Hey everyone, I know I have been suuuuper absent on social media for a long time now. Some of you probably don’t even remember who I am at this point 😅 but that’s okay. It’s been a really hard year. I’m still struggling to feel like myself, or learn who I am now after everything I’ve been through. I want to be ready to come back so bad, and I think I’m close. It’s just been such a crazy, busy, whirlwind lately. This is the first week in a long time where I feel like I can actually slow down and breathe a little.
Since last April, it’s kind of felt like one thing after the other. I was diagnosed with cancer, I went through a really tough breakup, delt with so much drama and heartbreak, went through all the scary scans, drs appointments, rounds of chemotherapy, I’ve lost 3 out of 4 of my pet ferrets who I’ve loved with my whole heart, now my last ferret has been diagnosed with cancer.
Every time I feel over tired, I get anxious that the cancer might be back. There are so many things that I want to do like create / edit / post content, work doing princess / mermaid gigs, travel, spend time with my family and friends, keep my house all organized and tidy, keep improving my singing, dancing, and acting skills by taking more classes - the list goes on. I have to accept that I just do not have the physical and / or mental capacity to do everything right now. I don’t know why that is such a hard pill to swallow.
I feel like I want to get back to posting and engaging with all of you more than anything, and at the same time, sitting at my computer to edit all the videos I’ve filmed over the past year also feels like the very last thing I want to do. It’s so confusing and annoying and frustrating. I’m okay but I’m not fully okay yet. I’m still working on myself and trying to process everything that I’ve been through. It’s been so hard and I feel so alone a lot of the time. I think I try to keep myself busy to trick my brain into thinking that I’m not really struggling. I am still sitting firmly on the struggle bus and I don’t know how or where to get off. Every time I feel close, it’s like something else comes up and the doors stay shut and I can’t get off.
I know this all sounds very doom and gloom. The truth is I’ve also had some of the happiest, best days of my life over the past year. I am so proud of who I am and what I’ve achieved. I know there are many more happy days to come for me. I know there are many more creative opportunities coming my way in the future. It’s just hard sitting in the now, wanting to be ready so bad, but knowing deep down that I’m not quite ready yet.
This got really long. Long story short, I miss you all dearly and I miss creating content for you dearly. I am coming back. The version of Emma / Zelda who comes back will be different than before. It might not be easy but it is worth it. If you read all of this, I love you. ❤️
Mermaid Zelda
Hey everyone, I know I have been suuuuper absent on social media for a long time now. Some of you probably don’t even remember who I am at this point 😅 but that’s okay. It’s been a really hard year. I’m still struggling to feel like myself, or learn who I am now after everything I’ve been through. I want to be ready to come back so bad, and I think I’m close. It’s just been such a crazy, busy, whirlwind lately. This is the first week in a long time where I feel like I can actually slow down and breathe a little.
Since last April, it’s kind of felt like one thing after the other. I was diagnosed with cancer, I went through a really tough breakup, delt with so much drama and heartbreak, went through all the scary scans, drs appointments, rounds of chemotherapy, I’ve lost 3 out of 4 of my pet ferrets who I’ve loved with my whole heart, now my last ferret has been diagnosed with cancer.
Every time I feel over tired, I get anxious that the cancer might be back. There are so many things that I want to do like create / edit / post content, work doing princess / mermaid gigs, travel, spend time with my family and friends, keep my house all organized and tidy, keep improving my singing, dancing, and acting skills by taking more classes - the list goes on. I have to accept that I just do not have the physical and / or mental capacity to do everything right now. I don’t know why that is such a hard pill to swallow.
I feel like I want to get back to posting and engaging with all of you more than anything, and at the same time, sitting at my computer to edit all the videos I’ve filmed over the past year also feels like the very last thing I want to do. It’s so confusing and annoying and frustrating. I’m okay but I’m not fully okay yet. I’m still working on myself and trying to process everything that I’ve been through. It’s been so hard and I feel so alone a lot of the time. I think I try to keep myself busy to trick my brain into thinking that I’m not really struggling. I am still sitting firmly on the struggle bus and I don’t know how or where to get off. Every time I feel close, it’s like something else comes up and the doors stay shut and I can’t get off.
I know this all sounds very doom and gloom. The truth is I’ve also had some of the happiest, best days of my life over the past year. I am so proud of who I am and what I’ve achieved. I know there are many more happy days to come for me. I know there are many more creative opportunities coming my way in the future. It’s just hard sitting in the now, wanting to be ready so bad, but knowing deep down that I’m not quite ready yet.
This got really long. Long story short, I miss you all dearly and I miss creating content for you dearly. I am coming back. The version of Emma / Zelda who comes back will be different than before. It might not be easy but it is worth it. If you read all of this, I love you. ❤️
1 year ago | [YT] | 259