When we lose our emotions we also lose our sense of identity. The world is just a collection of people living by different ideologies. Those ideologies come from a mix of both geographical location and historical politics. Sprinkle in the factor of constant modernity and the motivations of those in power and sometimes we find that we don't fit in where we are. I became dissociative many years ago growing up in an extremely dysfunctional household. And when trauma is chronic, eventually your brain says "I've had enough" and now some of the lights are on, they're dim, but ultimately you're just surviving to the next day. You don't get the luxury to be emotional and identify and process your feelings. Fast forward to me also enlisting and in a constant high stress environment we have to turn our emotions off for the sake of the mission. We have to make hard decisions that directly impact the lives of people and if you decide to utilize the resources the DoD offers then it also impacts your career. I tell all this because I've been trying to gain my identity back. From religious trauma at a young age to militant trauma of recent age I've been living my entire life for other people and it occurred to me that I barely know who I am. I never had supportive parents, I've always had to find my own way, and in that journey it's lead to me constantly relying on someone else. So if identity is ultimately formed by stringing together emotional events, but I've been disassociated for the better part of 30 years, then who am I?
Chunky Thunder Studios
When we lose our emotions we also lose our sense of identity. The world is just a collection of people living by different ideologies. Those ideologies come from a mix of both geographical location and historical politics. Sprinkle in the factor of constant modernity and the motivations of those in power and sometimes we find that we don't fit in where we are.
I became dissociative many years ago growing up in an extremely dysfunctional household. And when trauma is chronic, eventually your brain says "I've had enough" and now some of the lights are on, they're dim, but ultimately you're just surviving to the next day. You don't get the luxury to be emotional and identify and process your feelings.
Fast forward to me also enlisting and in a constant high stress environment we have to turn our emotions off for the sake of the mission. We have to make hard decisions that directly impact the lives of people and if you decide to utilize the resources the DoD offers then it also impacts your career.
I tell all this because I've been trying to gain my identity back. From religious trauma at a young age to militant trauma of recent age I've been living my entire life for other people and it occurred to me that I barely know who I am. I never had supportive parents, I've always had to find my own way, and in that journey it's lead to me constantly relying on someone else.
So if identity is ultimately formed by stringing together emotional events, but I've been disassociated for the better part of 30 years, then who am I?
11 months ago | [YT] | 0