This post is related to my father and why so many girls may grow up to become abusers themselves. She does a good job of explaining different "types" but her channel is focused on women. Due to the amount of violence against women and girls all over the world, this is still a major issue. I'm still trying to figure out my own issues. There are some videos that dropped today that make me wonder about anti-social personality disorder (sociopathy). My father was a diagnosed sociopath with psychopathic tendencies. But he was visiously and sadistically abused by his mother. His father was very passive and submissive in their marriage. I only met his mother a few times. I just know that I didn't like her. She gave off all kinds of bad vibes and energy. My mother told me he absolutely hated her and unfortunately due to that, he started taking it out on everyone including us. He also always wanted to get "revenge" on others who wronged him. But he had such severe betrayal issues due to his mother that his narcissism became very malignant. He also felt the law didn't apply to him and would do things just to do them, even if he got into trouble. He was also a Vietnam vet (and I don't even want to know the awful things he probably did over there) but sometimes young men join the military to gain a sense of control they didn't have growing up. And they keep that sense of control in all other parts of their lives, especially relationships. My father was very controlling of my mother and she was very passive. Her father was also a controlling alcoholic and she was the oldest in her family. So she learned to "take care of" everyone and "mother" her younger siblings. She became the "protector" in her family. Always trying to protect her mom and siblings from her father. But she met my father when she was in a manic episode so she thought it was "love". She had developed what I now believe is BPD (borderline disorder) and she became "addicted" to my father. Mom was always a good mom but she could have some narcissistic traits too, I think related more to her being a Leo than anything else. Certain signs do seem to have more narcissistic traits than others. Dad was a Scorpio and they can have extremely vindictive sides, whether narcissistic or not. I know not everyone who reads this believes in astrology, but I use it as my "higher power" for CoDA meetings since that's my form of spirituality. I just have too many issues with the Bible to trust anything in that area. Folks will accuse astrology and tarot cards of being "evil". Meanwhile, those same folks will say nothing about all the centuries of corruption from the church, abuse of children, etc. That seems more "evil" to me. But I digress. What I've started to realize about myself lately is that I developed some "communal" narcissistic traits. We want an "audience" to feel important. A lot of communal narcissists go into show business. If they didn't get validation at home, they get it from strangers. I had too much social anxiety to try out for plays in school but I did like the idea of "running" things. I wasn't ambitious enough to climb the corporate latter for work, since my depression made me want to stay under the radar. But once I discovered the Meetup website, I found a way to get "validation". I started a group on there for introverts many years ago, and it became a very successful group. It's still going today but others have taken over. But when I started the group my anxiety was terrible. It took a year for folks to start showing up, and for the first year, I wanted to control everything. I wanted to schedule all the meetings. As time went on, I started to delegate my control to others and let other members schedule their own meetings. That's when the group truly started to grow and other members who had been more shy, felt braver about hosting their own meetups. That was very satisfying to see. Once I let go of my need to control the group, it started to flourish. After almost ten years I finally stepped down and others took over. But I was developing some issues with my asthma that made me start to isolate more. And once the isolation period became really severe, it just became easier to stay home and keep that pattern going, especially once the pandemic hit. I lost most of my 40s to isolation. Last year, after I started looking up self help videos, and I found Anna's channel, The Crappy Childhood Fairy, I tried starting a new group on Meetup based on her book. I wanted to "run" something again. I didn't realize that maybe it was related to wanting to feel important and that I mattered. It's also the reason I keep posting my "two cents" on YouTube. Even if I only get a few likes, etc, I still get some tiny validation as if my opinion "matters". But some days I just post to vent, usually due to anxiety. YouTube is kind of an "escape" for me some days, not just a "drug". I like Mel Robbins channel but she is also a communal narcissist. She needs to feel important and that her words matter to others. But she's had therapy so she's using her narcissistic traits to spread good info and advice to others. She has talked about her own narcissism, control issues, and how she wasn't always so great to her husband in the past since she's the controlling one. He tends to be more passive. But he also started a group for men years ago to help other men. And their marriage is better because they've both been working on their issues for years. I get frustrated with videos like the one I'm sharing because it still feels as if so many men want women to "fix" this. But we can't fix all of this. We can talk about abusive men, abusive women, etc, but nothing is being done to change this system from the inside. Patriarchy doesn't just hurt women. It keeps men and boys trapped in a system that grinds them into dust eventually. So how do things get better for men and boys when this entire system takes advantage of them too? I look at all the men at the top and I keep wondering why they don't pool their resources to build treatment centers and domestic violence centers for men and boys all over the country. If men are committing suicide at higher rates, why aren't other men doing more to help fix this and help each other? I've seen a few stories about more mens retreats but I'm not seeing many. It still feels as if men expect women to "fix their feelings" since they won't work on their own and that includes their own controlling and abusive behavior. Now that I've started going to CoDA meetings, I had a hard time sharing at first. I didn't want to come across as "narcissistic and controlling". But as I've attended more meetings the "organizer switch" is being turned on in my head. I want to "run" the meetings. But we're all supposed to rotate and share hosting. So I remind myself of that to make sure I'm not trying to "take control". But all meetings are different. Some do have a "leader", others don't. I used to go to ACoA meetings years ago and they also "rotated" the leadership for each meeting. It just gives others a chance to step up and run something, which helps with self esteem. It's just been so long since I've run a group that I had forgotten what it felt like. I liked the idea of helping others by "leading" because it still gives me sense of validation but not due to the "toxic" need for supply. I think some communal narcissists can actually be very beneficial to others, if they use their need to "lead" to help others, not just for their own egos. But I'm also an addict. So my need for validation and to feel "important" also benefits from me wanting to "lead". I don't know what CoDA holds for me as time goes by. I just know that with every meeting, I keep experiencing new realizations about myself and now I see co-dependence everywhere. But a lot of folks are also addicts and not dealing with their addictions. It's easier to just keep self medicating then to finally deal with things. I've always been a fan of Kanye, but his temper and need to control get really bad every time he relapses and goes off his meds. He is also very, very bipolar. So his "religious" album was related to a manic episode. Now he's back into the pattern of drugs, and sex addiction with his latest album. His current wife has become an "object". Kanye also has severe narcissism. But he's doing nothing about it, so this pattern continues. He doesn't want to deal with therapy. He just wants to feel important and constantly look for this those who make him feel like he matters. He will mention that he keeps relapsing on drugs and alcohol. Those are a big no-no for the bipolar brain. He is not acting very "godly" lately. Not sure where his anti-Semitism came from but that's a common theme with some rappers. Mel Gibson is also very bipolar and keeps relapsing on alcohol. He also has a massive ego and once his temper goes off, we all hear about it. These men go through women like water. Constantly looking for someone else to regulate their emotions and make them "feel better". Eddie Murphy has the same pattern. Married multiple times, to women who tried to help him, but the he eventually dumps them and moves into someone new. Eddie is also narcissistic. But we all love him so much as a comedian that we collectively "ignore" his glaring narcissistic behavior. I see patterns in famous men and women over the years and I recognize them. It just took me years to recognize my own, because so many narcissistic folks don't want to see their own patterns. It becomes easier to just self medicate and keep the addictions going. And Holywood is the perfect place to feed addictions. I keep hoping Kanye will get his act together and stay clean and get his manic episodes under control. But I don't know if he ever will since he keeps relapsing. An there's no woman on the planet that can "fix" him. He has to want sobriety more than anything else in his life.
Narcissistic Miss So
This post is related to my father and why so many girls may grow up to become abusers themselves. She does a good job of explaining different "types" but her channel is focused on women. Due to the amount of violence against women and girls all over the world, this is still a major issue.
I'm still trying to figure out my own issues. There are some videos that dropped today that make me wonder about anti-social personality disorder (sociopathy). My father was a diagnosed sociopath with psychopathic tendencies. But he was visiously and sadistically abused by his mother. His father was very passive and submissive in their marriage. I only met his mother a few times. I just know that I didn't like her. She gave off all kinds of bad vibes and energy. My mother told me he absolutely hated her and unfortunately due to that, he started taking it out on everyone including us. He also always wanted to get "revenge" on others who wronged him. But he had such severe betrayal issues due to his mother that his narcissism became very malignant. He also felt the law didn't apply to him and would do things just to do them, even if he got into trouble. He was also a Vietnam vet (and I don't even want to know the awful things he probably did over there) but sometimes young men join the military to gain a sense of control they didn't have growing up. And they keep that sense of control in all other parts of their lives, especially relationships.
My father was very controlling of my mother and she was very passive. Her father was also a controlling alcoholic and she was the oldest in her family. So she learned to "take care of" everyone and "mother" her younger siblings. She became the "protector" in her family. Always trying to protect her mom and siblings from her father. But she met my father when she was in a manic episode so she thought it was "love". She had developed what I now believe is BPD (borderline disorder) and she became "addicted" to my father.
Mom was always a good mom but she could have some narcissistic traits too, I think related more to her being a Leo than anything else. Certain signs do seem to have more narcissistic traits than others. Dad was a Scorpio and they can have extremely vindictive sides, whether narcissistic or not. I know not everyone who reads this believes in astrology, but I use it as my "higher power" for CoDA meetings since that's my form of spirituality. I just have too many issues with the Bible to trust anything in that area. Folks will accuse astrology and tarot cards of being "evil". Meanwhile, those same folks will say nothing about all the centuries of corruption from the church, abuse of children, etc. That seems more "evil" to me. But I digress.
What I've started to realize about myself lately is that I developed some "communal" narcissistic traits. We want an "audience" to feel important. A lot of communal narcissists go into show business. If they didn't get validation at home, they get it from strangers. I had too much social anxiety to try out for plays in school but I did like the idea of "running" things. I wasn't ambitious enough to climb the corporate latter for work, since my depression made me want to stay under the radar. But once I discovered the Meetup website, I found a way to get "validation".
I started a group on there for introverts many years ago, and it became a very successful group. It's still going today but others have taken over. But when I started the group my anxiety was terrible. It took a year for folks to start showing up, and for the first year, I wanted to control everything. I wanted to schedule all the meetings. As time went on, I started to delegate my control to others and let other members schedule their own meetings. That's when the group truly started to grow and other members who had been more shy, felt braver about hosting their own meetups. That was very satisfying to see. Once I let go of my need to control the group, it started to flourish. After almost ten years I finally stepped down and others took over. But I was developing some issues with my asthma that made me start to isolate more. And once the isolation period became really severe, it just became easier to stay home and keep that pattern going, especially once the pandemic hit. I lost most of my 40s to isolation.
Last year, after I started looking up self help videos, and I found Anna's channel, The Crappy Childhood Fairy, I tried starting a new group on Meetup based on her book. I wanted to "run" something again. I didn't realize that maybe it was related to wanting to feel important and that I mattered. It's also the reason I keep posting my "two cents" on YouTube. Even if I only get a few likes, etc, I still get some tiny validation as if my opinion "matters". But some days I just post to vent, usually due to anxiety. YouTube is kind of an "escape" for me some days, not just a "drug".
I like Mel Robbins channel but she is also a communal narcissist. She needs to feel important and that her words matter to others. But she's had therapy so she's using her narcissistic traits to spread good info and advice to others. She has talked about her own narcissism, control issues, and how she wasn't always so great to her husband in the past since she's the controlling one. He tends to be more passive. But he also started a group for men years ago to help other men. And their marriage is better because they've both been working on their issues for years.
I get frustrated with videos like the one I'm sharing because it still feels as if so many men want women to "fix" this. But we can't fix all of this. We can talk about abusive men, abusive women, etc, but nothing is being done to change this system from the inside.
Patriarchy doesn't just hurt women. It keeps men and boys trapped in a system that grinds them into dust eventually. So how do things get better for men and boys when this entire system takes advantage of them too?
I look at all the men at the top and I keep wondering why they don't pool their resources to build treatment centers and domestic violence centers for men and boys all over the country. If men are committing suicide at higher rates, why aren't other men doing more to help fix this and help each other? I've seen a few stories about more mens retreats but I'm not seeing many. It still feels as if men expect women to "fix their feelings" since they won't work on their own and that includes their own controlling and abusive behavior.
Now that I've started going to CoDA meetings, I had a hard time sharing at first. I didn't want to come across as "narcissistic and controlling". But as I've attended more meetings the "organizer switch" is being turned on in my head. I want to "run" the meetings. But we're all supposed to rotate and share hosting. So I remind myself of that to make sure I'm not trying to "take control". But all meetings are different. Some do have a "leader", others don't. I used to go to ACoA meetings years ago and they also "rotated" the leadership for each meeting. It just gives others a chance to step up and run something, which helps with self esteem. It's just been so long since I've run a group that I had forgotten what it felt like. I liked the idea of helping others by "leading" because it still gives me sense of validation but not due to the "toxic" need for supply. I think some communal narcissists can actually be very beneficial to others, if they use their need to "lead" to help others, not just for their own egos.
But I'm also an addict. So my need for validation and to feel "important" also benefits from me wanting to "lead". I don't know what CoDA holds for me as time goes by. I just know that with every meeting, I keep experiencing new realizations about myself and now I see co-dependence everywhere. But a lot of folks are also addicts and not dealing with their addictions. It's easier to just keep self medicating then to finally deal with things. I've always been a fan of Kanye, but his temper and need to control get really bad every time he relapses and goes off his meds. He is also very, very bipolar. So his "religious" album was related to a manic episode. Now he's back into the pattern of drugs, and sex addiction with his latest album. His current wife has become an "object". Kanye also has severe narcissism. But he's doing nothing about it, so this pattern continues. He doesn't want to deal with therapy. He just wants to feel important and constantly look for this those who make him feel like he matters.
He will mention that he keeps relapsing on drugs and alcohol. Those are a big no-no for the bipolar brain. He is not acting very "godly" lately. Not sure where his anti-Semitism came from but that's a common theme with some rappers. Mel Gibson is also very bipolar and keeps relapsing on alcohol. He also has a massive ego and once his temper goes off, we all hear about it. These men go through women like water. Constantly looking for someone else to regulate their emotions and make them "feel better". Eddie Murphy has the same pattern. Married multiple times, to women who tried to help him, but the he eventually dumps them and moves into someone new. Eddie is also narcissistic. But we all love him so much as a comedian that we collectively "ignore" his glaring narcissistic behavior.
I see patterns in famous men and women over the years and I recognize them. It just took me years to recognize my own, because so many narcissistic folks don't want to see their own patterns. It becomes easier to just self medicate and keep the addictions going. And Holywood is the perfect place to feed addictions. I keep hoping Kanye will get his act together and stay clean and get his manic episodes under control. But I don't know if he ever will since he keeps relapsing. An there's no woman on the planet that can "fix" him. He has to want sobriety more than anything else in his life.
https://youtu.be/xeUTotsP6UU?feature=...
1 month ago | [YT] | 1