is it just me or does every time i try to be " positive " or " happy " like i was before on yt or in irl i just feel more and more horrible ? , i feel like the more i try to convince myself that i can still have a chance to be happy the more " heartless " and horrible i feel later -- :) .
i always try to convince myself to forgive everyone who hurt me but tbh at this point i feel more mad at myself to a point i have been " bursting out " in anger or sadness and ofc i always get blamed for it , back then i used to be able to hold myself back WAY better but now i cant even stand to see any human being mostly people who hurt me or trash-talked about me and now i feel nothing of " joy " or " happy " feelings tbh all i do now is hate / cry like crazy / burst out in anger , or harm myself in any way , and im tired asf to a point i passed out and fell on the ground 2 days ago bc of my bad health its so pathetic to me honestly i dont want " help " any more i didnt get help when i needed it when the harm was really bad so why would i need anyone to help me now -- ? :) .
i feel like when ever anyone says the words " i love you " or anything like that to me i get "set off" or mad in a sad way if that even makes sense , be serious do you actually expect me to even care anymore ? when you litterally LEFT ME ALONE to get harmed over and over and over again when i gave up everything i loved and cared about for you bc i loved you and everyone else just at the end for your @ss to come up to me after months of harming me and say that ? ( not targetted , and ik no one forced me to but i really believed that you actually cared for me and loved me so i wanted to stay with all of you but as always ofc i get left behind and hurt or forced to leave ) , i dont honestly feel " love " or " loved " anymore no matter how much anyone shows effection or love ( not in a weird or romantic way ) to me , now i feel the constant urge to just run away from anyone who i used to like or love because now im pretty much afraid of everyone :) .
sorry for this random stupid vent and im sorry for talking about my feelings again ik im annoying to deal with my children / blossoms :) .
《🌷𝖞𝖎𝖘𝖚𝖐𝖎🌷》
.
is it just me or does every time i try to be " positive " or " happy " like i was before on yt or in irl i just feel more and more horrible ? , i feel like the more i try to convince myself that i can still have a chance to be happy the more " heartless " and horrible i feel later -- :) .
i always try to convince myself to forgive everyone who hurt me but tbh at this point i feel more mad at myself to a point i have been " bursting out " in anger or sadness and ofc i always get blamed for it , back then i used to be able to hold myself back WAY better but now i cant even stand to see any human being mostly people who hurt me or trash-talked about me and now i feel nothing of " joy " or " happy " feelings tbh all i do now is hate / cry like crazy / burst out in anger , or harm myself in any way , and im tired asf to a point i passed out and fell on the ground 2 days ago bc of my bad health its so pathetic to me honestly i dont want " help " any more i didnt get help when i needed it when the harm was really bad so why would i need anyone to help me now -- ? :) .
i feel like when ever anyone says the words " i love you " or anything like that to me i get "set off" or mad in a sad way if that even makes sense , be serious do you actually expect me to even care anymore ? when you litterally LEFT ME ALONE to get harmed over and over and over again when i gave up everything i loved and cared about for you bc i loved you and everyone else just at the end for your @ss to come up to me after months of harming me and say that ? ( not targetted , and ik no one forced me to but i really believed that you actually cared for me and loved me so i wanted to stay with all of you but as always ofc i get left behind and hurt or forced to leave ) , i dont honestly feel " love " or " loved " anymore no matter how much anyone shows effection or love ( not in a weird or romantic way ) to me , now i feel the constant urge to just run away from anyone who i used to like or love because now im pretty much afraid of everyone :) .
sorry for this random stupid vent and im sorry for talking about my feelings again ik im annoying to deal with my children / blossoms :) .
- 𝖞𝖎𝖘𝖚𝖐𝖎 .
7 months ago (edited) | [YT] | 13