender non-confirming now than I was then, I do think that this sort of idealisation of the tomboy that was going on did negatively impact the way I tried to position myself with regards to gender and gender presentation.
2 weeks ago (edited) | 215
When I was young, I remember asking "if there's tomboys, why can't there be tomgirls?" Because that seemed very accurate to me, and I had just never heard the term being used. I would later realize that it was just a VERY socially unacceptable thing to be where I grew up.
2 weeks ago | 220
when i was a kid i hated “girly stuff” and i would get my haircut short, wear “boys clothes”, do “boy activities” but when i got older i realized the only reason i hated girly stuff so much was because i recognized that girliness is seen as weak and i really hated being underestimated (im also really short so i already wasn’t taken seriously) now i love girly stuff cause i understand it’s not weak to be feminine
2 weeks ago | 96
I was absolutely NOT a tomboy growing up, but I think it had a lot to do with how my mom raised me (born 2001, fwiw). I was an only child who was handed fairy stickers, barbie dolls, disney princesses, ballet lessons, fashion designer books, all in a pink room with a child-sized vanity and play-makeup. I was known as a girly-girl, and I didn’t mind it at all. However, as I got older, I fell out of my girly-girl identity HARD. Once other girls started crushing on boys, I started dressing emo, playing more video games, and riding my bike everywhere. My all-girl friend group abandoned me, and I became best friends with a boy. It was like I became a tomboy overnight, much to the chagrin of my mom. Now, I’m a proud nonbinary butch lesbian. I don’t think tomboys are just “fruity”, I think everyone reads into tomboys too much. “They’re gay girls who haven’t come out yet”, “they’re pick-me girls”, “they’re victims of the patriarchy”, “they’re rejecting the patriarchy and therefore more feminist than girly girls”. All of those statements can apply to individual women and girls. There’s no one reason that girls with traditionally masculine interests exist, and it’s kind of ridiculous when I see people ascribe those traits broadly.
2 weeks ago | 29
As a butch lesbian, I was definitely more 'masculine' in interests and behavior than most of my peers as a kid and probably had more male friends than female (when the boys didn't bully me that is). Here's a thing though: at the same time, I was always the only one among the girls who was not ashamed of loving pink, playing Barbies, listening to pop music etc. on the side. The other girls would be very into long hair, makeup, boys, but mention pink to them, they would retch and say they're "not bimbos like that". I never once had that problem despite presenting pretty tomboyish otherwise. It's also worth mentioning that my parents never pushed any "girl" things on me, they almost actively avoided it. They decorated my whole room in yellow and blue, kept my hair in a bob and didn't mind whether I played with dolls, cars, or stuffed animals. When I wanted to paint my room/dye my hair pink later on they always said I'd get bored within a year. I was also always fat and not conventionally attractive so I never felt the pressure to be pretty or appeal to boys, never got cat called etc. and I think that unironically saved me from developing a sense of inner misogyny.
2 weeks ago | 3
i am a trans guy, as a kid i was always called a tomboy and i liked calling myself that. but in truth i did love girly things, i loved dolls and dresses and my little pony but i felt ashamed to like those things because of the way society puts down femininity as "less than". being called a tomboy felt like i was achieving something better than the other girls. now after i came out i still enjoy collecting dolls and wearing skirts. ironically coming out as trans helped me embrace my feminine interests more.
2 weeks ago | 110
I always considered myself a tomboy growing up. Turns out I just was a boy.
2 weeks ago | 12
I was a tomboy growing up, and I'm now a straight cis woman. I don't think I wanted to be a boy, but I resented the yoke of misogyny and feminine expectations that being a girl put on me. I hated hearing I couldn't do things because I was a girl, and unconsciously absorbed the cultural soup of patriarchy. Even as a kid you can't not see how differently women are talked about, treated, spoken to, looked at, etc. I also think I was afraid I wouldn't live up to those expectations - that I wasn't pretty or sweet or socially adept enough to be good at being a girl. I also just genuinely liked climbing trees and picking up bugs and wearing pants. Today I'd think of a tomboy as cis or trans girl who isn't interested in 'girly' things and prefers activities/clothing more typically associated with boys.
2 weeks ago | 53
I've never felt tomboyish but I think I was labeled as such by some classmates who didn't understand why I didn't want to do more "girly" things. Now that I know I'm neurodivergent, it all makes more sense, the things I don't like of being "ladylike" are all because of sensory issues. Like for example painting my nails make me feel like the nails can't breathe and I need to remove the polish in a few hours.
2 weeks ago | 3
I feel like the term tomboy ought to be thrown out moving forward. As a kid I called myself tomboy because I thought that liking nerdy things, wearing skater clothes, and enjoying having friends who were boys made me not girly enough to be a girl. We should all be able to enjoy the things we like in life without having to say that they have to define the way we feel about ourselves on the inside. I am a woman who likes all sorts of things and I don’t need to pigeon hole myself because of the traditional attitudes around a hobby.
2 weeks ago | 1
Not me, but my 63yr old mother HATES the word 'tomboy' she was called one when she was younger and she resented the fact that being anything but conventionally feminine (in western standards) meant that you HAD to be labeled a 'boy' or 'boyish' as she saw it. I don't disagree with her, and I have two sisters who grew up the same - one liked to be a 'tomboy' and hung around with the lads whereas the other is very similar in interests and attitude but isn't fond of the word, and had more female friends growing up. I have a feeling the term 'tomboy' just gave the first a feeling of connection with her friends, and we grew up in a remote working class village so didn't know better. but nowadays she wouldn't approve of the term either. I don't hear it really at all from my generation and younger (25>) and I guess that's because people have found more words that describe them in more specific ways that others haven't thrust on them? Gender-fluid, nonbinary, gender-nonconforming, androgynous, butch, aroace, masc, etc. are all identities that could be seen as 'tomboys' (dependent on the person) by an older generation. Or I'm talking completely out my arse lol I do feel like it's a dead/dying phrase purely because it equates masculine with being boy/male equating gender to expression - It's based on outdated gender stereotypes. whereas the term masc doesn't equate gender to expression. (If that makes sense)
2 weeks ago (edited) | 8
Yeah my tomboyness had more to do with the fact that I didn't fit perfectly into the girly expectations. I'm fully a woman, and I feel very feminine but I also enjoy military aircraft and first person shooters and stuff. I don't think NOW that that acts at all against my femininity, but I did once. I wore masculine clothing because I preferred it, because it was more durable and baggier. It's definitely more to do with how we define(d) femininity at the time for me
2 weeks ago | 4
i was one growing up and now i'm a trans femboy, a twist nobody saw coming. personally when i think of a tomboy, i think of a lady who's some degree of masculine. maybe they're some form of closeted, maybe they aren't. i think it's important to validate gender identity and presentation equally
2 weeks ago | 42
I was from like 8-12 because "girls are useless and stupid" messaging in the late 90's and 00's, lots of internalized misogyny! So even though i desperately loved girly things; 1 - I didn't feel "pretty/skinny/cool" enough to wear/openly enjoy things associated with femininity 2 - girls were so looked down on that appealing to boys by "not being like the other girls" was how I could feel worthy. I did unironically enjoy wrestling like WWF, rock music of many varieties (still do), but I used that more as a point to show I'm "better" if that makes any sense? Took a long time going from nlog to pick me to then unlearning all this internalized misogyny in my twenties. Lots of wasted years trying to appeal to guys 🤦🏼♀️ v v excited for your video on this topi
2 weeks ago | 15
I was a tomboy, maybe still am at 32 or maybe it's just the balance between masculine and feminine depends on the day which comes out stronger. I used to skateboard in my early teens and hang out on my bike, was outdoors a lot, I liked sports, I wore baggy clothes, I didn't like how my body was changing, defo didn't like boobs growing so I developed a bit of a hunchback posture lol but it wasn't severe so I didn't get stuck with it. I had long hair tho and wore pretty colours, I was a fan of Avril Lavigne's sk8er style before her blonde hello kitty era. I liked boys more than girls because they seemed more childlike for longer and I never really wanted to grow up so I preferred to hang out with boys or other girls who weren't too girly. I think deep down i had jealousy towards girly girls as I didn't know how they can be so comfortable with themselves at 13-17, wearing pushup bra and thong, I felt like we were children. When I had boys interested in me or looked at me like I'm a pretty girl I kinda felt offended like I wasn't in that period of my life yet. I didn't have problem with my gender tho, not for a second I wanted to be a boy, I very much still think being sometimes strong and masculine inside and out is very sexy and on some days that's what feels right and that's what feels like to be a woman. I like to train and have a lean figure with muscles , then keep it for myself under a big tee. I want to be strong and able and live long it's not for the male gaze but on my girly days in more feminine clothes I don't care if they look, I'm sure enough in myself that I don't need validation coz I'm not so interested in surface things when I look at others either. I think being a tomboy doesn't mean you are masculine, more like not "too feminine" and girly. Don't need a man for everything coz you are weak or don't know how to use a screwdriver or label things as a "man's job". I think it's that "I don't give a fck" attitude that tomboys have at least the ones I know.
2 weeks ago | 3
I was a tomboy as a kid, but I'm pretty much the exact opposite nowadays. At the time being girly was very much seen as a negative thing. The women and girls in media were portrayed as villians, vain, and dumb. The boys at school would constantly talk negatively about girls like that. It was rare to see characters or people that broke the trope. So I embraced the tomboy aesthetic for most of my childhood and teen years in the hopes that people would treat me seriously. They never did, and so as an adult, I've reclaimed my love of pink, glitter, dolls, high fem makeup and clothes, and reality tv/romance books. This is not to slight tomboys at all- but it was very much something I leaned into for safety.
2 weeks ago (edited) | 15
I'd say that, while there's certainly a definition of tomboy that includes liking more stereotypical masculine things or being masculine in itself, to me it was always defined by an absence. Like being asexual is defined as a lack of sexual attraction, being a tomboy is defined as a lack of interest in "femininity". And it doesn't take a lot! You can be as feminine as possible, but if you don't like the color pink, you're called a tomboy. In the same vein, you can be as masculine as can be, but if you like something "girly", be prepared to be called a "girl" (derogatory) for years...
2 weeks ago | 31
i was a tomboy growing up, (trans man now) and i remember being in first or second grade having an assembly about stereotypes. the speaker went over a number of terms that could be hurtful, and one that she included was tomboy. that was the only language i had at the time to explain how i felt about my gender, and i was frustrated that there wasn’t another word i could use to describe myself, and she was telling me not to use that one. i think i confronted her on this, but i can’t quite remember. being a tomboy was for me was an important part of who i was and how i grew up. i’m sure the experience is different for everyone who lives it, but for me, it was an important part of defining who i was as a child.
2 weeks ago | 21
I went through a tomboy phase when I was a teen at the same time as my 'i hate pink and everything feminine phase'. I just wanted to be different and 'not like other girls'. I grew out of that attitude thankfully but I would still identify as a tomboy today - short hair, dresses more masculine. I'm a cis woman but have always enjoyed messing with gender roles and expectations.
2 weeks ago | 3
Growing up I understood "tomboy" to mean a girl that expressed interest in things and clothing that society labeled as masculine. It didn't have to be a hostile rejection of femininity, just not a strong enough outward expression of it, while simultaneously engaging is "boyish" interests. I very much identified with the label because, for me at least, being a tomboy meant society acknowledged me as the girl I identified as while simultaneously leaving me the hell alone to my interests because I was failing at the feminine ideal. It was a weird kind of freedom in self expression for me. I wore comfortable/practical clothes and hair for the activities I enjoyed, I participated in 'masculine' sports, like ice hockey, and it was just accepted that I would be catching bugs and playing outside in the dirt. Again, there is no hostile rejection of femininity required here, just a stronger alignment with things society doesn't consider feminine. Pink was fine, I'd wear dresses and makeup on occasions I felt called for that, and I never hated traditionally "feminine" things- I just like the tomboy things more and the label gave me the freedom to embrace that.
2 weeks ago | 9
Tara Mooknee
"Tomboy"
Were you one growing up? How do you define one? Are they just fruity? Do they still exist?
2 weeks ago | [YT] | 997